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It's Not Always the difficult children....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 412038" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First of all, she isn't in touch with reality. Reality means that you get what you pay for and if you pay $10 per hour for 2nd shift daycare for 3 boys then you get really poor quality care. NO homework help, no hot meal (here they would expect the parent to have the meal packed for the kid or if they were in the kid's home then it would be something that could be nuked or was in a slow cooker ready to serve. You are blessed to find the latter - truly blessed.) You do NOT get a loving nana to care for them. Just doesn't happen.</p><p> </p><p>Is she going to be cutting back soon? As in within just a few weeks? If not then it is time for a talk with her. </p><p> </p><p>I don't think any of us are saying she should be a stay at home mom. But she should NOT be risking her life and the lives of her kids by driving so exhausted. Are you aware that tired drivers cause FAR more accidents than drunk drivers? Has she cared for any patients who were hit by drunk drivers? Is that what she wants for her kids? Maybe she should let you put the kids to bed and then crash at your house 2-3 nights a week. She can take the kids home when she wakes up or she can get them ready for school at your house. </p><p> </p><p>Letting her take those kids in her car when she is that tired is just as bad as letting her take them in the car when she is drunk. I know you well enough to know you would NOT do that. I know her well enough to know she would NEVER drive her kids somewhere after she has been drinking. This is a safety issue and is too big to let pass. in my opinion it is going to result in tragedy very soon.</p><p> </p><p>Ask her what her kids will remember after she falls asleep while driving and kills herself? I know you must approach her carefully, but this isn't a talk that you can wait much longer on. If she shows up and is slurring her words, stumbling, etc... because she is tired, PLEASE do not allow her to take those babies with her. She may hate it in the now, but she would hate an accident owrse. </p><p> </p><p>How will YOU feel if she is in an accident after she picks up the kids from your home?Can you live iwth that?</p><p> </p><p>As for the overworked mom who goes off on the kids? She is human, as you know. If you are seeing too much of this (and it sounds like you are - you do not say anything until it gets bad most of the time, esp about your adult easy child) then it is time to let her know you are concerned. </p><p> </p><p>You are right that if she worked fewer days she would likely have more money. Her expenses are likely far more than the $$ she is earning. Not paying the going rate for daycare is helping her to hide from this fact. You might ask her if her kids deserve good care or bad care - cause you have to PAY for good care and $10 an hour won't cut it. It jsut won't with 3 little kids. </p><p> </p><p>I am sure she has NO clue how she sounds to her kids. Record her as she picks up the kids for the next week or two. Then let her listen, and tell her honestly if she sounds like this most of the time. That way it will be HER telling her that she isn't giving the kids her best - or even her "good enough". </p><p> </p><p>I don't envy you. It isn't easy to discuss this stuff. But you are so right about the accident that is going to happen.</p><p> </p><p>You may want to call some daycares and sitters to see what the going rates for 3 boys in daycare and 3 boys at a private sitter are. Let her see what is expected if she wants full time daycare. then let her pay you that rate while youa re watching them. You and husband need the $$ and it is not right for her to not pay you the going rate, esp as you do SO MUCH above what any other sitter would do.</p><p> </p><p>Tell her if she watns to drop her hours down so she isn't exhausted then you will let her continue iwth the current rate until she finds a situation that works as far as babysitting. Cause right now she has NO reason to keep looking for another sitter. You are cheap and she is exhausted so her days off are not filled with looking for a new sitter.</p><p> </p><p>I would also tell her that if she is tired she can let you know and you will keep the boys all night rather than have her drive that tired. IF that is something you are willing to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 412038, member: 1233"] First of all, she isn't in touch with reality. Reality means that you get what you pay for and if you pay $10 per hour for 2nd shift daycare for 3 boys then you get really poor quality care. NO homework help, no hot meal (here they would expect the parent to have the meal packed for the kid or if they were in the kid's home then it would be something that could be nuked or was in a slow cooker ready to serve. You are blessed to find the latter - truly blessed.) You do NOT get a loving nana to care for them. Just doesn't happen. Is she going to be cutting back soon? As in within just a few weeks? If not then it is time for a talk with her. I don't think any of us are saying she should be a stay at home mom. But she should NOT be risking her life and the lives of her kids by driving so exhausted. Are you aware that tired drivers cause FAR more accidents than drunk drivers? Has she cared for any patients who were hit by drunk drivers? Is that what she wants for her kids? Maybe she should let you put the kids to bed and then crash at your house 2-3 nights a week. She can take the kids home when she wakes up or she can get them ready for school at your house. Letting her take those kids in her car when she is that tired is just as bad as letting her take them in the car when she is drunk. I know you well enough to know you would NOT do that. I know her well enough to know she would NEVER drive her kids somewhere after she has been drinking. This is a safety issue and is too big to let pass. in my opinion it is going to result in tragedy very soon. Ask her what her kids will remember after she falls asleep while driving and kills herself? I know you must approach her carefully, but this isn't a talk that you can wait much longer on. If she shows up and is slurring her words, stumbling, etc... because she is tired, PLEASE do not allow her to take those babies with her. She may hate it in the now, but she would hate an accident owrse. How will YOU feel if she is in an accident after she picks up the kids from your home?Can you live iwth that? As for the overworked mom who goes off on the kids? She is human, as you know. If you are seeing too much of this (and it sounds like you are - you do not say anything until it gets bad most of the time, esp about your adult easy child) then it is time to let her know you are concerned. You are right that if she worked fewer days she would likely have more money. Her expenses are likely far more than the $$ she is earning. Not paying the going rate for daycare is helping her to hide from this fact. You might ask her if her kids deserve good care or bad care - cause you have to PAY for good care and $10 an hour won't cut it. It jsut won't with 3 little kids. I am sure she has NO clue how she sounds to her kids. Record her as she picks up the kids for the next week or two. Then let her listen, and tell her honestly if she sounds like this most of the time. That way it will be HER telling her that she isn't giving the kids her best - or even her "good enough". I don't envy you. It isn't easy to discuss this stuff. But you are so right about the accident that is going to happen. You may want to call some daycares and sitters to see what the going rates for 3 boys in daycare and 3 boys at a private sitter are. Let her see what is expected if she wants full time daycare. then let her pay you that rate while youa re watching them. You and husband need the $$ and it is not right for her to not pay you the going rate, esp as you do SO MUCH above what any other sitter would do. Tell her if she watns to drop her hours down so she isn't exhausted then you will let her continue iwth the current rate until she finds a situation that works as far as babysitting. Cause right now she has NO reason to keep looking for another sitter. You are cheap and she is exhausted so her days off are not filled with looking for a new sitter. I would also tell her that if she is tired she can let you know and you will keep the boys all night rather than have her drive that tired. IF that is something you are willing to do. [/QUOTE]
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