I
Izzy
Guest
Over 10 years ago I wandered into this forum as Isabel - a terrified, sad and desperate mom seeking help, support, answers for her 5 year old son. Fran, Star, DammitJanet (who was Coreysmom back then and had recently thrown her dishes out of the kitchen window - Janet, it's just weird how many times over the years I have thought about that post and smiled), Suz, Kris, BLB, slsh, - so many were already part of my life before I ever formally introduced myself because I lurked...for a while. And you, along with so many more, became my lifeline through all of difficult child's phases, hospitalizations, the never ending medication-tweaks and mounting dxes and finally, the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placements.
I drifted away a couple of years ago from the board shortly before difficult child was discharged from his second Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That was almost 3 years ago. It's hard to believe it's been that long.
With an initially bumpy start after release, he evened out and for the most part, he's stable and with the exception of those periods in which he is plagued by the unavoidable (so they tell me) and loathsome (so I tell you) teenageritis, he's kinda nice to have around.
The old rage does flare up on occasion and recently some of those "occasions" got him an in-school suspension, an after-school center suspension, the loss of all electonics for a month and the first increase in medication in three years in just one little short week.
But what is important, what my focus is now is that...now...he smiles more than he frowns. He laughs, he makes up his bed, he has friends, he has chores that he does without complaint (most of the time), he plays chess, he still tells me he loves me everyday, he puts his arm around me when I stub my toe, he still plays with his toy swords, he found my my high school ring and put it on a chain and wears it around his neck, he uses words like "segue" and "intriguing" in everyday conversation, he stands up for the underdog, he's going to a 3 week long wilderness camp this summer for the 3rd year in a row, he takes a shower without a fight, he would read a book a day if there were enough hours, he shows genuine kindness and love to his grandparents, he plays with and walks his dogs, he gives advice (good) to other kid, he is interested in and can speak to world affairs, he plays raquetball with his dad....
The delusions have stopped. We've only been close to hospitalization - truely close -- only once and that was over two years ago. The physical aggression - the hitting - is no more but we are still working on bouts of attempts of verbal intimidation. We are still working on hitting doors, walls, etc, but he's also learned the handy skill of drywalling and patching.
He doesn't remember very much of the worst - or he has blocked it. Either way, I'm grateful for that, too.
There are days - no, there are weeks - that his disorders and all they brought to his life and ours do not dominant my thoughts. To be honest...some days, they do not enter my thoughts.
I wish that I could put my finger on a definitive reason, some formula that we accidently stumbled upon, that could explain my son and his transformation. But he's always been somewhat of an enigma. husband and I know and accept that he could relapse, could refuse his medications, regress, and we'll deal with it. But the right now is farther along than, in our dim and darkest days, we feared we would never be and it is a wonderful place to be.
I really didn't mean to write a novel, lol. I wanted to connect with the people who stood beside me for so long and many, many times held me up. I think about you so often, you all have places in my heart.
It's never "over" or "fixed" and it just is what it is when you have a difficult child. But for those who are struggling and it seems never-ending, please remember that as long as there is breath, there is hope. This board embodies "hope" for me and always will.
Izzy
I drifted away a couple of years ago from the board shortly before difficult child was discharged from his second Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That was almost 3 years ago. It's hard to believe it's been that long.
With an initially bumpy start after release, he evened out and for the most part, he's stable and with the exception of those periods in which he is plagued by the unavoidable (so they tell me) and loathsome (so I tell you) teenageritis, he's kinda nice to have around.
The old rage does flare up on occasion and recently some of those "occasions" got him an in-school suspension, an after-school center suspension, the loss of all electonics for a month and the first increase in medication in three years in just one little short week.
But what is important, what my focus is now is that...now...he smiles more than he frowns. He laughs, he makes up his bed, he has friends, he has chores that he does without complaint (most of the time), he plays chess, he still tells me he loves me everyday, he puts his arm around me when I stub my toe, he still plays with his toy swords, he found my my high school ring and put it on a chain and wears it around his neck, he uses words like "segue" and "intriguing" in everyday conversation, he stands up for the underdog, he's going to a 3 week long wilderness camp this summer for the 3rd year in a row, he takes a shower without a fight, he would read a book a day if there were enough hours, he shows genuine kindness and love to his grandparents, he plays with and walks his dogs, he gives advice (good) to other kid, he is interested in and can speak to world affairs, he plays raquetball with his dad....
The delusions have stopped. We've only been close to hospitalization - truely close -- only once and that was over two years ago. The physical aggression - the hitting - is no more but we are still working on bouts of attempts of verbal intimidation. We are still working on hitting doors, walls, etc, but he's also learned the handy skill of drywalling and patching.
He doesn't remember very much of the worst - or he has blocked it. Either way, I'm grateful for that, too.
There are days - no, there are weeks - that his disorders and all they brought to his life and ours do not dominant my thoughts. To be honest...some days, they do not enter my thoughts.
I wish that I could put my finger on a definitive reason, some formula that we accidently stumbled upon, that could explain my son and his transformation. But he's always been somewhat of an enigma. husband and I know and accept that he could relapse, could refuse his medications, regress, and we'll deal with it. But the right now is farther along than, in our dim and darkest days, we feared we would never be and it is a wonderful place to be.
I really didn't mean to write a novel, lol. I wanted to connect with the people who stood beside me for so long and many, many times held me up. I think about you so often, you all have places in my heart.
It's never "over" or "fixed" and it just is what it is when you have a difficult child. But for those who are struggling and it seems never-ending, please remember that as long as there is breath, there is hope. This board embodies "hope" for me and always will.
Izzy
