Its pure folly....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, May 15, 2013.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Ugh. I had a FB conversation with difficult child last night that made it hard for me to sleep. He sent me a message he was coming home on the 31st. I asked home where and how? He said the state we live in and he was coming by plane! His plan is to try and convince his ex-girlfriend (who was just out visiting him and was the reason he was kicked out of the sober house) to leave the state with him! Not sure how he got the money for the plane ticket.... apparently by being homeless. Panhandling? Stealing?

    I stayed as netural as I could in the conversation. He siad this is his last chance..... otherwise he is giving up. He also said he should have just done the prison time rather than getting stuck in "recovery"!! He thinks that writing the letter to the judge screwed him. That makes no sense to me at all!!!

    I told him if he comes back he might have a chance to do his prison time..... which is very true and very likely because I cant imagine if he comes back with the ex-girlfriend that he wont end up in trouble... and all the police around here know him and there are several warrants out for his arrest already!! I also asked hhim how he would support himself out of state with her. He didnt answer me after that.

    I guess he is just hoping she will somehow take care of him and save him.

    I have been thinking about him lately and what is wrong with him. I do think growing up he had empathy for those who were hurting...but for some reason i dont think he ever developed his own internal moral compass. So he might not do something out of fear for external bad consequences, but he does not seem to have that internal voice that tells him something is wrong and so dont do it. I am not sure he feels guilt until he gets in trouble and then he feels bad because he is in trouble.

    Sigh...well if he is going to end up in prison I would rather it be close to home.

    Time to find a way to go on with my day.

  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I totally understand. You just described my son to a T. I don't understand how they turn out that way or what to do about it.

    kuddos on putting one foot in front of another and staying calm during the conversation.
  3. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Sorry TL - so been there done that with crazy girlfriends, bad decisions, quitting school, jail, jail and more jail. One year he actually moved to Tenn with another difficult child for the purpose of rehab with some church, then the plans to move to Wisconsin as another difficult child friend was going there and had a job to make cheese (now I can laugh but it wasn't so funny at the time)

    Being on the board a LONG time, and as with a majority of the difficult child boys of moms on the board at the time, he didn't start getting his act together till around 26. There were a series of long slow painful lessons for him to figure things out. He could have done things so much easier if only he had listened to me :) but since I, according to him, never knew what I was talking about, and he knew everything, he had to learn lifes lessons the hard way. In hindsight, it was the best way for him but oh so hard on me to have to bear witness to the absolute crazyness at the time.

    Am sending some positive thoughts your way

  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thanks.... Marcie you give me some hope.... although right now I think if he ended up in jail i would be relieved.

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand TL, more than I care to admit. My difficult child was not born with a moral compass either and I don't think she ever developed one. No I'm sure she hasn't. I keep hoping your difficult child starts to get it. I'm waiting for that magic 26 year mark with you.
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I keep hoping with some brain development maybe things will get better.... I thought yesterday maybe jail would serve the purpose of letting his brain develop some more without drug use? Who knows.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im with Marcie on that 25/26 age range. Cory will be 27 in July and he is now doing so much better. I havent seen him in almost 3 months now. I never thought I would see that day unless he was in prison!
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I hate to be a Debbie Downer but my difficult child is about to turn 28 and I don't see any great improvement in her decision making.

  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Well I really wonder how much drug use plays into this. They say that your maturation kind of stops when you start using drugs... and I suspect that is true for young adults that keep using. As long as drug use is in the picture they may not develop those better decision making skills.... I can hope but I certainly am not counting on anything at this point. I remember when my son was a little boy looking forward to the teenage years because I was hoping with maturity some of his behaviors would get better!!! Ha that was a joke but might have been true to some extent if he hadnt started using drugs at such an early age.