Jeez. Do the lies ever stop?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Tymica, Jul 14, 2014.

  1. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    difficult child is now in rehab until the end of August. He called his grandma over the weekend and told her he was given a citation at Walmart for breaking a CD(?) And had a court date on Aug 12th but he didnt tell me or his dad because he didnt want to put more stress on us. Of course grandma is not going to go behind our backs so she told me about it. Well he is still on probation on top of being in rehab so I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that he is going to be placed in Juvie until hes 18. I am not helping him out of this. I dont even know what I could do to help. He obviously wont be at that court date so hes pretty much screwed. How hard is it to just not break the law??? And I called the girlfriend to see if she could add to the story, and the story he gave her makes even less sense than the story he gave his grandma. Now Im torn between telling his juvenile officer or just keeping myself out of it. I dont have to help him, but I dont have to "rat him out" either. Good grief, I am so ready to get off this roller coaster.

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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    thank you---warm hugs. No, the lies don't ever stop as long as they are using, and even after they are in recovery for a long, long time.

    Basically, we can't believe anything that comes out of their mouths. And that is a very sad place to be with someone you love.

    I remember a counselor once telling me---when I was in marriage counseling toward the end of my marriage---she drew a pyramid on the flip chart paper and divided it into about six blocks. The long block at the base of the pyramid---one long block---was trust.

    She said: You can't have a relationship without trust.

    I will never forget that.

    She said you will have to rebuild the trust within your marriage if it is ever to work. My trust was shot. That was a sad day for me.

    thank you, if you can, let him handle it. He can handle it with the folks in rehab. He can tell them about the legal situation, and they can help him make contact with the proper people, if that is what he decides to do.

    If you can, thank you, just don't do anything. Nothing.

    Take this time, thank you, to TURN and focus on you. Turn away from this painful, sad situation, knowing that your son is in the very best possible place he can be today. There is nothing you can do to save him or fix him or convince him to stop.

    But, they can, if he is willing.

    thank you, you CAN get off the roller coaster, and you will have to learn how to do that, one day at a time. Today, do at least one nice thing for yourself. And then, buy the book, Codependent No more, if you don't have it already.

    Keep sharing here. We get it. I am so sorry for your pain today. Warm Hugs, thank you.
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It is up to him. My son continues to make unhealthy choices. He is locked up and will be there until 1 day before his 19th birthday. I can't "fix'" him. I accept that. There are no magic words that will propel him into living a decent life. I do love him and I let him know that I do. I am no longer torn apart by his choices.

    I am at this peaceful place because of the collective wisdom of the wonderful people who share their experiences on this site. Take care of YOU today. Please YOURSELF today. HUGS
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    He should talk to his counselor at rehab.... if they write a letter to the court the court will understand him not being there. My son has been in that situation and being in rehab is a good thing in their eyes.

    I dont know why it is so hard for some people, and especially difficult child, to not break the law or to not break the rules!

    It is hard with a kid who lies lies lies. You cant trust them and that is a sad state of affairs. Trust makes such a difference.

    I think a relationship with a child is so different than any other.... because honestly I would not have a relationship with anyone else who lies to me like my son does. I just would not.


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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with TL. I wouldn't do it for him but he should either have his counselor or himself contact the court and explain the situation. He needs to start taking responsibility and this is a start.