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It's been a long week...
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 368723"><p>Hi Lost, </p><p></p><p>I am new to this forum....but just read this thread. It sounds like you have good insight into what the situation is and a lot of the reasons she is targeting you for her anger and resentment. I think the thing to really remember, and the truth of this comes through in your posts, is her behavior and even her feelings about you are not really about you. They are about her parents divorce and whatever that dynamic is. You in a way are an unfortunate bystander and target for her feelings but they are not really about you as a person.</p><p></p><p>I say this with some experience. My parents got divorced when i was 23. Long story i won't go into but I was pretty angry with my dad (for good reason) and when he got remarried to an old friend my brother and I literally refused to have anything to do with her. I actually don't regret that because our anger at him felt pretty justified and still does actually. My relationship with my dad was almost non-existant for 10 years. I then went through some of my own work on stuff and decided to reconcile including his wife. I remember when we first all got together she asked me if there was anything she and I needed to work out. I looked at her and said I don't have a problem with you and never did, this was always about my issues with Dad. And it was true. Was it unfair to her and perhaps unkind that for those 10 years I would not have her in my life. Probably.....but at the time given the issues and circumstances it was the only way I could express my disappointment and feelings to my dad. And the message was always intended for him not her. I did go onto to develop a much better relationship with my dad and I became very fond of his wife over the years so it worked out for us in the end. But you see I behaved that way as an adult child who was out on my own supporting myself.</p><p></p><p>So yes see a therapist for yourself.... and dealing with your own hurt feelings. And possibly have your wife go to.... to help figure out what strategies there may be for her in dealing with your daughter and her behavior in general and her behavior towards you in particular.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 368723"] Hi Lost, I am new to this forum....but just read this thread. It sounds like you have good insight into what the situation is and a lot of the reasons she is targeting you for her anger and resentment. I think the thing to really remember, and the truth of this comes through in your posts, is her behavior and even her feelings about you are not really about you. They are about her parents divorce and whatever that dynamic is. You in a way are an unfortunate bystander and target for her feelings but they are not really about you as a person. I say this with some experience. My parents got divorced when i was 23. Long story i won't go into but I was pretty angry with my dad (for good reason) and when he got remarried to an old friend my brother and I literally refused to have anything to do with her. I actually don't regret that because our anger at him felt pretty justified and still does actually. My relationship with my dad was almost non-existant for 10 years. I then went through some of my own work on stuff and decided to reconcile including his wife. I remember when we first all got together she asked me if there was anything she and I needed to work out. I looked at her and said I don't have a problem with you and never did, this was always about my issues with Dad. And it was true. Was it unfair to her and perhaps unkind that for those 10 years I would not have her in my life. Probably.....but at the time given the issues and circumstances it was the only way I could express my disappointment and feelings to my dad. And the message was always intended for him not her. I did go onto to develop a much better relationship with my dad and I became very fond of his wife over the years so it worked out for us in the end. But you see I behaved that way as an adult child who was out on my own supporting myself. So yes see a therapist for yourself.... and dealing with your own hurt feelings. And possibly have your wife go to.... to help figure out what strategies there may be for her in dealing with your daughter and her behavior in general and her behavior towards you in particular. [/QUOTE]
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