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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 419041"><p>Thanks all. It is easier to stay strong when he is not really communicating with us. It will be harder when he calls upset, crying and begging to come home. I think he knows he can't come and live here but I suspect he will hope to come back home and have us help him get an apartment.... that won't happen. The only way we will pay for anything is if he goes to a sober living place. And although I am kind of looking at the internet, this time I am not going to be the one to find a place for him. This time it needs to be all up to him, and he can come to us to help him pay for tx. It is clear he has to be at the place where he is really willing to work for his own tx.... and maybe it will take another stint in jail for him to get that again.... or maybe some unpleasant time in a homeless shelter or on the street. Both awful thoughts but we cannot continue to try and save him if he is not willing to really work hard to save himself. It is hard because it is easy to imagine him dead or in jail..... and of course jail would be a better choice.</p><p></p><p>He is passing the drug tests but they don't test for everything and don't test for Spice which is what the folks at the sober house think he has been doing. They are probably right... and somehow in his mind it doesn't count. I just saw on his fb page that he has been sober for 6 months... well that is clearly not true. He wants to be able to live his life and do what he wants.... </p><p></p><p>Well my feeling at this point is he now has the freedom to do just that. He can live his life and do it by his own rules. I am not sure how he will have money but he has the freedom to figure that out. We have the freedom to choose how we will help out financially.... and we are not going to help him out if he is living on his own doing whatever. Enough of that.</p><p></p><p>As much as I want to know how he is doing it is easier to take the hard line when he is not actually talking to us. I think the sober house folks are going to call us back this afteroon after they have met and hopefully talked to him. They are good people and really care... but really none of us can help him if he doesn't want to help himself.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to just be ok myself no matter what happens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 419041"] Thanks all. It is easier to stay strong when he is not really communicating with us. It will be harder when he calls upset, crying and begging to come home. I think he knows he can't come and live here but I suspect he will hope to come back home and have us help him get an apartment.... that won't happen. The only way we will pay for anything is if he goes to a sober living place. And although I am kind of looking at the internet, this time I am not going to be the one to find a place for him. This time it needs to be all up to him, and he can come to us to help him pay for tx. It is clear he has to be at the place where he is really willing to work for his own tx.... and maybe it will take another stint in jail for him to get that again.... or maybe some unpleasant time in a homeless shelter or on the street. Both awful thoughts but we cannot continue to try and save him if he is not willing to really work hard to save himself. It is hard because it is easy to imagine him dead or in jail..... and of course jail would be a better choice. He is passing the drug tests but they don't test for everything and don't test for Spice which is what the folks at the sober house think he has been doing. They are probably right... and somehow in his mind it doesn't count. I just saw on his fb page that he has been sober for 6 months... well that is clearly not true. He wants to be able to live his life and do what he wants.... Well my feeling at this point is he now has the freedom to do just that. He can live his life and do it by his own rules. I am not sure how he will have money but he has the freedom to figure that out. We have the freedom to choose how we will help out financially.... and we are not going to help him out if he is living on his own doing whatever. Enough of that. As much as I want to know how he is doing it is easier to take the hard line when he is not actually talking to us. I think the sober house folks are going to call us back this afteroon after they have met and hopefully talked to him. They are good people and really care... but really none of us can help him if he doesn't want to help himself. I am trying to just be ok myself no matter what happens. [/QUOTE]
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