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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 656523" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have felt that I am being punished for being a Bad daughter, a Bad mother. </p><p></p><p>I get up from the bed to TRY something to make me better, my life better and I fail at that. And when I do fail, or fall, or whatever it is that happens, this becomes a new offense.</p><p></p><p>In prisons they give points for every disciplinary infraction and in this context points are not a good thing. For my repeated failure to heal, I give myself disciplinary points too, adding to to my judgment, more time served. I have joined with my jailers to condemn myself. So many of us have fallen into the pit of our childhood pain where everything is our fault and there is no one to help us. I vow from here to soothe myself when I fail (oops, fall.)</p><p></p><p>What kind of inner world is this, I ask, distraught, felled and despairing, (my real offense love and devotion) I beat myself more? So here is how I begin from here. I read this thread. I type this reply. I post. Therefore, I am, I choose to I live. The conductdisorders.com version of Descartes. A radical act to live. For now, this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 656523, member: 18958"] I have felt that I am being punished for being a Bad daughter, a Bad mother. I get up from the bed to TRY something to make me better, my life better and I fail at that. And when I do fail, or fall, or whatever it is that happens, this becomes a new offense. In prisons they give points for every disciplinary infraction and in this context points are not a good thing. For my repeated failure to heal, I give myself disciplinary points too, adding to to my judgment, more time served. I have joined with my jailers to condemn myself. So many of us have fallen into the pit of our childhood pain where everything is our fault and there is no one to help us. I vow from here to soothe myself when I fail (oops, fall.) What kind of inner world is this, I ask, distraught, felled and despairing, (my real offense love and devotion) I beat myself more? So here is how I begin from here. I read this thread. I type this reply. I post. Therefore, I am, I choose to I live. The conductdisorders.com version of Descartes. A radical act to live. For now, this. [/QUOTE]
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