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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 656803" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hmmmmm...Cedar, you are kind and maybe your mother is different than mine. I have nightmares about my mother and I'm always a little girl in those dreams and she is always screaming at me, her hair wild, her pedal pushers (which are now called carpis) showing her legs which, like our entire family's, are heavy, even though we aren't. I wake up in a sweat and scared although I don't remember details.</p><p></p><p>I believe my mother wanted the worst for me, wanted Golden Child to excel in all areas of life and secretly was sad that she left the world, at least this time around, without him having or ever having had a SO. She must have known my sister was in an unhappy marriage and that could not have made her happy either. I think she would have wanted me to be browbeaten, alone, and suffering. I know that sounds harsh, but the ending to her life showed me the logical truth...her lack of love and her contempt.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what being a bad daughter means. I tried, just like with my sister, over and over again to get along with her, but she only liked me when my world was going right. She could not handle any adversity or mental illness or sadness. And when I told her I was getting divorced her first words were, "Don't count on ME for anything." Well, duh, I knew that. I had just called to tell her. She WAS supposed to be my mother. Then later in the same conversation she asked, meekly, "Are you going to drop Golden Child?" See, I had been close to him, but I grew more and more resentful that E. was only nice to me if I was hanging out with Golden Child. And when I said, "I have other priorities now. I don't know what I'll have time to do" that was when she first started getting extraordinarily frosty (not that s he was ever warm and loving to me or my kids).</p><p></p><p>Cedar, Copa, I think we are GREAT mothers. We love and care for our kids. The conversation in the paragraph above would NEVER have happened to our kids. Maybe, because of our bad experiences with mothers, we made mistakes because we didn't know how to be a mother by example, but we still did not abuse our kids. And you know what? Even if we had been model daughters, these women were looking for flaws in us so it wouldn't have made any difference. We'd still have been labeled "black sheep."</p><p></p><p>How can you be a good daughter to a critical, hostile mother who is never happy no matter what you do unless it is EXACTLY what SHE wants. Should we have done what they wanted? Can you imagine how horrible our lives and new families would have been?</p><p></p><p>We are good mothers (I know I think I am and that my kids think so) and I don't know how I could have been a good daughter to the kind of woman I had for a mother who had a real grudge against me that started at birth. We did the best we could do with what we were dealing with.</p><p></p><p>We are survivors. I feeling very good about myself right now...setbacks regarding my FOO never last as long as they once did because I know that they don't have a clue who I am. So why should I care? You are both good people.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 656803, member: 1550"] Hmmmmm...Cedar, you are kind and maybe your mother is different than mine. I have nightmares about my mother and I'm always a little girl in those dreams and she is always screaming at me, her hair wild, her pedal pushers (which are now called carpis) showing her legs which, like our entire family's, are heavy, even though we aren't. I wake up in a sweat and scared although I don't remember details. I believe my mother wanted the worst for me, wanted Golden Child to excel in all areas of life and secretly was sad that she left the world, at least this time around, without him having or ever having had a SO. She must have known my sister was in an unhappy marriage and that could not have made her happy either. I think she would have wanted me to be browbeaten, alone, and suffering. I know that sounds harsh, but the ending to her life showed me the logical truth...her lack of love and her contempt. I don't know what being a bad daughter means. I tried, just like with my sister, over and over again to get along with her, but she only liked me when my world was going right. She could not handle any adversity or mental illness or sadness. And when I told her I was getting divorced her first words were, "Don't count on ME for anything." Well, duh, I knew that. I had just called to tell her. She WAS supposed to be my mother. Then later in the same conversation she asked, meekly, "Are you going to drop Golden Child?" See, I had been close to him, but I grew more and more resentful that E. was only nice to me if I was hanging out with Golden Child. And when I said, "I have other priorities now. I don't know what I'll have time to do" that was when she first started getting extraordinarily frosty (not that s he was ever warm and loving to me or my kids). Cedar, Copa, I think we are GREAT mothers. We love and care for our kids. The conversation in the paragraph above would NEVER have happened to our kids. Maybe, because of our bad experiences with mothers, we made mistakes because we didn't know how to be a mother by example, but we still did not abuse our kids. And you know what? Even if we had been model daughters, these women were looking for flaws in us so it wouldn't have made any difference. We'd still have been labeled "black sheep." How can you be a good daughter to a critical, hostile mother who is never happy no matter what you do unless it is EXACTLY what SHE wants. Should we have done what they wanted? Can you imagine how horrible our lives and new families would have been? We are good mothers (I know I think I am and that my kids think so) and I don't know how I could have been a good daughter to the kind of woman I had for a mother who had a real grudge against me that started at birth. We did the best we could do with what we were dealing with. We are survivors. I feeling very good about myself right now...setbacks regarding my FOO never last as long as they once did because I know that they don't have a clue who I am. So why should I care? You are both good people. [/QUOTE]
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