Jamie and family here....and of course, always drama...lol

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Susie...the rule is that no one is supposed to use drugs in his house unless prescribed for them. However, the basement is rented out to Richie and what I just learned...previously Butch, the stepfather. Butch was kicked out when Jamie caught him smoking crack down in the basement. Evidently I was wrong, Butch was never a pot smoker, he just did pills and drank. Oops, my bad.

Now we all know Richie smokes it down in the basement whenever he wants but tries to hide it from Jamie. Billie wont say anything to him which leaves Jamie in a predicament because they have to be on the same page. She wont kick him out.

She pressed the whole topic of pot here with us because she knows its a hot topic with me and thought it was going to get a big reaction on my part and have me going off and getting mad at Cory and starting some sort of big fight on her part. Im gonna be honest here and tell you that Tony smokes it from time to time recreationally and I do have my problems with it. It has probably been our biggest challenge in our relationship. She thought she could use that to get me to go off. Sorry...not happening. Im not letting someone use something personal in my life to get me riled up. Thats not right. Especially when I just could feel she was doing it to manipulate the situation. If what she was saying happened, she would have been out of that house in a hot minute and over to my house. She had a car. Why stay in a house and complain about something going on for 6 hours? Because it didnt happen.
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
Janet, I've seen people like her before. And I hate to admit it but it's usually women who do it. And they get away with their outrageous behavior by bullying and making threats that usually end up with the phrase, " ... and you'll never see these children again!!!" It's a form of verbal abuse and after a while the spouse is so worn down by it that they pretty much believe that she can really do that. So the way they see it is that their only two choices are to either put up with her horrible behavior or risk losing their children! Nobody wants to go through a bitter drawn out child custody fight with a hostile, manipulative spouse!
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
And you just described my mother Donna. She flat told my dad that I was hers and she would do what she wanted to with me and he couldnt say a thing. He wanted to divorce her in the mid to late 60's and take me but back then, custody just wasnt given to fathers unless it was something horrendous that you could really prove and my case just wasnt that way.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
If I were Jamie, I'd write on a piece of paper -

MERRY CHRISTMAS #1 present - YOU GET A DIVORCE *&^%%# - I'm taking the kids and getting a transfer in my job and going home to NC.

Then wrap it up and put it under the tree and Christmas morning I'd be friggin' gone.

--Seriously - "Cory get me a drink?"
...."Sure hon how about some Jim Jones koolaid?"

Can anyone else see into the future and see divorce in this at all?
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
You have my sympathy but I strongly suggest that you not write a letter or try to encourage Jamie to abandon ship. He loves children. He is married to a bad egg. My son loves children He is married to a bad egg.
I wrote a letter many years ago (avoiding all accusatory statements) saying that the family missed sharing happy holidays with "them" and that I hoped I was not triggering discontent or strife. My son, the one who has always been the closest to me, allowed his wife to take the stand that we "didn't like her" and "made her uncomfortable" etc Then she got pregnant again pronto. No way my son would abandon his children. NO way!

We went four years without any contact as "our punishment". It was so sad because it severed the depth of the bond we shared. If Jamie feels he has to choose...he will choose his kids because he knows they are only safe when he is part of their daily lives. Sorry. DDD
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
DDD..I know that. I would not write a letter. I just know that one day, something is going to happen. She is going to say something to someone, I am going to be in a bad mood, my medications are going to be fluctuating, Im going to just be going through menopause...something...and the fits gonna hit the shan. I have walked away so many times. Bit my tongue. Gone in my room. Called someone. Come here and vented. Many times she has followed me and tried to get me to say she is right and everyone else is wrong. I just turn away and go to the bathroom or something. Anything to avoid a confrontation I dont want to have.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
She has been this way ever since I have known her and even her mother told me that she told Jamie that he was going to have to stand up to her and threaten to just leave her when she was pregnant with Hailie because she kept throwing his clothes out of the house when he was still in the Marines when he would be on duty and had to be gone for long stretches at a time. She thought he could tell the Marines when he would work and when he couldnt...lol. She would get mad at him!
 

