i've had it with this kid truly

[Jena]

i really have had it. i just called husband who i also wanna scream at for help. he's the only person that gets her as i do.

today...... she played games with-breakfast, lunch, yet ate very slowly and didnt' complete. than at dinner she did a total shut down on me in the middle of the dining room. it was def. attention seeking ****.

iv'e had it i really have. i have reached my breaking point. i'm at a loss across the page. she is one messed up kid and it kills me how hard i've tried for years to make her better yet she never gets better.

so husband and i decided tmrw i take her for her mri in the a.m. and than straight to dtu unit. she'll curse me, kick and scream, god only knows because thats' what she did today when i told her i dont' think we should go back yet. i am not telling her im bringing her. i'll call them to drag her out of car if i have to.

than we figured if we tell her you eat all your meals today without fighting we'll go home, if you do not than we stay. to judge whether or not this is behavioral. you just never know with her.

if we wind up having to stay longer i'm going home alone i'll call pyscho ex up to fill in adn i'm heading back home for 3 days to get some sanity if possible there.

it's unreal to me what she's put me thru for 8 mos. it's unreal to me how she's done this 2 other times starts to eat than after a week shuts down. says behavioral kinda weird junk like mom you aren't looking look i'm eating, i'm not eating. it truly is a mix of as the doctor's said all her other mental illness now compiled with this new one and her neediness of me.

i'm freaking out someone calm me. im serious. i walked out of dining room jumped in car in rain to light up a cig. with her running behind me. and yes i took her with me.

she's so mean to me i have to fight her to get up fight her to go to sleep fight thru the day with her. and than inbetween she's sweet as pie. i just wannna get far far away from her right now.

 

[HaoZi]

Have they already started weaning her off the Zyprexa? If so, I'd say go back to a dose that was working.

 

[Jena]

no ofcourse not. i increased it to 9 mg. even though doctor told me stay at 7.5 they just dont' get her.

 

[Jena]

is that a good idea do you think? to ween out what this behavior is if it's true fear still there or just her other mental issues kicking up? husband actually thought of it. he also said its important to show her your in charge not her. haozi she's done this twice already. she eats for a week after first hospitalization than shut down. than ate another week long (not like she did eat her last week with ease) and than after refeeding therapist went on vacation she shut down again which lead us here. it's like any slight change in treatment and boom she shuts down again

 

[HaoZi]

Dang, so much for horses. Tell 'em to look for zebras.

 

[HaoZi]

it's like any slight change in treatment and boom she shuts down again

That's pretty Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), isn't it?

 

[Jena]

i got my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) guy lined up back home now. yet do i do that tmrw? i just feel like how do i get on a plane with her when she isnt eating again, what was the point of 5k we laid out, me being away from home, my husband and i at total odds thank god he answered phone and finally helped me out with this one. it just seems like we did all this for nothing.

 

[HaoZi]

Well, you have her medically stable and a nice long paper trail of what doesn't work to shove in the next doctor's face if they try going a route you already know won't work. And... ummm... you didn't have to walk the dogs. I don't know, kinda at a loss myself.

 

[Jena]

i know. i appreciate you responding. i know no one wants to touch this thread because we've all run the gammet with this. i think your right though, her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is kicking up. so the anxiety goes down, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) kicks up. she thinks about throat the anxiety may be lowered somewhat yet it gets stuck on throat due to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

i dont know what im even saying anymore. i'm just so afraid to take her home not eating ya know. i mean we dont really have money getting her here the money down ex h not helping it was def a stretch for us.

 

[HaoZi]

She continues it tomorrow, ask the hospital to place the feeding tube back in and re-admit her?

 

[Marguerite]

i know no one wants to touch this thread because we've all run the gammet with this.

Oy! Says who? This thread has been going less than an hour, I only just found it. Give us a chance, Jena!

it does sound like she's in a bad pattern. I don't think this is entirely anxiety. I agree with you, a lot of this is also attention-seeking. If she starts eating again, she gets really good attention, until people turn away in relief thinking it's all over. And she can't be having with that, so it's back on with the "let's shut down again" routine.

What to do? I really don't know, because this is so far out of my area. I find it interesting that you increased the Zyprexa, but this is still happening - so I don't think the Zyprexa dose is as much of an issue perhaps as was thought. In other words - it LOOKS like anxiety, and it may have been anxiety to begin with, but I don't think it is any more. As you have said - she is not the typical kid in this, and they are not handing the other stuff. Which means - they're only wallpapering over the cracks in the wall.

Marg

 

[nvts]

Jena! You have to keep reminding yourself that she's not entirely in control of herself or her behaviors right now. Has there ever been a recommendation that she do a long term stay with an eating disorders Residential Treatment Center (RTC) type of thing or long term hospitalization? The only reason that I ask is that one of difficult child 1's issues is his dependency on me. Almost all of his behaviors come down to "attention seeking...FROM ME!" Once he's got it, the behavior settles down and he starts "cooperating".

