It's been SOOO long!!! Hi everyone, old and new!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Jun 4, 2009.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Wow, so I was mattsmom27, then ages ago forgot login info so changed to mattsmom277. Then I have just been busy and unsure of what to post here, took a break I guess.
    Oddly, despite the eons since I've been here posting, I many times a week come to read the forums. So here I haven't posted forever, or updated at all, but I am still pretty/fairly up to date on most of you all.

    I'm finding myself missing the interaction so much. I see so many posts I've wanted to respond to, so I had my forgotten password taken care of to reset, now I can login again, and here I am :)

    ~~~~~~~~~~ I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    An update on my difficult child:

    Matt (my difficult child) turned 16 just over a month ago. He was homeschooling for about a year with me and has been back in regular school since late December. He had only 22 in class days at reg. high school before semester end exams. I was stunned, he not only passed every single course, he was honors in them all. This from the kid who has the worst resistence to school I've ever seen!! He has a week left before his final exams for this semester. He is currently honors in all his classes again. He also added a new course just 3 weeks ago, giving himself in total a month to do an entire semester of work. This wasn't a simple course either, it was a law class! He is honors as well in this course and is actually ahead of other students in assignments despite 3 months missing the course. WOOT WOOT!

    He is going to spend his summer holidays attending summer school. He came home today and had arranged it all. I had no clue! He is taking 2 classes in a local high school as well as another course via correspondence which must be completed by mid August. So in summer alone, he is doing one course shy of an entire semester!!!!

    He has had NO problems at school. He used to be suspended so often that I didnt' think he'd have a shot at getting his high school credits. I'm so proud of him :)

    He is doing all these extra classes and ensuring he remains in the honor roll, to help him get into a world religions course at University. He's been working with his guidance counsellor to make sure he takes the right course to get accepted. He is hoping to work abroad doing outright in other countries, so plans to also take a minor in geography or some such thing that would help him understand different cultures and current problems affecting other countries. Unbelievable I have to tell you. He plans to also ensure he gets his teaching credentials after he is done, so that when he is ready to settle down somewhere and stop travelling to work, he can find a position teaching that he will enjoy. I am the proudest mama!!!!

    Behaviourally, no problems at school. He is finally treating my easy child (who turned 10 last Monday, unreal, I was already a very active member when she was only a baby!) like a big brother SHOULD treat a little sister. Yes, the same boy who tried to throw me down stairs to make me lose the pregnancy and also who tried to grab the car wheel to drive us into oncoming traffic to ensure I couldnt deliver a child! He has changed so much!

    We still have issues. He can be charming and funny and a joy to be around. Or he can turn disrespectful on a dime. Usually the "old Matt" surfaces around parenting issues. As in when he thinks he should be able to make all his own decisions and feels he should not have to listen to my requests or respect when I say no for something. He is still a absolute pig in his room. I have given up having meltdowns about his room but it stresses me beyond belief. He has learned to pick up around the house for himself, but his room? Only when I finally lose my cool and freak out, then he'll do a half butt job and the next day, I go in and do it properly. At least I guess he does part of it. Left to himself, his "cleaning" efforts would to him equal a spotless healthy environment for a space he is in most of the time (I call it his cave). I have got him FINALLY to do his own laundry. I just refused to do it anymore and told him that if he wants to smell, go for it. When he gets sick of smelling or kids at school comment, he'll decide to wash his clothes. Well no way he was going to smell! So he started that day and I refuse to ever clean his clothes again. Other than that, he does ZERO chores. I hate it. I am at the point that I realize in 2 years he's moving out and into his own place to go to University. I'm NOT fightingthe chore battle. I am just praising him for his wonderful efforts at school and thats about it.

