It's good to "see" some of my original support system is still here!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredbutblessed, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. It's been a really long time since I've visited here. WOW HOW all this has grown!!! I can tell you this was my port in many a storms.. recently my difficult child behavior has become severe and I thought of this site! Right now(!) I really need to get this under controll and I'm at a loss.. my behavoral approaches are not working any more.. or possibly I need to refresh on the techniques. I feel myself loosing my ability to remain calm .. I guess I need to vent to a group that 'gets it'.

    .. a bit about us...

    I am a single mom (AKA.. severly underemployed, barely making it, burning the candle at both endes) to a typically well adjusted autistic 8 YO daughter. Till about 6MO ago she has responded really great to a restricted diet and controll of her many medical challenges (thyroid, medabolic, immunology, food and enviromental allergies and so on.. ) Keeping these things under controll has kept her autistic tendencies at a minimum... she is mainstreamed in a magnet school where she has scored at 99.9% for her age. She was the social butterfly where she is always in trouble for being the overly talkative popular one in class... every autistic mom's dream LOL!! All her doctors warned me as she grows NO BODY KNOWS how her hormones etc are going to reak havoc on her current regimine. Well I think I'm beginning to get a slight taste of it now. To make it even more of a challenge, combine that with the fact her dad that doesn't think there is anything wrong with her.. and has basically abandon her.. I've got my hands full right now.

    The most successful method I 've used was the basket method... OBVIOUSLY i'm either not using it correctly any more or she has out grown it. What are some of the recommendations for an 8YO.. by the way I am trying to get her in to see a therapist but her dad is fighting me on it... again he says there is nothing wrong with her. I have filed an emergency motion since she has started hitting me and is defiant and will not take her medications etc but I still need to deal in the meanwhile.. HELP.. PLEASE... I need to keep her healthy and me off the edge... I havn't felt like I was going to simply loose it in a REALLY long time but I'm there again .. I'm so glad this site is still here... if anything thanks for letting me vent.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have a son on the spectrum and in my opinion she needs autistm interventions. The k ids do tend to be smart, but as they get older their social deficits really pop up and they tend to act inappropriately. My son was popoular as a young boy too because he was silly and ran around and the k ids followed him. But asa he got older, and relationships became more complicated, such as having to have give-and-take, heart-to-heart talks, he was clueless. Being social doesn't make one socially appropriate or able to read others. Also, autistic kids tend to frustrate easily and act out (due to their neurologial differences) and often they see parents as peers rather than authority figures (in their world, everything must be fair and all people are equal, age is not a factor).

    I strongly recommend getting her invnolved in the normal Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) interventions for autistic kids. What works for typical kids will very likely not work for autistic kids because their brains are wired differently...not worse, just different. I don't personally feel that a therapist, unless he is specific to autistic kids, will be of much help as Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids do not connect well with others nor communicate their thoughts well and it takes a specialist in autism to know how to draw them out. Also autism is not a psychiatric problem. It's a neurological problem that includes behaviors that look like a less experienced therapist could call it a psychiatric problem. Some Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids have psychiatric problems too, but your daughter was doing so well, to me it just sounds like the normal Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) frustration of them not understanding the world and acting out of frustration. And even very bright Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids still don't really "get" social ques/norms. If they do, then I'd question the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis.

    Your daughter sounds so bright with a lot of potential. I would not ignore the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) aspect of her development. My son got nowhere going to psychiatrists and being put on medications . The school interventions really helped him a lot. And the older he gets the more different he seems from other kids yet the more same he seems...if this makes any sense fo you...lol.

    I wish you luck and welcome back. Did you have a different name before?
     
  3. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    If dad thinks difficult child is fine, then let difficult child spend the summer with him. Obviously, he has no idea what your difficult child is doing. If she does better with him(which I doubt) then let her go there and no therapy. If she continues to lose her control and not act appropriately when angry then intervention of some type is required. You can not live in a home where someone is hitting someone else.
    Having a parent who isn't seeing the needs of a child who is struggling, is tough. He needs to see for himself what his daughter needs. I'm a fan of the approach that if husband doesn't like my suggestion or idea of what to do to help then he is welcome to come up with a better one. A) it usually stuns them. B) they have to admit they don't know C) in a perfect world it will bring your difficult child dad into the picture and become involved.
     
  4. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    My daughters are not autistic but both have special diets (girlfriend/CF). One of them was diagnosis'ed with ODD before she went on this diet. If she cheats or makes a mistake, her old behaviour comes right back.

    You don't say why your daughter has a special diet, but is it possible she is cheating and it is affecting her behaviour? When my daughter is that way, the baskets don't work, because she is so unreasonable, there is no Basket B.
     
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome back. So sorry you had to come back, though ...
    I agree, she needs Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) intervention. Don't know how to go about that with-your ex (he's your ex, right?) refusing. Do you need a lawyer?
    Many hugs.
     
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