It's over...
- Thread starter witzend
- Start date
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Sending {{{hugs}}} and love.
witzend
Well-Known Member
Thank you all, and know that I write this through tears and a bottle (or so) of wine shared with a friend, and with husband.
I want to say that it's been a long long time since I hurt this badly and I had no idea that it would be this bad. I have to say that for you and for I, I always have hope for our children. The realization that there was no hope for a pain-free/carefree life for Bubba has tested my feelings about mortality. I only had my maternal grandparents when I was young, and they were old and frail and died when I was 10 & 12. I have already grieved the loss of my parents and family although they are not gone because they will not have me in their lives. This is so unfamiliar to me.
I know that I made the right decision. Bubba did not always know us when we came into the room. He pooped in the house most days (thank god for hardwoods). He was fearful of the other dogs and lashed out when they were near.
I spent time at a friend's house today laying by the pool reading. I did pretty good I(cried at the grocery store, cried at the pet spa) until I came home with husband and the dogs and then put on music at dinner. Late nights 20 years ago coming home from work I used to listen to this song (amongst other more happier songs) on the freeway on the way home from work when things were so obviously wrong with L and never going to be right. It always made me cry, and it still does. "Why Worry?" by Dire Straits. (Beware, it's long.) It reminds me that "there should be laughter after rain - these things have always been the same, so why worry now?"
At the time, I also listened to Tom Waits "I Can't Wait to Get Off Work and See My Baby". Maybe tomorrow or next week I'll get there...
Bawling some more...
I want to say that it's been a long long time since I hurt this badly and I had no idea that it would be this bad. I have to say that for you and for I, I always have hope for our children. The realization that there was no hope for a pain-free/carefree life for Bubba has tested my feelings about mortality. I only had my maternal grandparents when I was young, and they were old and frail and died when I was 10 & 12. I have already grieved the loss of my parents and family although they are not gone because they will not have me in their lives. This is so unfamiliar to me.
I know that I made the right decision. Bubba did not always know us when we came into the room. He pooped in the house most days (thank god for hardwoods). He was fearful of the other dogs and lashed out when they were near.
I spent time at a friend's house today laying by the pool reading. I did pretty good I(cried at the grocery store, cried at the pet spa) until I came home with husband and the dogs and then put on music at dinner. Late nights 20 years ago coming home from work I used to listen to this song (amongst other more happier songs) on the freeway on the way home from work when things were so obviously wrong with L and never going to be right. It always made me cry, and it still does. "Why Worry?" by Dire Straits. (Beware, it's long.) It reminds me that "there should be laughter after rain - these things have always been the same, so why worry now?"
At the time, I also listened to Tom Waits "I Can't Wait to Get Off Work and See My Baby". Maybe tomorrow or next week I'll get there...
Bawling some more...
