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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 656862" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa, in my mother's case, no, I don't think she felt guilty at all. I don't believe she thought anything was wrong with me other than I was "bad." And she only wanted to deal with good. She was horrible in emergencies and very non-nurturing, at least to me. I think she was far more worried about my brother who had Crohns Disease. She worried about HIM all the time. Now I'm not saying she had no reason to be worried. He was terribly sick. What she didn't get, once we were older, and he was doing better, was that I was sick too and struggling. She blamed me for it. She did not blame him, although perhaps he inherited from her side of the family that could have had a history of it...we don't know. My grandma DID have a bleeding peptic ulcer. She ran to my brother's side every time he was hospitalized which is normal. What is not normal is that when I had a form of early breast cancer and a mastectomy she didn't visit me once. I do think she called but I'm sure she didn't lose any sleep over it.It was almost the last time she ever called me. That was in 1996 and she lived at least another ten years.</p><p></p><p>Copa, she did not want me in her life. My mother developed a brain tumor in her late 60's and told the entire family not to tell me. She didn't want me there. She even told my dad and he kept her confidence, as he should have, but the point is, she didn't like HIM either and was horrible to him during their marriage (he was no peach, but she was ...I know see...the family dictator.</p><p></p><p>I think my mother liked my brother because he would never call her in on anything in a tough way and they pampered each other. She also had this grandiose feeling that he was absolutely brilliant...she felt this way about her brother too. As for my sister, she had a different take on our mother and she wasn't the scapegoat...I suspect, but can't prove, that it was her two girls that my mother liked the most and that. Like the dysfunctional person she was, she had a GoldenChild there too. And I heard about her during the days I called her, even though it was a useless cause.She tended to focus on her GoldenGrandchild while I yawned and paid little attention. She said almost nothing about the boy in the family except once saying she didn't feel as close to him, but that's it. Never once did she ask about MY kids and expressed disbelief and like I was lying to her when I told that I had told her many times that Bart had been in the gifted class at school and had a very high IQ. "No, you didn't tell me that!" Gaslighting (yawn).</p><p></p><p>A mother who loves you does not leave you out of her weill. Lately I am tempted to read that will just to see if she put down some nasty comment like Joan Crawford did when she disinherited Christina and Chris. "For reasons best known to her, I am leaving my daughter nothing." I found out I can pay a small fee and get a copy of the will. As I am trying to know the truth about my REAL FOO and not the fakes they were, this may help me see even her a bit more clearly.</p><p></p><p>Copa, a parent disinherits you only because of hate and contempt. It is an act that the parent knows will live with you for life because of t he abandonment. I don't believe she had much money and even if she had, I have lived my whole life without money and that really wasn't the issue and isn't now. I know my sister's money couldn't have been much as she doesn't have it anymore. At any rate, Copa, if your money did leave you something, she probably died love you.</p><p></p><p>But if your parent disowns you that is an act of disdain and hate. Bet my sibs have tried to get my dad to do the same. Hahahahaha. Good luck. And this time I'll fight bro if he tries to short me. I know the passing of our father, the only person who really loved me in the family, will be the 100% e3nd of my contact with either of my two strangers who shared the same womb and obviously nothing else.</p><p></p><p>Copa, no, I think my mother really hated me.</p><p></p><p>Copa, maybe your mother did leave you something, which Does show a degree of "I care." I hope so even if she had very little. It means she did love you. You were her daughter in her heart.</p><p></p><p>My mother is not and never really was a mother to me. I have already decided in my obit to put down my father and grandmother's names (and various fringe relatives) and leave out everyone except except for the family I made. (Morbid topic I know...lol). Unusual, but I'm unusual and I'm sure she left me out of her obit as my uncle, her brother did. I feel nothing for her except that she was mean and abusive to me and lied about me AND my father's family...but that's another story.</p><p></p><p>So the short answer is NO...lol! Knowing she is in an other place, not on earth, and probably learning many lessons and changing her opinions, as I feel we do when we pass on, makes me anxious to see what she is like now when I also pass on. But I do not miss her on earth. I have not once visited her grave. The only thing it would do to me is cause a setback and painful meltdown that would leave me blubbering and incoherent. She was a very horrible person to me (and my father) even if she treated some other people ok, which I believe she did.