Janna, thinking about you and your visit with difficult child 2

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by PiperThree, Jan 13, 2007.

  1. PiperThree

    PiperThree New Member

    hey - just hoping that things went smoothly.

    Let us know how you are doing when you can.

  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm wondering as well... :smile:
  3. hlrc102

    hlrc102 New Member

    Me three Janna,

    Was checking for updates yesterday in case you had a spare moment.
    Hope all is well.

  4. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Thanks for asking you guys. No spare moments, he's still here. His visit goes from 10 AM Saturday to 4 PM today (Sunday) every other weekend.

    The foster mother dropped him off at the 7-11 (convenience store) with a baby in the back seat and difficult child 2. She didn't bother to get out of her van, make any attempts to say hello, nothing. Dropped him off and ran.

    When he got into the car it was very silent for a while. He said something about I forget what, and I said "no, I wouldn't know that seeing as how you haven't called me in five weeks". I know that's a lame cheap shot, but he deserves to hear about it. He has no comments at all - just said she (the caseworker) said I'd call. Well, that's kinda hard to do when I have no clue where you live!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Basically, he's moved in with a foster mother that is, well, just what he wanted. He can do whatever he wants. He's working at McDonalds. She's going to let him buy her daughters car. He doesn't seem to have any restrictions whatsoever. In a week and a half of school, he's gotten an in school AND an out of school detention, and well, no real consequences for it. He's living the life he wants, doing whatever he wants, and he's happy with that.

    There's no rope. No leash. No anything. What is going to happen when it comes back to bite them? I don't care, it's not my problem anymore.

    His visit has been civil, but stressful, because we have to watch his every move. He had two of Dylan's GameBoy games in his bag and luckily Dylan caught them , and got them. I had to take the mouse/keyboard to bed with me, I don't want him on the internet. SO took his smokes, I took my purse, and anything else we didn't want him having his hands on, to bed.

    He's being good behaviorally, which is great. No issues with the other boys, which is always my biggest concern. At this point, I feel like a babysitter, not a mother. He comes here every other weekend to get away from it all. We are not working on reunification. We are not working on any goals. Everyone has shut me out. He can come here, hang out, and go back to his oh-so-free life of doing whatever he wants. I can complain until my teeth fall out of my mouth. Nobody is going to listen. HE'S DOING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif


    Thanks for asking, ladies. He goes back at 4 today, and honestly, I'm kinda glad.

  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    That sounds so stressful. I wish things were better.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    There comes a time when acceptance comes into play. difficult child 2 is in a space that you cannot enter. His choices have come back to haunt him - I pray that he is thinking over some of this & trying to find a way to get out of the deep hole he has dug for himself.

    Is there anyway you can give him just a little slack? Our difficult children are in such a negative mode that we need to offer them some positive - some hope.

    I'm not being critical - please know that. I'm looking for a way for a mending of fences that is healing on both sides.

    I wish you had a set of foster parents that would work with you & co-parent rather than put up a brick wall. We're so blessed to be working with the foster parents who are caring for wm. We are a team & present a united front to the boy. It's working.

    Prayers for you, my friend.
  7. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I feel your pain!
    I know how frustrated you are, but it is like you said it is not your problem right now.
    When difficult children are given freedom they do seem to do so good! trust me, it will come full circle.
    My difficult child was not in foster care, but he had so many moms fooled that he was abused\neglected at home that they opened their homes to him.
    All I heard was what a great kid he was, then he would slip up and act like he did at home, and they always made him leave.
    Slowly, everyone has seen the true difficult child he is.

    I hope you guys can just deal with his visits home and it doesn't upset your household too much.
    I know how it feels to lock up everything when you go to bed, IT ANGERS YOU to have to do this to keep your difficult child from stealing.
    I come home each day expecting something to be missing, It s***s checking everything in your house that is worth anything to make sure he hasn't broken in and taken it everytime we come home! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    No advice Janna just support for another mom in a tough situation. -RM
  9. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

  10. PiperThree

    PiperThree New Member

    Oh Janna, here's hoping 4 pm comes quickly with no more issues.