    He has really no social life. Kind of turned from Mr.Popular to Mr.Hermit. BUT he is happy this way. He doesn't trust himself to make good choices with peers, and so he tends to socialize via the internet, telephone and while at school. Otherwise he's home doing school work, using his computer to socialize, or playing his xbox online. I guess I wish he'd have more friends, but I'm also glad that he realizes he has poor choice making skills when choosing friends. He told me when he hits University he's looking forward THEN to making friends with students who want to put studying as a priority and who are not the partying type etc. I think in many ways this has been a healthy decision for him. It certainly took away his previous tantrums and rages.

    We really don't argue (except when i blow up about his bedroom). He gets mouthy as I mentioned above, and he now goes to his room. I want to scream when he walks away with no excusing himself, when I'm speaking to him about something. but I know now that its his way of coping with conflict. He goes to his room until his anger subsides and ALWAYS later on, when he's ready, comes to sit with me and asks me to talk. YAY!!!!!!
    He learned SOMETHING in the therapy sessions, in my trying to help him find coping skills.

    All in all, I'm proud of him and although I wish he'd grow up in terms of responsabilty (cleaning up, contributing to household, maybe a JOB, learn to respect me as a mother figure on a more consistent basis etc) I really have watched this angry ball of fury raging at the world who was on a path to some pretty frightening places turn into a young man who needs to learn real world stuff, but who has become an excellent student. He has goals that are well thought out and is doing everything ON HIS OWN to find out how to reach them and to implement what he needs to in order to achieve them. He has learned coping skills that are going to really help him reign in his ingrained temper. He has in many ways begun to show a level of respect towards me, other adults in his life, that I never imagined I'd ever see him demonstrate.

    He smiles most of the time. He spent most of his life uncomfortable making eye contact with ANYONE, and now has conversations with his eyes facing everyone. He has went from no self esteem and hating himself, to loving himself and his self esteem has flourished. He never could be praised for anything. Not even a simple "good job Matt". He now grins like any other proud teenager when I tell him hes done something well or that I'm proud of him. He even allows me now to share his accomplishments with others where his entire life he would NEVER let me tell anybody ANYTHING about him without a major meltdown.

    He just seems HAPPY! :) :) :) :)

    I finally got to the bottom of my health issues, and along with some other yucky diagnosis's, I have finally been diagnosed with MS. Jessica is not wanting to hear much, asking just the odd question here and there. She is imagining such bad stuff and I can't get her to talk to me, not even to eliviate her needless fears, let alone to explain what it means or may bring. Matt has been the opposite. He's read up on it, researched it quite a bit. He has asked me to take off the mask I use round the kids, when his sister isn't around. He asked me to please be honest when I feel unwell. He's been helpful to me when I need some help getting around, or to come out when i must shop, just in case i can't make it back home or something. He has told me when he gets angry and goes to his room to cool down, he does this because he read how quickly stress can lead to a flare in MS symptoms. I remember when he could not view the world in terms of anybody but himself. Again, he makes me proud. :)

    So things are not perfect with Matt. But this is for the most part now a very happy, balanced home. It is also the most stress free it has been since Matt was about 10 months old (thats about the time he stopped being that easy type baby and began having issues that only escalated more and more through the years). Other than the odd blow up (brief) about his nasty pigsty cave/bedroom, I don't recall the last time voices were raised in anger in my home. Before it was constant, umpteen times a day.

    I certainly see issues with Matt that keep in firmly in the difficult child category. However there are parts of him that are pure easy child. I see more and more of it as time goes by.

    So theres my update on Matt. I will most definitly post more about myself and about easy child, my fiance (Yes, FIANCE!! I'm getting married in spring 2011 (been together 4 1/2 years) and all the other good stuff.

    I'm so glad to be able to post again. I'm so glad I kept up reading all the forums to know how you are all doing!!!!!! I won't feel out in the dark for the most part when I respond to posts. Heck, new people who were after my time, well they will wonder how this woman who just pops up knows the background when I respond in their threads lol.

    Can't wait to catch up more and more with you all.

