Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
It's been a long week...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 368211" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>WOW! It sounds like you have a real challenge. Is your SD well behaved for her mom? For others? How is she in school? With friends? In public?</p><p></p><p>Does SD say awful things to you and do awful things like destroy your stuff simply to be mean, or is she just completely ignoring you? What does she have in her room to entertain her? Tv? video games? books? phone? </p><p></p><p>Many 14 year olds spend as little time as possible with their parents. I got a job at 14 and worked 3 days a week after school and on Saturdays. We only had a tv in the den so if I watned to watch tv I had to go out of my room. I actually got along very well with my parents for a teenager - and was extremely close with my mom. I still spent most of my time at home in my room. Homework, reading (have always been an avid bookworm - hence the job was in a used bookstore where I could get all the books I wanted for free, LOL), and sleeping. </p><p></p><p>Your SD is taking this to an extreme, but I don't know if it is terribly uncommon. </p><p></p><p>I think you need to see a counselor or psychologist to help you work through these feelings. It DOES hurt to be shunned by someone you are prepared to like, love, or even just get along with. I don't get the impression you have other kids, so you may have unrealistic expectations about how a teen stepdau should behave. I don't have stepkids so I don't know what is normal either. For a short period my bro married a woman with teen sons and that was a disaster. Her boys refuse to speak to her or visit most of the time because the way he behaved to her and to them. And that marriage has been over almost 5 years! But my bro is one of the meaner difficult children I have ever seen, esp for one who is not currently abusing any substances. </p><p></p><p>You can choose to be very hurt by her actions, or to react in another way. I don't think her behavior is reasonable by adult standards, but she isn't an adult. Can you remember anything of how you would have felt about a step parent when you were a teen? Kids today have a LOT more freedom to express themselves, esp ones who have parents who have split up. There is often guilt that lets the parents tolerate more than they otherwise would. Talking to a therapist about this would help you figure out what "normal" behavior for a 14 yo girl with a stepfather really is. It also will help you figure out ways to handle your feelings of rejection and hurt. We really can choose how to react to situations, and working with a therapist would help you be more able to change your reaction. Heck, you can choose to feel sorry for her because she is missing out on a great relationship with someone who would be really caring and supportive. You cannot get to that point with-o some help though. </p><p></p><p>If you love her mom, don't make your relationship about how her teen daughter is behaving. The SD may feel disloyal if she still has her dad in her life. If she doesn't, she may feel he will come back and love her if she doesn't bond with you. She may even feel that there is no way you could like or love her because her father left her mom, isn't involved with her, tells her not to have a relationship with her or encourages her to be nice to you. Regardless of which of those things (if any) is going on, talking it out with a therapist will help you handle it with patience and understanding.</p><p></p><p>If you continue to react with such hurt, this situation, and likely your marriage, will go downhill. Probably very fast. </p><p></p><p>So rather than put pressure on her mom, which won't help, go talk this out with someone who has an idea of how and why teen girls do what they do. Someone who can help you figure out how you want to handle the situation, rather than just reacting to it (which really does give the SD far more power over you than is reasonable). I hope that seeing a therapist helps. You problem won't have to go for a long time, just for long enough to know what is normal and how to handle it best. </p><p></p><p>Sorry things are so upsetting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 368211, member: 1233"] WOW! It sounds like you have a real challenge. Is your SD well behaved for her mom? For others? How is she in school? With friends? In public? Does SD say awful things to you and do awful things like destroy your stuff simply to be mean, or is she just completely ignoring you? What does she have in her room to entertain her? Tv? video games? books? phone? Many 14 year olds spend as little time as possible with their parents. I got a job at 14 and worked 3 days a week after school and on Saturdays. We only had a tv in the den so if I watned to watch tv I had to go out of my room. I actually got along very well with my parents for a teenager - and was extremely close with my mom. I still spent most of my time at home in my room. Homework, reading (have always been an avid bookworm - hence the job was in a used bookstore where I could get all the books I wanted for free, LOL), and sleeping. Your SD is taking this to an extreme, but I don't know if it is terribly uncommon. I think you need to see a counselor or psychologist to help you work through these feelings. It DOES hurt to be shunned by someone you are prepared to like, love, or even just get along with. I don't get the impression you have other kids, so you may have unrealistic expectations about how a teen stepdau should behave. I don't have stepkids so I don't know what is normal either. For a short period my bro married a woman with teen sons and that was a disaster. Her boys refuse to speak to her or visit most of the time because the way he behaved to her and to them. And that marriage has been over almost 5 years! But my bro is one of the meaner difficult children I have ever seen, esp for one who is not currently abusing any substances. You can choose to be very hurt by her actions, or to react in another way. I don't think her behavior is reasonable by adult standards, but she isn't an adult. Can you remember anything of how you would have felt about a step parent when you were a teen? Kids today have a LOT more freedom to express themselves, esp ones who have parents who have split up. There is often guilt that lets the parents tolerate more than they otherwise would. Talking to a therapist about this would help you figure out what "normal" behavior for a 14 yo girl with a stepfather really is. It also will help you figure out ways to handle your feelings of rejection and hurt. We really can choose how to react to situations, and working with a therapist would help you be more able to change your reaction. Heck, you can choose to feel sorry for her because she is missing out on a great relationship with someone who would be really caring and supportive. You cannot get to that point with-o some help though. If you love her mom, don't make your relationship about how her teen daughter is behaving. The SD may feel disloyal if she still has her dad in her life. If she doesn't, she may feel he will come back and love her if she doesn't bond with you. She may even feel that there is no way you could like or love her because her father left her mom, isn't involved with her, tells her not to have a relationship with her or encourages her to be nice to you. Regardless of which of those things (if any) is going on, talking it out with a therapist will help you handle it with patience and understanding. If you continue to react with such hurt, this situation, and likely your marriage, will go downhill. Probably very fast. So rather than put pressure on her mom, which won't help, go talk this out with someone who has an idea of how and why teen girls do what they do. Someone who can help you figure out how you want to handle the situation, rather than just reacting to it (which really does give the SD far more power over you than is reasonable). I hope that seeing a therapist helps. You problem won't have to go for a long time, just for long enough to know what is normal and how to handle it best. Sorry things are so upsetting. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
It's been a long week...
Top