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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 656939" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Over the past few days, when I have been posting and posting on the Watercooler thread but not actually posting it, I have come to see that my father was afraid of my mother. She hurt him, demasculated him, tortured and taunted and destroyed his strength, too.</p><p></p><p>NO. You had a right, and an obligation, to be there with your seriously ill mother.</p><p></p><p>Another game, SWOT. Another really mean thing your mother did to you, to your father, and to your family, who should have been able to come together, who should have been able to circle the wagons, who should have been able to create and to celebrate the strength and loving, the sense of identity and sincerity and decency and hope that are what a family is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>There is a circle, and it goes like this: To those "better" than us: a groveling awe. To those "beneath" us: contempt.</p><p></p><p>The circle goes nowhere. It is what it is, consuming and recycling itself, as all things having to do with hatred instead of love, instead of believing, with all our hearts, that we can do better, do.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My mother did this to my brother. I have posted about this here before, and about the punishment she enacted when he stood up to her.</p><p></p><p>Another game. Another deceitful, hurtful game.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry, SWOT. <em>This happened in my FOO, too. It is happening, to this day. My brother still sees my mother, still takes care of her house in the Winter. My sister and her family will be there, this summer. My brother and his family will not be welcome. There will be a birthday party for all the great-grandchildren on the day of the Golden Grandchild's birthday. My brother and his family will be invited to celebrate their children's (otherwise unacknowledged) birthdays then, too. Prior to my sister's recent elevation? She was the black sheep, the one whose children were nothing. So, victims are interchangeable in this game our mothers were so brilliantly talented at arranging, and winning.</em></p><p></p><p>Here is the question: If every evil mom plays the same, exact games, then how are those so hurtful games, or the self images we learned <em>and our own beloved children learned at their hands</em>...how are they true or relevant or meaningful in any way?</p><p></p><p>Our mothers were destructive people, SWOT. Not just to us. Not just to their other children. Not just to their husbands. Not just to their husband's business partners and businesses. Not just to their own mothers and fathers.</p><p></p><p>We never need take them seriously, again.</p><p></p><p>They lied.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 656939, member: 17461"] Over the past few days, when I have been posting and posting on the Watercooler thread but not actually posting it, I have come to see that my father was afraid of my mother. She hurt him, demasculated him, tortured and taunted and destroyed his strength, too. NO. You had a right, and an obligation, to be there with your seriously ill mother. Another game, SWOT. Another really mean thing your mother did to you, to your father, and to your family, who should have been able to come together, who should have been able to circle the wagons, who should have been able to create and to celebrate the strength and loving, the sense of identity and sincerity and decency and hope that are what a family is. There is a circle, and it goes like this: To those "better" than us: a groveling awe. To those "beneath" us: contempt. The circle goes nowhere. It is what it is, consuming and recycling itself, as all things having to do with hatred instead of love, instead of believing, with all our hearts, that we can do better, do. My mother did this to my brother. I have posted about this here before, and about the punishment she enacted when he stood up to her. Another game. Another deceitful, hurtful game. I am so sorry, SWOT. [I]This happened in my FOO, too. It is happening, to this day. My brother still sees my mother, still takes care of her house in the Winter. My sister and her family will be there, this summer. My brother and his family will not be welcome. There will be a birthday party for all the great-grandchildren on the day of the Golden Grandchild's birthday. My brother and his family will be invited to celebrate their children's (otherwise unacknowledged) birthdays then, too. Prior to my sister's recent elevation? She was the black sheep, the one whose children were nothing. So, victims are interchangeable in this game our mothers were so brilliantly talented at arranging, and winning.[/I] Here is the question: If every evil mom plays the same, exact games, then how are those so hurtful games, or the self images we learned [I]and our own beloved children learned at their hands[/I]...how are they true or relevant or meaningful in any way? Our mothers were destructive people, SWOT. Not just to us. Not just to their other children. Not just to their husbands. Not just to their husband's business partners and businesses. Not just to their own mothers and fathers. We never need take them seriously, again. They lied. [/QUOTE]
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