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It's been a week since we heard from difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 482271" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Kathy - Just catching up on this. I'm glad that I read all the way through, and glad that you came to the decision that you did. I don't know if there is any right or wrong answer, but I feel very strongly that we know why we do the things that we do, and stick to our decisions unless we have a valid decision to change our minds. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes we make knee-jerk decisions about seeing/helping/accommodating our kids, and it deserves re-thinking. I don't think that your decision about sharing Thanksgiving with your difficult child was knee-jerk, it was well thought out based on years of experience. There are no right or wrong answers to what we do with the holidays, but "I'd feel guilty if I didn't include difficult child" is probably not the right answer to any of these questions. You have gone way out of your way to have a celebration of the holiday that does include her on your own terms. That's more than many of us could bring ourselves to do.</p><p></p><p>As to the museum, if difficult child really wants to go, why not go with her? If she wants to go with her friend, you could go along. It might keep her on good behavior and ease the conversation into more socially acceptable areas. My problem with M is that he never contacts us unless there's some grandiose scheme involved. Our conversations always venture into the bizarre. We can't just have a regular conversation with him. It's too stressful for me, and if that makes me a bad parent, then I guess that I'm a bad parent. But I'd like to be able to have a regular conversation with him. I just can't figure out how to have a conversation with him that isn't either 1) alone and bizarre, or 2) with someone else present who is going to be judgmental or try to direct us into "fixing things". I want to move on with my life, and can't go back to the drama. So far we haven't found that yet. M's too manipulative to ever allow that situation.</p><p></p><p>Oh, well. Enjoy your time with your friend and with your family, and with difficult child at your meal. You have done well, I think. (said the "bad mom". <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> )</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 482271, member: 99"] Kathy - Just catching up on this. I'm glad that I read all the way through, and glad that you came to the decision that you did. I don't know if there is any right or wrong answer, but I feel very strongly that we know why we do the things that we do, and stick to our decisions unless we have a valid decision to change our minds. Sometimes we make knee-jerk decisions about seeing/helping/accommodating our kids, and it deserves re-thinking. I don't think that your decision about sharing Thanksgiving with your difficult child was knee-jerk, it was well thought out based on years of experience. There are no right or wrong answers to what we do with the holidays, but "I'd feel guilty if I didn't include difficult child" is probably not the right answer to any of these questions. You have gone way out of your way to have a celebration of the holiday that does include her on your own terms. That's more than many of us could bring ourselves to do. As to the museum, if difficult child really wants to go, why not go with her? If she wants to go with her friend, you could go along. It might keep her on good behavior and ease the conversation into more socially acceptable areas. My problem with M is that he never contacts us unless there's some grandiose scheme involved. Our conversations always venture into the bizarre. We can't just have a regular conversation with him. It's too stressful for me, and if that makes me a bad parent, then I guess that I'm a bad parent. But I'd like to be able to have a regular conversation with him. I just can't figure out how to have a conversation with him that isn't either 1) alone and bizarre, or 2) with someone else present who is going to be judgmental or try to direct us into "fixing things". I want to move on with my life, and can't go back to the drama. So far we haven't found that yet. M's too manipulative to ever allow that situation. Oh, well. Enjoy your time with your friend and with your family, and with difficult child at your meal. You have done well, I think. (said the "bad mom". ;) ) [/QUOTE]
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