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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 368273" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>I fought with my older sister until I was about 15, then we became best of friends. That was until she met her soon to be husband. Oh how I hated him. He was not a bad person, he just took her attention away. She had someone else to love. He took the attention that I felt belonged to me. A pre-teen's jealousy of their parent's attention can be a strong thing, even when they spend most of the time trying to make their parents miserable. </p><p> </p><p> On the positive side I believe that most (not all, but most) teenagers get over the jealousy as they mature. So yes I think it is likely that someday you will be able to develop a closer relationship. It just might not happen until she is 21 though. You need to develop a plan on how you will manage living in a situation until she does turn around. Ideas are:</p><p> </p><p> - Find things that you like to do. I.E. put some resources and effort into things that make you happy, and take care of yourself too.</p><p> </p><p> - Build up your social network so that you can spend time with people who treat you well. Go on a date with your wife every now and then WITHOUT the kids. (And don't talk about them on it). Maybe volunteer some until you get a job again.</p><p> </p><p> - Let her be the little snot. Don't beg for the attention or jump when she finally gives you some. When she does something good, smile and let her know you approve, but don't get overly excited.</p><p> </p><p> - Don't push. No threats like "If you don't come out here xxx privilege will be taken away!" </p><p> </p><p> - Don't bribe. No rewards for treating you like a human. </p><p></p><p>- Make sure that wife spends some time a lone with SD, so she does not need to fight for the attention.</p><p> </p><p> - Even if she does not like you she still needs to follow common rules of behavior. Have your wife explain the "decency" rules. She must say hello, please and thank you, and be civil. </p><p> </p><p> - Even if you are not religious you will need to take a Christian approach. Forgive, and forgive a thousand times regardless of how mean and cruel she can be. And then when she needs you, (and sooner or later she will need you for something) smile and respond like she had been your best friend all along. No I told you so, and no sny comments, just be there for her when she needs it.</p><p> </p><p> - Give thoughtful, but inexpensive cards and gifts on special occasions like birthdays without expecting anything in return. The object is to let her know you are thinking about her, but not showering with elaborate gifts.</p><p> </p><p> My sister once told me that as a mother she felt she had to be a water fountain. She had to sit there day after day with the water ready for her son to come to her for a drink. She could not force it, she could not even ask. She had to simply wait for the child to come to her when he needed it.</p><p> </p><p> Also remember to post when it gets frustrating. You might not have the same stories as others, but your feelings are still important.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 368273, member: 6557"] I fought with my older sister until I was about 15, then we became best of friends. That was until she met her soon to be husband. Oh how I hated him. He was not a bad person, he just took her attention away. She had someone else to love. He took the attention that I felt belonged to me. A pre-teen's jealousy of their parent's attention can be a strong thing, even when they spend most of the time trying to make their parents miserable. On the positive side I believe that most (not all, but most) teenagers get over the jealousy as they mature. So yes I think it is likely that someday you will be able to develop a closer relationship. It just might not happen until she is 21 though. You need to develop a plan on how you will manage living in a situation until she does turn around. Ideas are: - Find things that you like to do. I.E. put some resources and effort into things that make you happy, and take care of yourself too. - Build up your social network so that you can spend time with people who treat you well. Go on a date with your wife every now and then WITHOUT the kids. (And don't talk about them on it). Maybe volunteer some until you get a job again. - Let her be the little snot. Don't beg for the attention or jump when she finally gives you some. When she does something good, smile and let her know you approve, but don't get overly excited. - Don't push. No threats like "If you don't come out here xxx privilege will be taken away!" - Don't bribe. No rewards for treating you like a human. - Make sure that wife spends some time a lone with SD, so she does not need to fight for the attention. - Even if she does not like you she still needs to follow common rules of behavior. Have your wife explain the "decency" rules. She must say hello, please and thank you, and be civil. - Even if you are not religious you will need to take a Christian approach. Forgive, and forgive a thousand times regardless of how mean and cruel she can be. And then when she needs you, (and sooner or later she will need you for something) smile and respond like she had been your best friend all along. No I told you so, and no sny comments, just be there for her when she needs it. - Give thoughtful, but inexpensive cards and gifts on special occasions like birthdays without expecting anything in return. The object is to let her know you are thinking about her, but not showering with elaborate gifts. My sister once told me that as a mother she felt she had to be a water fountain. She had to sit there day after day with the water ready for her son to come to her for a drink. She could not force it, she could not even ask. She had to simply wait for the child to come to her when he needed it. Also remember to post when it gets frustrating. You might not have the same stories as others, but your feelings are still important. [/QUOTE]
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