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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 527530"><p>Janet, thanks for clarifying your point of view. It was clearer to me this time anyways. I agree with you in principal and have followed that principal often with my difficult child... I should not be working harder than he is. LOL I remember when he was in Kindergarten, getting him to the bus was always a struggle and a fight and then i would have to drive him to school.... and I realized exactly this principal... so I calmed down and told him I would be charging him $2 for taxi service and then I stepped back. I have no idea what he had to do for the $2 but he started making the bus with no problem. </p><p></p><p>Yes I have stayed up worrying and looking at treatment options.... trying to find out whats out there when he actually asked me too and was not in a situation where he could do it. Yes I do want to find out his options when he is ready but it has to be when he is ready and he has to make the calls. I am not doing it for him or pushing him into it.</p><p></p><p>However I don't know how to stop the worry. I am definitely more worried about him than he is about himself. Part of that is the wisdom of experience and part of that is he is not here, I don't see him in person, he doesn't share much and so I just don't really know how he is doing. And I have to keep finding ways to keep the worry at bay or at least not let it interfere and take over my life. The worry has taken over my life before and I am overall doing a fairly good job of not letting that happen anymore.... but coming to this board is one way I do that.</p><p></p><p>I have really appreciated your stories about being a difficult child and some of your struggles and diagnoses. They have helped in the past and I really hope you are right that are difficult children will live through this and come back to us. That is my hope. However the reality of drug addiction, especially when you get to the point of being addicted to opiates is that people do overdose and die. I have known 3 families who have lost young adults to heroin addiction. It is a serious risk that cannot be ignored. So I think the drug addiction adds a whole other level of risk to gfgdom......so my hope is that my son survives long enough for his frontal lobe to develop.... and that his drug use doesn't fry his brain so much that it still can develop. That is where my worry comes from and my internal need to find him options.</p><p></p><p>Today i got a call from one of the better places he has been at looking for him. I told them to call his cell. Then I got a call from the insurance co looking for him. I called to tell him that. Sounds like he is planning on going to this place for detox on Sat or Sunday..... he said the other place did not detox him. I think the message to me is that he is using again, plans to party for a couple of days and then go back to detox. I mentioned that he should call the other program i found.... but left it at that. Meanwhile he was driving someones car so I think there is a new girl in the picture..... but who knows. I know there is nothing else i can do and I just hope when and if he goes into detox that he lets us know so I can have some good restful nights.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 527530"] Janet, thanks for clarifying your point of view. It was clearer to me this time anyways. I agree with you in principal and have followed that principal often with my difficult child... I should not be working harder than he is. LOL I remember when he was in Kindergarten, getting him to the bus was always a struggle and a fight and then i would have to drive him to school.... and I realized exactly this principal... so I calmed down and told him I would be charging him $2 for taxi service and then I stepped back. I have no idea what he had to do for the $2 but he started making the bus with no problem. Yes I have stayed up worrying and looking at treatment options.... trying to find out whats out there when he actually asked me too and was not in a situation where he could do it. Yes I do want to find out his options when he is ready but it has to be when he is ready and he has to make the calls. I am not doing it for him or pushing him into it. However I don't know how to stop the worry. I am definitely more worried about him than he is about himself. Part of that is the wisdom of experience and part of that is he is not here, I don't see him in person, he doesn't share much and so I just don't really know how he is doing. And I have to keep finding ways to keep the worry at bay or at least not let it interfere and take over my life. The worry has taken over my life before and I am overall doing a fairly good job of not letting that happen anymore.... but coming to this board is one way I do that. I have really appreciated your stories about being a difficult child and some of your struggles and diagnoses. They have helped in the past and I really hope you are right that are difficult children will live through this and come back to us. That is my hope. However the reality of drug addiction, especially when you get to the point of being addicted to opiates is that people do overdose and die. I have known 3 families who have lost young adults to heroin addiction. It is a serious risk that cannot be ignored. So I think the drug addiction adds a whole other level of risk to gfgdom......so my hope is that my son survives long enough for his frontal lobe to develop.... and that his drug use doesn't fry his brain so much that it still can develop. That is where my worry comes from and my internal need to find him options. Today i got a call from one of the better places he has been at looking for him. I told them to call his cell. Then I got a call from the insurance co looking for him. I called to tell him that. Sounds like he is planning on going to this place for detox on Sat or Sunday..... he said the other place did not detox him. I think the message to me is that he is using again, plans to party for a couple of days and then go back to detox. I mentioned that he should call the other program i found.... but left it at that. Meanwhile he was driving someones car so I think there is a new girl in the picture..... but who knows. I know there is nothing else i can do and I just hope when and if he goes into detox that he lets us know so I can have some good restful nights. TL [/QUOTE]
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