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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 105832" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>:sad:</p><p>Star, I do feel for you. Last year difficult child had pushed me to the limit. Right after Christmas, in January of 06, he stole all my jewelry--except what I was wearing, and I'm sure had I been sleeping when the bright idea hit him, he would have taken it too--and pawned it at the local pawn shop. </p><p></p><p>The year continued to worsen. Small infractions, petty thefs-for which no one would hold him accountable. In October he was attacked by some local Crip wannabes and almost killed. In November he broke into sister in law's house and stole some money. He then stole from his best friend (the son of my very best friend). We packed him up, sent him to rehab in Buffalo, NY. It took all of my Christmas fund money to send him, but he seemed to really be sincere. He was home 2 days later. No refunds. We then packed him up and sent him to a place up in your neck of the woods------(In the meantime, husband's mother died, it will be one year tomorrow, so difficult child came home for the funeral---but we refused to allow him to stay longer than 2 days.)He lasted 3 months and then was home in February.</p><p></p><p>He continued his downward spiral until he was arrested in March and we refused to bond him out. He sat there for a month, until husband's father died and I made some calls and had him released on a PR. Since then, things have improved. But those days, that year and a half was dark. I simply quit caring. I wouldn't answer if he called. I wouldn't speak if spoken to except for short, curt replies. I quit on him. And you know what----when he got out of jail in April---he finally cried and apologized---for everything. He was honest for the first time in his life. </p><p></p><p>He is better now. Not great, but better. I think because he wants to be and because he knows that I am still detached and the shock value is gone. He can't hurt me anymore. And if he goes against my rules---he's gone. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes you just have to back away. So Dude gets nothing this year....so what? He won't die. He probably has too much already. So he gets upset? Big deal, he would get upset anyway.</p><p>If you want to quit Christmas or give it up this year---do. If you want to change your traditions, then change them. If you want to wrap yourself in tinsel and garland and stand on your roof with a lighted star on your head, do it.</p><p></p><p>NO GUILT.</p><p></p><p>But, do it because it is what you want. Not because Dude "made" you feel that way. </p><p></p><p>(If you want you can come south for the holidays---the beach is lovely this time of year!!!) I've decorated, wrapped, cooked, baked, and will even play some background Christmas music. You can just sit and enjoy. I'll even make my difficult child be nice to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 105832, member: 1436"] [img]:sad:[/img] Star, I do feel for you. Last year difficult child had pushed me to the limit. Right after Christmas, in January of 06, he stole all my jewelry--except what I was wearing, and I'm sure had I been sleeping when the bright idea hit him, he would have taken it too--and pawned it at the local pawn shop. The year continued to worsen. Small infractions, petty thefs-for which no one would hold him accountable. In October he was attacked by some local Crip wannabes and almost killed. In November he broke into sister in law's house and stole some money. He then stole from his best friend (the son of my very best friend). We packed him up, sent him to rehab in Buffalo, NY. It took all of my Christmas fund money to send him, but he seemed to really be sincere. He was home 2 days later. No refunds. We then packed him up and sent him to a place up in your neck of the woods------(In the meantime, husband's mother died, it will be one year tomorrow, so difficult child came home for the funeral---but we refused to allow him to stay longer than 2 days.)He lasted 3 months and then was home in February. He continued his downward spiral until he was arrested in March and we refused to bond him out. He sat there for a month, until husband's father died and I made some calls and had him released on a PR. Since then, things have improved. But those days, that year and a half was dark. I simply quit caring. I wouldn't answer if he called. I wouldn't speak if spoken to except for short, curt replies. I quit on him. And you know what----when he got out of jail in April---he finally cried and apologized---for everything. He was honest for the first time in his life. He is better now. Not great, but better. I think because he wants to be and because he knows that I am still detached and the shock value is gone. He can't hurt me anymore. And if he goes against my rules---he's gone. Sometimes you just have to back away. So Dude gets nothing this year....so what? He won't die. He probably has too much already. So he gets upset? Big deal, he would get upset anyway. If you want to quit Christmas or give it up this year---do. If you want to change your traditions, then change them. If you want to wrap yourself in tinsel and garland and stand on your roof with a lighted star on your head, do it. NO GUILT. But, do it because it is what you want. Not because Dude "made" you feel that way. (If you want you can come south for the holidays---the beach is lovely this time of year!!!) I've decorated, wrapped, cooked, baked, and will even play some background Christmas music. You can just sit and enjoy. I'll even make my difficult child be nice to you! [/QUOTE]
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