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<blockquote data-quote="Gran2Angels" data-source="post: 599167" data-attributes="member: 8951"><p>Thank you all for the replies. I have been on here and read them, more than once. </p><p></p><p>I tried calling the 211 National hotline number. A recording comes on about it being a disconnected number.</p><p></p><p>I did call and talk with foster care and social services. Since I received custody via a lawyer and not through foster care, there is no assistance available. They told me there is something called kinship care. Apparently we don't qualify for that either as a) both parents are not dead b) a case of neglect is not on file with our state's cabinet. </p><p></p><p>She had neglected their dental care. My grandson's 4 front molars were in really bad shape. My daughter knew he had these but she didn't do anything about it. It took us 3 months of dental appointments to take care of these problems. We have one more crown to go and he will be good until December. And the medical card doesn't pay for the crowns, at the tune of $700 each. </p><p></p><p>So the expenses this year have been right at ten thousand. My emergency savings is down to nothing. That is why I will have to take out retirement. </p><p></p><p>I keep telling myself the good things, that the kids are safe. They are doing well and now they smile a lot. They are both only on their one add medication, a lower dose at that, are very stable. My grandson did not have to have his front permanent molars pulled, which he was evidently months away from not being able to save them, even with root canals. He's twelve. They are doing sports and involved in life again. </p><p></p><p>But I am still angry at my daughter and I have to find a way to move past it. Bitterness is not a nice quality. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>As far back as three years ago we tried to get the state involved and get them taken from her or the situation addressed. I wrote about it briefly here at one time. My daughter is very pretty and dresses well (used to any way.... these past 6 months I've noticed her appearance is really starting to show the wear and tear of her lifestyle). She also can turn on the charm and tell a sad story, sweet charm or tears or whatever she has to do to get out of a jam. It has worked for her. The kids were having a terrible time at school back then and it was an absolute nightmare. Social service really was no help at all. They would show up and talk to her a bit, and like magic... all was well and no case opened. The school counseler wouldn't talk to me due to privacy laws and one even told me in no uncertain terms that my daughter presents well and she has talked to her about the kids. Just flat wouldn't talk to me. They were both put on plans at school to help them. Upped their ADD medicine and put my granddaughter on some other medicine at night. It gave her nightmares and she hated taking it. My grandson had constant stomach aches and didn't eat much, lost weight, all because of this higher dose of medicine. I wasn't allowed to go to Dr. visit's or do anything to say what I was seeing at home even though I had them A LOT. To top it all off, my daughter ended up with more assistance money. This was all three years ago.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how it is with social services in your areas, but it seems around here these workers are either overwhelmed and let some things slide because these cases aren't the worst and they are doing the best they can maybe? Or if they just see so much they get hardened to it all and if the children are half-way functioning, well then, they just go ahead and deem it ok? I don't know. It has angered me over the years. </p><p></p><p>But anyway, what happened this time after months of weird behavior, leaving them with whomever when she did have them, keeping them out late on school nights, late to school or not taking them at all when she did have them, etc... was when she was kicked out of her last place, called me to come and get them, then did not even so much as call to check on them for 5 weeks. She didn't even get their stuff out of the trailer they were living in. She took her clothes, the big screen tv and toilets. Just left the rest and dropped out of sight. My son and I went and got their bikes, clothes and very personal belongings. I went to a lawyer I had talked to about trying to get them in the past and she now is the time. I had to pay for everything and it was $3,000 to start it and double that and more by the time it was over. My daughter ended up signing a joint custody with me being primary to avoid a case being opened. The family court judge and my attrny advised me that this was the best and fastest way to end it and keep them safe. So that's how I got "legal" custody earlier this year. Their mother is entitled to the visitation schedule but she doesn't act on it.