GoingNorth

Crazy Cat Lady
Janet. This just amazes me. I had a hard time getting used to husband's being in the Army and that with my mother's counsel on being an Army wife.

I NEVER thought I had any control over deployments, field exercises, etc. Sure, I beefed to husband about it a few times, but not from the standpoint of threatening to leave him. More from the standpoint of, "You're leaving again? You just got home!"

in my opinion, Jamie needs to lose this (don't want to slur female dogs) as soon as he is able. It'll be a horribly ugly divorce, but there is no way for them to go on that I can see. I'm especially disturbed about them fighting in front of others.

husband and I had a good marriage, but like any other couple, we had disagreements. We talked them out later, after we'd left friends or family, or after they'd left.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
My wish, because there are kids involved now, is that she would decide to get therapy or psychiatric care and they could work into having a harmonious relationship. If that happened, I would happily let the past go and let it be water under the bridge. Problem is she is 3 years older than Jamie and treats him as if he is her child. She doesnt work but acts like everything is hers...lol. OMG...if I told Tony what to do with the money that he earns...all of you would hear the fireworks. We talk about it together and always have.

Ya know...One would think Tony and I would have been the couple who would have had all the problems, all the horrible arguments, been off and on through the years, not able to make it because we moved in together the very first day we met. We never dated at all. We met and I moved in that same evening. We have never lived apart since that night. 26 and a half years later here we are. Not that its been easy but we have never broken up. And we arent even married...lol. We could walk with no looking back. Maybe we are the sane ones!
 

Lothlorien

Active Member
Okay, if it's not ppd, maybe severe pmdd? Unfortunately, she'd probably get seriously offended if you suggested she need help.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Oh yea...lol. One of her "best friends", a girl who actually was Jamies first wife's friend and is married to Jamie's best friend, asked me once in confidence if I thought Billie could be bipolar. I just feigned ignorance and said...oh...well...I dont know, maybe! This girl doesnt know about me. She is like 23 or so years old but she told me she has seen so many of Billies mood swings and tantrums that if it wasnt for her loving Jamie so much she just wouldnt be her friend. Sigh.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Now, in almost ALL states, custody is 50-50 or shared parenting with a 50-50 schedule. If you divorced more than 5 years ago there was some variation in this, but most all states have made it so you must prove extreme child abuse or being an unfit parent to have custody given to only one parent.

Billie MIGHT be able to use the CPS thing against Jamie, but ONLY until the report is written to clear him. Once he has that document (try to get a copy of it to keep for when the divorce happens, if it happens) all his lawyer will need to do is file it with the court. IF he has a good lawyer.

If Billie would get therapy things would be different. Until she hits bottom she will not get therapy. Jamie might be able to use her refusal to kick the pot smoker out of the house as grounds. The pot is endangering his child in some jurisdictions. But not in all.

Janet, I know a LOT of guys who smoke pot occasionally. One of our favorite families has about always had pot around, since the 60s. Lately, with grandkids, they don't want the kids to make the choice until they are adults, so the parents don't smoke around them.

Anymore, with heart attacks and cancer they don't smoke a whole lot. Even when they did they were still one of the smartest families (the dad was asked to head the National Chess group, that does the tournaments - he is THAT kind of smart.) that I have even had the joy to know.

Pot smoking does not make you a bad person. It is illegal though, and you have to be aware of that risk and make some decent choices. It is what it is, in my opinion.

Billie is the kind of woman that gives us all a bad name. Sadly, there is so much mental illness that causes this, and the chances that she will get help are pretty much zero.

Jamie thinks that as long as he is there the kids are safer. If he won't stand up to her then they are not. They are still at risk with him living there. To have the best possible chances he needs to meet with an attorney to figure out what the courts would consider proof that she is unfit. The child dropping the baby because mom would not care for the baby? How do you prove it? Jamie needs to start gathering ammo because SHE may decide to walk if someone who will fight her less or who makes more $$ comes into the picture.

I am sorry he has created such a rough home life for himself. I hope he does not just give in to her, that he stands and fights for his children and himself to have a better life.

At some point he may have to Baker Act her as a danger to him or the kdis with her temper.
 
Top