Yes. Her behavior is abnormal. Yes, she's looking for your attention. Yes, she's overly attached to you. Yes, she's got to break this "umbilical cord" that she's created post-utero. Yes, she's not going to do this with you coaxing every bite into her mouth. Yes, YOU NEED A BREAK FROM THIS TOO!!!.

Truthfully, maybe it's time for them (the staff/docs/nurses) to be the party making all medication decisions and working the food issues with her. Money is tight - you might want to settle in at the hotel for two or three days and let her THINK that you went home for a few days. Why pay airfare? Go site seeing. Take in a movie. Enjoy a book. Discuss your plans with the staff and let them know that you're concerned that she's overly attached. These are highly trained and skilled people. But if she sees you disagreeing, fighting with, or superceding the decisions of the docs/staff, she's not going to learn to trust them.

Take a break...please - you shouldn't be deteriorating because shes putting you through the wringer. Remember that in order to properly handle ALL of the mental issues, you'll most likely end up with a cocktail of medications anyway.

Big, warm and sincere big hugs to you...you need 'em!

Beth

 

[HaoZi]

I think Jena means the situation overall, not this thread in particular. And her difficult child is staying at the RMH with her, so unless she's admitted back to the hospital Jena can't pretend she went home for a few days.

 

[Jena]

thanks guys Marg sorry. i'm a witch and openly admit it. i think her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is also not being treated properly, both are colliding than mix in the BiPolar (BP) with the rages the mood switches etc. i look at it in my mind as anxiety is the basis, than we have the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that locks down the thought process (illogical fear), throw in a sprinkling of BiPolar (BP) and her neediness for me due to all her mental issues and the lack of control over her brain.

residential, princeton said yet princeton knew nothing. nothing. i can't do that to her. i just can't. i also left her in the last hospitalization and it was a horror she was doped up, injections with guards standing over her, and she totally fell into a very deep depression wouldnt' even drink water. if they didnt' discharge her she would of just expired. they knew that so they let her go to me the morons without putting a feeding tube in. a kid admitted at hundred and something pounds down to eight something who was 5 5. so sick.

this program doesn't let the parent leave. they also only deal with the eating. so i'm not holding reigns this time i'm following what their protocol is to a tee. she's at the ronald mcdonald house with me. i hate it lol. i have to sit in my car at 5 a.m. to get alone time before she gets up it sux.

i do believe it's also attention seeking. do i call her bluff and just say screw it take her back to new york take that chance? she's up to 10 mg. zyprexa as of tonight with-o docs knowledge. their just medical doctor's they know not of a difficult child. than give it zero attention again? than throw in the positives give her attention for that junk? hope and pray it works. i just dont' know anymore. we tried ignoring her before we came here and look what happened.

 

[Jena]

my heart just literally hurts right now.

 

[HaoZi]

*HUGS* hon.

 

[smallworld]

Hi Jen, sorry you don't know what to do. When I'm stuck, I do searches for clinical info at http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/.

I found this article for you:
http://www.lib.okayama-u.ac.jp/www/acta/pdf/61_5_261.pdf
Although it doesn't fit your situation precisely, I thought you might find some helpful info in it.

Good luck.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Sorry, Jena, I don't know how to contribute to any of this, other than to say "I'm sorry that you are being tormented by your ill child, as well as by the mental health system". I don't have the experience with the medications and the food phobia. I've been reading all your posts and feel pretty much useless because I wish I knew how to help, but am totally in unknown territory. I just want you to know that I've been pulling for you and for her. I think about you daily, I worry, I get hopeful, then disappointed. I am amazed at your resilience, you are on a wild ride.

 

[ThreeShadows]

I forgot to say that I don't think you are a witch.

 

[donna723]

I know that I'm not nearly as knowledgeable as most of your are on these things but I can't help thinking that so much of this sounds like a conscious decision on her part to me. Certainly not saying that it all is because she obviously has a lot of issues, but maybe some part of it is. She is extremely dependent on you, she wants your undivided attention at all times, she resents your new husband and is not at all happy that you have remarried. By not eating and having you constantly worried about her, she now has your complete attention. And in going to this out of state hospital, she now has you completely to herself, one on one! No stepdad, no sister, no pets, no school, no housework to occupy you, just you completely fixated on her every move. And the stepdad is now out of the picture, at least temporarily as long as she's there. So she starts eating again and all is going well, then when there is talk of going home, she shuts down again? Do phobias really work that way? And as young as she is, maybe she really doesn't realize the damage that the malnutrition is doing to her body. Kids all seem to think they are "bulletproof" anyway and maybe she really has no concept of how much she is endangering her health. After all, you are there and you wouldn't let anything really bad happen to her, so she's going back and forth! And I can't help but think too ... I've always heard that people with anorexia are attempting to exert some measure of control in their lives, even if it's just over what food they will allow themselves to consume. But with your daughter, she is completely controlling YOU by eating or not eating.

Maybe I'm completely off the beam here. I'm just stating how it appears to an outsider, and I certainly don't mean it as any kind of criticism of you. You've certainly handled it a lot better than I would have! My heart just breaks for you and I honestly don't know how you've managed to hold it together through all of this. (((Hugs))) to you.