</p><p></p><p>I guess it works out different for everyone. It would be nice to have some help, especially childcare. It is very expensive, as you know. </p><p></p><p>Any advise is appreciated. I may be slow to respond, as we are still in ball season are doing games most nights. But I do read your responses and thank you so much. Your support and understanding is more than I can say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gran2Angels, post: 599167, member: 8951"] Thank you all for the replies. I have been on here and read them, more than once. I tried calling the 211 National hotline number. A recording comes on about it being a disconnected number. I did call and talk with foster care and social services. Since I received custody via a lawyer and not through foster care, there is no assistance available. They told me there is something called kinship care. Apparently we don't qualify for that either as a) both parents are not dead b) a case of neglect is not on file with our state's cabinet. She had neglected their dental care. My grandson's 4 front molars were in really bad shape. My daughter knew he had these but she didn't do anything about it. It took us 3 months of dental appointments to take care of these problems. We have one more crown to go and he will be good until December. And the medical card doesn't pay for the crowns, at the tune of $700 each. So the expenses this year have been right at ten thousand. My emergency savings is down to nothing. That is why I will have to take out retirement. I keep telling myself the good things, that the kids are safe. They are doing well and now they smile a lot. They are both only on their one add medication, a lower dose at that, are very stable. My grandson did not have to have his front permanent molars pulled, which he was evidently months away from not being able to save them, even with root canals. He's twelve. They are doing sports and involved in life again. But I am still angry at my daughter and I have to find a way to move past it. Bitterness is not a nice quality. :( As far back as three years ago we tried to get the state involved and get them taken from her or the situation addressed. I wrote about it briefly here at one time. My daughter is very pretty and dresses well (used to any way.... these past 6 months I've noticed her appearance is really starting to show the wear and tear of her lifestyle). She also can turn on the charm and tell a sad story, sweet charm or tears or whatever she has to do to get out of a jam. It has worked for her. The kids were having a terrible time at school back then and it was an absolute nightmare. Social service really was no help at all. They would show up and talk to her a bit, and like magic... all was well and no case opened. The school counseler wouldn't talk to me due to privacy laws and one even told me in no uncertain terms that my daughter presents well and she has talked to her about the kids. Just flat wouldn't talk to me. They were both put on plans at school to help them. Upped their ADD medicine and put my granddaughter on some other medicine at night. It gave her nightmares and she hated taking it. My grandson had constant stomach aches and didn't eat much, lost weight, all because of this higher dose of medicine. I wasn't allowed to go to Dr. visit's or do anything to say what I was seeing at home even though I had them A LOT. To top it all off, my daughter ended up with more assistance money. This was all three years ago. I don't know how it is with social services in your areas, but it seems around here these workers are either overwhelmed and let some things slide because these cases aren't the worst and they are doing the best they can maybe? Or if they just see so much they get hardened to it all and if the children are half-way functioning, well then, they just go ahead and deem it ok? I don't know. It has angered me over the years. But anyway, what happened this time after months of weird behavior, leaving them with whomever when she did have them, keeping them out late on school nights, late to school or not taking them at all when she did have them, etc... was when she was kicked out of her last place, called me to come and get them, then did not even so much as call to check on them for 5 weeks. She didn't even get their stuff out of the trailer they were living in. She took her clothes, the big screen tv and toilets. Just left the rest and dropped out of sight. My son and I went and got their bikes, clothes and very personal belongings. I went to a lawyer I had talked to about trying to get them in the past and she now is the time. I had to pay for everything and it was $3,000 to start it and double that and more by the time it was over. My daughter ended up signing a joint custody with me being primary to avoid a case being opened. The family court judge and my attrny advised me that this was the best and fastest way to end it and keep them safe. So that's how I got "legal" custody earlier this year. Their mother is entitled to the visitation schedule but she doesn't act on it. I guess it works out different for everyone. It would be nice to have some help, especially childcare. It is very expensive, as you know. Any advise is appreciated. I may be slow to respond, as we are still in ball season are doing games most nights. But I do read your responses and thank you so much. Your support and understanding is more than I can say. [/QUOTE]
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