    I love that you are all here when us off/on old timers decide we can't stand the distance and must jump back in. I can never express the support and caring and lifesaving advice and hope that I found here with you all. Looking back, it wasn't anybody in my "real life" that helped me like that. it was this board, all of you here.

    In a nutshell : HONEYYYYYYYY's ........... I'M HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Mattsmom!!!!! Welcome back! What a lovely post. There is hope, eh? It sounds like you guys are on a typcal raising a teen family. Some good...a few tads of ugly, but you can deal with that.

    Congrats to you and your family. Keep it going, girl!

  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Hi Ab!! There is hope for sure!!!! I definitly can handle this. All the years of total insanity. WHEW/PHEW! I don't wish it on anyone and don't miss any of it thats for sure. I know things will come up that will rock our boat, but I don't fear anymore that horrible fate I saw Matt running headfirst and blindly towards anymore. I can happily say that I haven't had an anxiety attack in 2 years!!!! Now that my life no longer revolves around turmoil and upset and stress from difficult child from morning until night, I find I no longer get so overwhelmed by other stuff either. Family issues, friends issues, news, etc. I find I can cope the way I did way back in days pre-difficult child. Normal reactions to life stressors. Even some recent very difficult issues that cropped up I still was able to sleep at night, no anxiety medications needed, I feel .... dare I say it .... NORMAL!

    On a total different note, in all my lurking reading, I am absolutely going NUTS wondering what this spork business is about. I laugh without even know what the constant jokes are really about??? I must know, demand to know even, what started the spork thing. What is a spork? Help me pretty please. I want to be in on the joke. haha
    Oh also, been reading about your life changes, not clear on what all is happening but I know you are in middle of some new stuff and wanted to say it sounds like you're doing pretty darn well through alot of carp and change. Way To Go!!!!! You rock!

  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    The spork is pure Abbey....Cant' explain, don't want to, but maybe someone else can

    It's good to see you. I'm so glad Matt is doing well. I've thought about you all often and wondered if you were still lurking. Hope to hear more from you soon.

    Used to be I'm everywoman.
  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    It's good to see you again. It sounds like things are going really well for you all. Great update on Matt!! I'm sorry to hear about the MS, but it's good that they figured it out and you can start treating it. I'm sure it takes some getting used to...a lot of lifestyle adjustments to be made.

    I'm not sure about the spork thing either. It just happened and we ran with it, I guess. :D

    ...used to be wyntersgrace
  6. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    You all confused me with the name changes LMAO. Well hello again, you two who i thought were strangers but in fact aren't at all haha

    I'll have to pay more attention to the spork thing. Or I'll just keep reading with a puzzled look on my face. I've cracked up at many a thread while lurking lol.

    The MS thing. Wow. Well it was torture not knowing and the longer the testing and waiting and testing and waiting went, I ended up knowing it was MS long before a doctor confirmed it. I'm not on the best medication treatment, I'm reluctant to start injecting myself with needles at home. I'm working up to it. Some medications are helping for some problems. Good periods, bad periods. Now less good periods and more medium periods with the odd bad period thrown in. Definitly adapting things. The physical problems have truly changed my abilites, altered dreams of certain jobs or holidays or activities etc. That part has been a true struggle. On an emotional level, after a struggle, I began to see that through this, I can learn alot about myself. To find joy in things I took for granted before. I see the world through different eyes now. It is truly life altering. Physically I can't do much to control what this disease is goign to throw at me. But emotionally and spiritually it can really alter your life in wonderous ways. Kind of hard to explain. But in short, I have started enjoying the simple things. I take NOTHING for granted. I've learned to stop sweating the small stuff. Gosh, so much I've learned, all because of hearing that I had MS. It truly is a journey. For all the bad part of the journey, parallel to it is a wonderous personal growth that has me truly happy within and grateful for my life, kids, what little i have, etc. Odd, that an illness can be so powerful BEYOND the physical.

