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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 450247" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I think you've done exactly the right thing. I think you should explore every possible avenue to save your marriage but there comes a time when you realize that nothing's going to change and that you're running yourself into a brick wall! </p><p></p><p>I went through something very similar when I was divorcing my alcoholic ex and the main thing I was worried about was that he would be driving drunk with the kids in the car. He never went anywhere without that 6-pack next to him in the front seat. The man drank literally all day long, from the time he got up to the time he went to bed. My daughter was 20 at the time and my son was 15, too young for a drivers license. He was supposed to see my son one day every two weeks but I always insisted that my daughter go along. Of course, he promised that he wasn't going to drink but his promises meant nothing and I knew that he would have been drinking all day long before he even picked them up. I drilled them over and over again to NOT get in the car with him if he was drinking, that my daughter should <em>insist</em> on driving, that if there was a problem they could call me and I would be right there to pick them up. And did they do as I asked? Nope! Turns out they were both too intimidated by him to refuse to get in the car. They had lived with him too long and were afraid to cross him! Later on my son related some stories of things that had happened on these visits that just made my hair stand on end. It was put in the divorce agreement that he would not drink while with the kids or for a certain number of hours before he saw them but of course he just ignored that. It worked itself out anyway because my son soon refused to see him at all which he had the right to do. But if I had it to do over again, I would permit no visits at all unless they were supervised and there was no driving involved. I should never have put the burden of policing the situation on the kids. I should have stood my ground and just refused to let my son go anywhere with him and let the legal chips fall where they may. If anything had happened to my kids, I would have never forgiven myself. Your son's safety comes first above all else and if there is any chance at all that his father will be under the influence of drugs when he is with your son, especially if he's driving, you need to pull the plug on those "visits" ASAP.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 450247, member: 1883"] I think you've done exactly the right thing. I think you should explore every possible avenue to save your marriage but there comes a time when you realize that nothing's going to change and that you're running yourself into a brick wall! I went through something very similar when I was divorcing my alcoholic ex and the main thing I was worried about was that he would be driving drunk with the kids in the car. He never went anywhere without that 6-pack next to him in the front seat. The man drank literally all day long, from the time he got up to the time he went to bed. My daughter was 20 at the time and my son was 15, too young for a drivers license. He was supposed to see my son one day every two weeks but I always insisted that my daughter go along. Of course, he promised that he wasn't going to drink but his promises meant nothing and I knew that he would have been drinking all day long before he even picked them up. I drilled them over and over again to NOT get in the car with him if he was drinking, that my daughter should [I]insist[/I] on driving, that if there was a problem they could call me and I would be right there to pick them up. And did they do as I asked? Nope! Turns out they were both too intimidated by him to refuse to get in the car. They had lived with him too long and were afraid to cross him! Later on my son related some stories of things that had happened on these visits that just made my hair stand on end. It was put in the divorce agreement that he would not drink while with the kids or for a certain number of hours before he saw them but of course he just ignored that. It worked itself out anyway because my son soon refused to see him at all which he had the right to do. But if I had it to do over again, I would permit no visits at all unless they were supervised and there was no driving involved. I should never have put the burden of policing the situation on the kids. I should have stood my ground and just refused to let my son go anywhere with him and let the legal chips fall where they may. If anything had happened to my kids, I would have never forgiven myself. Your son's safety comes first above all else and if there is any chance at all that his father will be under the influence of drugs when he is with your son, especially if he's driving, you need to pull the plug on those "visits" ASAP. [/QUOTE]
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