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 656862, member: 1550"] Copa, in my mother's case, no, I don't think she felt guilty at all. I don't believe she thought anything was wrong with me other than I was "bad." And she only wanted to deal with good. She was horrible in emergencies and very non-nurturing, at least to me. I think she was far more worried about my brother who had Crohns Disease. She worried about HIM all the time. Now I'm not saying she had no reason to be worried. He was terribly sick. What she didn't get, once we were older, and he was doing better, was that I was sick too and struggling. She blamed me for it. She did not blame him, although perhaps he inherited from her side of the family that could have had a history of it...we don't know. My grandma DID have a bleeding peptic ulcer. She ran to my brother's side every time he was hospitalized which is normal. What is not normal is that when I had a form of early breast cancer and a mastectomy she didn't visit me once. I do think she called but I'm sure she didn't lose any sleep over it.It was almost the last time she ever called me. That was in 1996 and she lived at least another ten years. Copa, she did not want me in her life. My mother developed a brain tumor in her late 60's and told the entire family not to tell me. She didn't want me there. She even told my dad and he kept her confidence, as he should have, but the point is, she didn't like HIM either and was horrible to him during their marriage (he was no peach, but she was ...I know see...the family dictator. I think my mother liked my brother because he would never call her in on anything in a tough way and they pampered each other. She also had this grandiose feeling that he was absolutely brilliant...she felt this way about her brother too. As for my sister, she had a different take on our mother and she wasn't the scapegoat...I suspect, but can't prove, that it was her two girls that my mother liked the most and that. Like the dysfunctional person she was, she had a GoldenChild there too. And I heard about her during the days I called her, even though it was a useless cause.She tended to focus on her GoldenGrandchild while I yawned and paid little attention. She said almost nothing about the boy in the family except once saying she didn't feel as close to him, but that's it. Never once did she ask about MY kids and expressed disbelief and like I was lying to her when I told that I had told her many times that Bart had been in the gifted class at school and had a very high IQ. "No, you didn't tell me that!" Gaslighting (yawn). A mother who loves you does not leave you out of her weill. Lately I am tempted to read that will just to see if she put down some nasty comment like Joan Crawford did when she disinherited Christina and Chris. "For reasons best known to her, I am leaving my daughter nothing." I found out I can pay a small fee and get a copy of the will. As I am trying to know the truth about my REAL FOO and not the fakes they were, this may help me see even her a bit more clearly. Copa, a parent disinherits you only because of hate and contempt. It is an act that the parent knows will live with you for life because of t he abandonment. I don't believe she had much money and even if she had, I have lived my whole life without money and that really wasn't the issue and isn't now. I know my sister's money couldn't have been much as she doesn't have it anymore. At any rate, Copa, if your money did leave you something, she probably died love you. But if your parent disowns you that is an act of disdain and hate. Bet my sibs have tried to get my dad to do the same. Hahahahaha. Good luck. And this time I'll fight bro if he tries to short me. I know the passing of our father, the only person who really loved me in the family, will be the 100% e3nd of my contact with either of my two strangers who shared the same womb and obviously nothing else. Copa, no, I think my mother really hated me. Copa, maybe your mother did leave you something, which Does show a degree of "I care." I hope so even if she had very little. It means she did love you. You were her daughter in her heart. My mother is not and never really was a mother to me. I have already decided in my obit to put down my father and grandmother's names (and various fringe relatives) and leave out everyone except except for the family I made. (Morbid topic I know...lol). Unusual, but I'm unusual and I'm sure she left me out of her obit as my uncle, her brother did. I feel nothing for her except that she was mean and abusive to me and lied about me AND my father's family...but that's another story. So the short answer is NO...lol! Knowing she is in an other place, not on earth, and probably learning many lessons and changing her opinions, as I feel we do when we pass on, makes me anxious to see what she is like now when I also pass on. But I do not miss her on earth. I have not once visited her grave. The only thing it would do to me is cause a setback and painful meltdown that would leave me blubbering and incoherent. She was a very horrible person to me (and my father) even if she treated some other people ok, which I believe she did. [/QUOTE]
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