    Its nice to see you both again. I am so glad that I know your original names now LMAO.

    We'll be seeing each other round :)

    *contented sigh* Its good to be posting again!
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome back!!! :flowers:

    So nice to see you again. And what an amazing update on Matt!! Good for him!! And good for you too!!

    Wow, he's come so very far, hasn't he!! :D And I wouldn't worry about the attitude once in a while, that's pretty typical teen. lol Hey, how about that? You've pretty much got a typical teen on your hands, except he's probably alot more focused than most teens his age.

    I'm sorry to hear about the ms diagnosis. I have a friend with ms and actually he's done pretty darn well with it for as long as he's had it. I think the treatments are better now than they used to be.

    So great to see you here again. :D

  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome back Melissa... you've been missed! :warrior:
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    (I have a secret collection of sporks that come in handy from time to time.)


    Everyone please bow, now.​

    You probably don't know about the corners either.;)

  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Welcome back. It sounds like Matt is doing really well. I'm impressed with his schoolwork and motivation in that department.
  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    hey Melissa,
    How wonderful to "see" you again.
    So you decided to come out of hiding, huh, lol...we've missed you too.

    Matt's progress in school and home is pretty awesome. How cool about being on honor roll and wanting to do outreach work abroad. He sounds so focused.

    And you've gotta be so relieved and happy that he's treating his easy child sister so well now. My easy child still doesn't really "like" my young difficult child. It somewhat saddens me to think their relationship is permanently injured from young difficult child's past behavior toward easy child.

    Mixed blessing about the MS diagnosis it sounds wonderful that Matt is so sensitive to you...will remove himself to his room so as to not cause you more stress. And researched what you have...he does sound like such a nice guy now.

    Congrats too on the upcoming marriage...Does Matt like the man in your life? Do they get along well?

    Will be cool to get to know you all over again...LURKER! lol

    with Love,
  12. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I must figure out the spork thing and the corner. I will get to the bottom of it bwaa haa haa!!!

    So lovely to wake up to see messages from all of you :)

    I guess Matt is pretty much turning into a typical teen! Wow. If only I could share it with everyone else. Pass along some typical teen to all of your difficult child's!!!

    As for my fiance, both kids love him very much. He is the first healthy adult role model that Matt has had. My DF and I had a rocky middle, my DF had some issues to work out and I at times didn't know if he would/could take care of them as I could not have had him in our lives if he didn't. What a wonderful man he is, and he has dealt very head on (after some inner resistence) with his issues and is doing so well. I'm very proud of him in many ways! Also, Matt was able to witness a wonderful man who could have messed up his life, but who instead got honest with himself and dealt with his carp. It is another reason that Matt admires him. So strange to think that I never imagined years ago that Matt would ever allow a close bond to a male role model. He was the first of us all to talk about marriage. He wanted us to marry years ago lol. So he was thrilled when we announced we would be getting married in 2011. He is going to walk me down the isle to give me away, while also being the best man. Jessica will be my maid of honor. We are pretty non traditional haha. We won't have any other wedding party. Just my DF and I and the kids. DF has a teen daughter with a severe level of autism. We will ensure she is also part of the wedding party as my kids are, although we haven't figured out yet how to do so in a way that won't be too complicated for her. We are certain though that it is only to be us and the children. :)

    Tammy, I've been lurking for sure. I will claim that name then haha. I have seen that your easy child still struggles. Its such a sadness to see children struggle to relate and be close isn't it?? I hope down the line that your difficult child gets his stuff together and perhaps over time a stronger bond may develop. One can hope right??

