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<blockquote data-quote="Gran2Angels" data-source="post: 598719" data-attributes="member: 8951"><p>Recovering and Scent of Cedar,</p><p></p><p>Your replies have touched deep within my darkened heart. I don't even have words. Except to say...</p><p></p><p>You get it. You get it. You get it. Somebody is speaking directly to ME and knows. I hate it that you know, I really do. But just that you do, has opened a landslide of tears. I am just overcome. You both, well all of the replies on this thread, you all just say things so clearly, so honest and direct of what we have been trudging through. Your words are just so deeply intimate to me, I can't explain it in a way to bring the true meaning, not the way I want to. I just don't have the gift of expressing it well - my instincts are to type and type raw, angry, disgusting feelings of the past years of the mess. Just anger. And more anger. Of all the money down a black hole to help difficult child. All the hours, days, weeks, years... year after year trying to make "it" right. Being there for her. Loving and encouraging her. Giving opportunity after opportunity. Showing grace. Forgiving her, offense after offense after offense. All for nothing. Just a black hole.</p><p></p><p>DDD, Thank you... I want to respond to your advise as well. The money decisions hover right now. difficult child floats around doing nothing. NOTHING. I am paying $200 a week for childcare...etc, etc... I am considering withdrawing some of my very modest retirement savings just to survive the summer. I know these decisions will cause me more grief later, but what else to do? Today is here and it is needed. When you look back, do you think you could have done it different?</p><p></p><p>I have to get it together and get to the ball field with the kids. I will read this again later to really process and respond. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for the hugs, support and wisdom. Thank you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gran2Angels, post: 598719, member: 8951"] Recovering and Scent of Cedar, Your replies have touched deep within my darkened heart. I don't even have words. Except to say... You get it. You get it. You get it. Somebody is speaking directly to ME and knows. I hate it that you know, I really do. But just that you do, has opened a landslide of tears. I am just overcome. You both, well all of the replies on this thread, you all just say things so clearly, so honest and direct of what we have been trudging through. Your words are just so deeply intimate to me, I can't explain it in a way to bring the true meaning, not the way I want to. I just don't have the gift of expressing it well - my instincts are to type and type raw, angry, disgusting feelings of the past years of the mess. Just anger. And more anger. Of all the money down a black hole to help difficult child. All the hours, days, weeks, years... year after year trying to make "it" right. Being there for her. Loving and encouraging her. Giving opportunity after opportunity. Showing grace. Forgiving her, offense after offense after offense. All for nothing. Just a black hole. DDD, Thank you... I want to respond to your advise as well. The money decisions hover right now. difficult child floats around doing nothing. NOTHING. I am paying $200 a week for childcare...etc, etc... I am considering withdrawing some of my very modest retirement savings just to survive the summer. I know these decisions will cause me more grief later, but what else to do? Today is here and it is needed. When you look back, do you think you could have done it different? I have to get it together and get to the ball field with the kids. I will read this again later to really process and respond. Thanks for the hugs, support and wisdom. Thank you all. [/QUOTE]
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