about our grown kids' self-imposed BS. Especially when they're not living with us and we aren't in their stuff all the time. THANK GOODNESS! I mentioned something a week or so ago about M coming over and wanting something in writing for us about college tuition. I made husband deal with getting the particulars from M and we looked into to see what was going on before anything happened. Here's the deal... M left home just after he was 16 years old in the fall of his Jr. year and was soon made a ward of the court for having been convicted of assaulting husband. He spent time in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and then eventually went into an Independently Learning Center where they were to help him figure out how to get on with his life because we were such awful people that he couldn't possibly ask us for anything. (ie: people would have realized that he was a con artist if they had to deal with us.) At one point, they asked us to fill out paperwork for his college loan applications. We told them to send him to the high school guidance counselor and his Probation Officer, as he was no longer in our custody. He chose not to do that. Of course, everyone thought we were awful, but it really didn't have anything to do with us. Too bad they called themselves experts in helping kids who were not in their parents' custody. Fast forward to this year. M has a girlfriend, and cons her into getting an apartment of their own together in spite of having promised her that he would save a certain amount of money up before hand. Her problem. And I could see the writing on the wall. By June, he has lost his job and is collecting "funemployment". He did ask what to do, and I told him to make an appointment right then with Vocational Rehab (as he has muscular dystrophy) and to apply for financial aid for college. I also told him that he'd better work hard at getting a job. Nah, he's camping and playing and this and that. The girlfriend dumps him by August. And that's when he comes to our house. He has gone to the FASFA site and has determined that he needs to show whether he is independent or our dependent. For some reason he has determined that he can't say he's independent even though one of the questions is "Between the ages of 13 and 18 years were you ever a made ward of the Court?" The answer is yes, and that makes him independent of us. Instead, he has gone to the college and said that we won't pay for his tuition. They tell him he needs a letter from two independent sources that will show that - Parents are UNABLE, due to incapacitation, institutionalization, or disappearance, to participate in the application process, OR - Student is UNABLE, based on fear of physical and violent confrontation OR because of past abuse issues, to obtain parental information. OK, so none of that is true. And if we wrote a letter for him it would be absolute proof that none of that is true. All he has to do is answer the question about being a ward of the court truthfully. husband told him we wouldn't write anything, and if he needs proof of having been a ward of the court M needs to go to the juvenile court and get a copy of the judge's order. End of story. I mean, obviously it's way too late at this point to apply for financial aid for this term, but whose fault is that? His. He got so caught up in his "back story" all of those years he never once thought to actually take advantage of all of the opportunities that were available to him to go ahead and get into college either then, or to know what the requirements are so that he could go forward with it when he was ready. He's 23 years old and graduated from high school 5 years ago. He could have graduated college by now. He could have just come and asked for help figuring the process out any time in the last 5 years. But to come to us and ask us to write a letter that says that we're mentally incompetent or in jail, or that we're going to physically assault M so it's unsafe for us to know his location? All I can say is that I'm glad that we determined a long time ago that this is the path he is choosing and we can't make these decisions for him.