Jealousy and the difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MommaK, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    So the husband and I spent time talking this evening. One thing I said to him is that I feel like he and the daughter compete and fight over my time and attention. The daughter is very clingy to me and the husband while not quite so clingy still requires a lot of time. Daughter doesn't just get upset when someone other than her gets my time, she gets downright dang mad. Anyway, he saw it first hand tonight shortly after I called his attention to it. After she tried to cause a fight over my time and attention I collapsed emotionally and sobbed. Daughter says she feels like no one but me loves her, and I get that. Husband has his issues and tends to not spend time with the daughter or the son. Daughter pushes him away when he tries and flat refuses to let him spend time with her. I feel like a rope in a tug of war. Does anyone else have this issue and how do you try to manage it? I do plan to talk with the therapist about it because I am at a loss.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm hoping someone else has some good answers!

    I'll send a bit of info in a private conversation.
  3. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Active Member

    Yep. SO and Candy are locked in a power struggle. It's miserable. I have no answers.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Part of this is a normal thing with Dads and Daughters. Somehow, Dads seem to "get it" that they have to let go of their sons, push them to be independent etc. But when it comes to daughters, well... THEY are the super-hero protector, and somehow it is just SOOOOO hard to get them to let go. Daughters need space to grow up in, too.
  5. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Active Member

    Insane, you have to note that SO is not Candy's actual father. My kids and I grew very close when their biological father went bonkers. The kids feel somewhat protective over me, and naturally I am over them.

    SO is very critical of Candy. He rarely says anything nice to her. She mouths off to him. Most of the time they ignore each other. About every other day there is a negative interaction between the two of them. It could be a lot worse. There's no yelling or swearing involved.

    I would like for them to actually like and care for one another, but I recognize that will probably never happen. I think the most I will ever get is détente from the two of them. It would mean so much to me if SO could find it in his heart to find a way to reach, this girl, my daughter whose own father left when she was only 9 years old. I know a girl needs a father. I don't think it's going to happen. It makes me extremely sad. Neither one can see the good in the other.
  6. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    I have no advice, really, but the situation sounds overwhelming and you sound overwhelmed. You need time for yourself.

    I don't know if this is helpful, but I have started walking in the evenings. Just me and the dog. I put some good music on, earbuds in, and leash up the dog and go. It gives me time to clear my head, and it's good for me, too. We are up to 3 miles.
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    Have you tried marriage and/or family counseling?
  8. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    The daughter is in counseling and thru that we do family sessions. Do the husband and I need individual and couples therapy? Yup, we do, but when your daughter's costs $550 a week it doesn't allow for the finances to cover what you and the husband need.
  9. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Look into community resources, K.

    Community mental health centers, local government, call 211 for local info on resources. Ask your daughter's provider for info.

    If you are religious, try churches, even if you don't attend. Who knows, they may agree to help you in a non-religious-based session if you ask.

    Any counseling sessions through your insurance?

    I have never heard of counseling that costs $550 per week. Any possibility that they will work with you and negotiate a better rate?

    NAMI could be another resource.

    I would say to go out on 'dates' with your hubby, but I think you need so much more than that.
  10. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    Have you and your SO tried counseling? His treatment of your daughter (if I am reading this correctly) would be a deal breaker for me.
  11. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    It costs so much because it is a private partial inpatient treatment center. With insurance it is $550 a week because she goes 5 days a week.without insurance it is almost $800 a day. When she starts stepping down in number of days per week the cost per day goes down.
  12. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Oh, I didn't know she was in partial in-patient.

    I wonder if they could direct you to some marriage counseling services that are free or low-cost? Maybe they know of some way to help. It would certainly help your daughter if your marriage was strong.