    I guess I don't have too many difficult child type issues about Matt to post here about, although from time to time things with him do still crop up and I might need an ear. I'm more likely to post if I need advice and help about DF's lovely daughter. I must say she is surely a handful and brings new things to the table quite often as she grows and changes. At the same time, her smile lights up a room and we get along quite well. She is more likely to listen to my directives than her papa's HAHA. Sadly due to issues that her mother has (her mom is an adult difficult child in many ways, who at least, thankfully, loves her daughter and cares for her very well) we dont' get to see L (I will call her L) as often as we'd like. Long periods can pass when we hear not a word from her mom. Then we'll have a period of frequent contact and frequent visits before the next dry spell. This current dry spell has gone on far too long and hurts my DF very deeply. :(

    Anyhow, how are you all doing this morning???? Gosh it felt good to have a morning tea and pop in to say hello and do some reading this morning! :) :)
  13. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Melissa, so happy to read that your df has evolved and has become such a good role model for Matt. That's awesome...and that Matt wanted you two to marry, you have his blessing, very cool.

    Sounds like all the yrs on CD Board have been and will be very useful when dealing with your autistic step daughter. I know there are several here who can relate.

    Yes, my easy child still has her struggles at times. I guess you know she identify's with "girls" more than boys...she has admitted to me that she is gay. husband does not accept it and they more or less have a don't ask don't tell policy going on. husband has strong religious convictions about homosexuality.
    I am just happy to be so close to my easy child that she can talk to me about anything.
    I think all the years of having 2 difficult child drug using brothers certainly took their toll on easy child. She doesn't have much patience for young difficult child's very self pitying attitude...she definitely feels he deserves his own heartache and should get over himself.
    As you may have read I am a grandma now, smile. He is the delight of my life....I just love him to pieces. His name is Joey and he is 18 months old. He blows kisses when he wakes up next to me. He takes me by the hand to play with his toys. Yes, I sit on toddler sized "firetrucks" and "horseys" when instructed by Joey, lol...I am such a sucker for him...anything he wants grandma is there to do. smile, even if I look rediculous to the adults walking in on me sitting on one of his toys, lol.
    by the way, am gonna be a grandma for a 2nd time...young difficult child and Mindy are due to have another baby come December, expected due date is Dec 27th/28th. My Birthday is Dec 23rd. Mindy thinks it would pretty cool if next baby is born on my birthday...Joey was born on hers, Nov 7th. She ALSO has been dreaming that next baby is gonna be a girl...I would so love that, alittle sister for Mr Joey.
    Young difficult child will have pacemaker surgery this next week, looks like. Unclear as to how much the drugs he has used in his past play a role in his heart condition. Am hoping to go with him to his Pre op appointment on Mon to hear what the Dr says about all this. Young difficult child is very scared...counting down the days as though they are his last. His anxiety is over the top, ya know.

    Anyway, I am good this morning. Plan on going over to my mom's in alittle bit with easy child, young difficult child, Joey and Mindy. easy child has a bowling tournament on Sunday...I'll probibly hit the Casino that day. lol, I'm so bad. But it's my weekly "getaway from itall" treat.

    Hope you have a great day, Melissa.
  14. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Tammy, I indeed have read many of your posts. First, congrats on being a grandmother and also soon to be once again :) Thats wonderful that you and Joey are so close. What a gift!!!
    I had read about your daughter coming out to you. Im happy to hear you two have a bond where she is open and feels safe talking to you. I understand your husband has his right to his convictions, I am certainly glad to hear that they have chosen the dont ask dont tell approach. I would have been saddened had they lost having a relationship. That happens so often. Sounds like he won't risk losing your daughter due to his beliefs vs hers. For that I applaud him. Your easy child needs both parents. Perhaps this part of her life she wont' be sharing with your husband, but she does have you to talk to and she still has her dad. That's wonderful.

