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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 526791" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hi Nancy,</p><p>Beautifully said, and I believe it captures perfectly what most of us deal with. We are "fixers" by nature, and difficult children wouldn't be difficult children if they were fixers. So we're polar opposites in effect. The thing is, we can sort of see around corners by now, but they either can't, or won't - because it's not important enough to them. They are, however, resourceful in areas in which they choose to be resourceful. They just don't channel it into normal, predictable areas, like rent, job security, productive relationships, what will happen TOMORROW when I can't come up with the rent!</p><p>When things fall apart, though, and they always do, are we to just watch? I don't know! You know the expression, " small kids, small problems, big kids, big problems" - well if they don't learn to be fixers for themselves from a young age, and don't think they need fixing, who's going to fix the HUGE problems when the s**t hits the fan, and they haven't got a clue?</p><p>It's a terrible cycle of mess...fix, mess, fix, over and over and over again. We are not Atlas holding the world up on our shoulders. We just can't do that. We help others because we're moms and it's in our DNA to help, love, soothe, comfort. I think at some point, we have to surrender our difficult children to God's providence, knowing that we've done our best, but we're outta ideas at the moment. Surrendering control, even for little things, is hard for me. When husband drives, I'm always telling him to slow down, check your blind spot, get in the middle lane, etc. When I'm on a plane, my hands are clenched, my legs are tense, I just am not comfortable not being in control. Ever imagine how horribly, frustratingly out of control a parent of a terminally ill child feels? I'm guessing that's pretty much the same way you feel right now with your daughter. Every cell in your body wants to fix this thing, and you imagine that if you just concentrate a little harder, with a little more time, you'll figure it out. That's the definition of hope.</p><p></p><p> The only answer I can come up with is, either go insane, or leave it at God's feet. Do what you can, have a clear conscience, and let God be in charge of the rest. It sounds trite, but I can't think of anything else to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 526791, member: 13882"] Hi Nancy, Beautifully said, and I believe it captures perfectly what most of us deal with. We are "fixers" by nature, and difficult children wouldn't be difficult children if they were fixers. So we're polar opposites in effect. The thing is, we can sort of see around corners by now, but they either can't, or won't - because it's not important enough to them. They are, however, resourceful in areas in which they choose to be resourceful. They just don't channel it into normal, predictable areas, like rent, job security, productive relationships, what will happen TOMORROW when I can't come up with the rent! When things fall apart, though, and they always do, are we to just watch? I don't know! You know the expression, " small kids, small problems, big kids, big problems" - well if they don't learn to be fixers for themselves from a young age, and don't think they need fixing, who's going to fix the HUGE problems when the s**t hits the fan, and they haven't got a clue? It's a terrible cycle of mess...fix, mess, fix, over and over and over again. We are not Atlas holding the world up on our shoulders. We just can't do that. We help others because we're moms and it's in our DNA to help, love, soothe, comfort. I think at some point, we have to surrender our difficult children to God's providence, knowing that we've done our best, but we're outta ideas at the moment. Surrendering control, even for little things, is hard for me. When husband drives, I'm always telling him to slow down, check your blind spot, get in the middle lane, etc. When I'm on a plane, my hands are clenched, my legs are tense, I just am not comfortable not being in control. Ever imagine how horribly, frustratingly out of control a parent of a terminally ill child feels? I'm guessing that's pretty much the same way you feel right now with your daughter. Every cell in your body wants to fix this thing, and you imagine that if you just concentrate a little harder, with a little more time, you'll figure it out. That's the definition of hope. The only answer I can come up with is, either go insane, or leave it at God's feet. Do what you can, have a clear conscience, and let God be in charge of the rest. It sounds trite, but I can't think of anything else to do. [/QUOTE]
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