    I am sorry to hear young difficult child is having surgery. I can imagine it must frighten him, he is a young man. I don't know if his drug use would lead to this but I find it likely it at least contributed in some way. Drugs are just so invasive and the body isn't meant to try to cope with being diluged with them. I hope that his recover is speedy and I hope that perhaps this scare will help him open his eyes to the joys and possibilites in life and all that life has to offer him. I know he is struggling in many ways from what I have read. Maybe this will be a blessing in disguise and he will appreciate that catching this heart issue earlier may well be saving his life. If a man such as him, young, but throwing away such opportunities that others would give anything to have, gets a second chance, he is duty bound to himself, his child and upcoming child, Mindy, you and your husband etc to make the best of it each and every day from here on out. We do not need to be defined by our past when we begin to live each day the right way with the right intentions and the right goals. He is more than capable. Hopefully this will wisen him up to his incredible potential and he will begin living up to it. Sometimes good comes from bad. I am sorry to hear he is so convinced this is "the end" for him. Maybe though this horrible fear will work to his advantage when he wakes up after that surgery when he obviously doesn't expect to. I'd be tempted when he breaks down afterwards with gratitude for surviving this (and he will, these things are frightening for sure but incredibly routine and I'm sure he'll do just fine :) ) to comfort him and slip in some sort of seed for thought about how he just was given a chance to do it all over, start fresh with eyes that have seen the possibility that he might be gone before he lived up to what is needed of him. ;)

    Enjoy your day with your family Tammy :) Sounds from what I have read that you all have come a long way too. I'm proud of you. I must say that you sound wonderful in the posts I read. Sure there is struggle still amongst your family, but you sound balanced and healthy and happy. That is terrific :)
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I've been Star since forever (No confusion from me)


    koo koo ca chew.

    Glad to hear that everything is going so well. Matt sounds like he's really turning his life around and becoming a mature young man. I'm very happy for you both. I very glad you aren't having to home school anymore. I know that is a tough assignment. You lurker you......


    That makes YOU
    TURKEY LURKEY!!! bwah ha ha...​
  16. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    ROFLMAO Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been a long time. And you will ALWAYS be Star lol

    Turkey Lurkey!!!! I love love love it. I shall keep it. I shall have tshirts made with the name on the little pocket so all shall know just who they are dealing with ;)

    Nice to see you again Star. I've been reading about your world too, and I love that your humor just increases as more life goes on. You are the bestest lol.
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hi Melissa! Nice update, I'm so happy for Matt (and you because of the positive changes). Nice to 'see' you again~
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey Mattsmom...This is Dammit Janet who was Dammit Janet then Corysmom then Dammit Janet again but I suspect you know that because I remember you from when you were

    I cant even begin to update. are grown, Im alive, I have 2.5 grandkids. No one is in jail. All those things werent taken for granted last
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Star has a rather large corner as her 'humor' gets her in hot water every now and then. All of us in the corner world drew the line, though, when she tried to sneak a donkey in. She keeps her door closed a lot and I SWEAR I can hear neighing through the walls. And what's with the pieces of hay I find in the entryway? And that 'rock' I found on the steps going down wasn't a ROCK, Star.

    I did peek in one day and she and her 'stuffed' donkey (as she calls it) were sitting and watching Oprah. The 'stuffed' donkey had a diaper on it. They didn't see me as they were both transfixed on today's topic - Obsessive Animal Owners. The donkey had a slightly frightened look on it's face.

    So, Melissa, the directions to your corner, if you ever need one, is as follows: Go to Main Street in any city around the world. Take a right at the first abandoned building you see and descend down the first staircase. If there is an open now have your corner. It's getting a bit cramped down here lately, though. (Scoot over Stang. You're in my space.) You'll know MY corner as it's guarded by Titanium sporks.

  20. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    THAT corner. Silly me. I had the answers the entire time!!!!! I have to say though that I am grateful Star and her donkey have their own space. Donkey's scare me. All those teeth. Nursery rhymes always frightened me. Those teeth take me back ... I may need to use the corner for multi purposes, including hiding from toothy creatures!

    Janet, I am so glad that things are settling in your world. I was lurking when you were in hospital and said prayers for you nightly and kept coming daily to read for updates. You are a real trooper!!!!!!!!!!!!