Originally, we were all going to be there to discuss. But given her adamant refusal to look at any of the places near brother in law, we decided that the discussion would be less threatening to mother in law if H was the only one present, more conversational. brother in law said he is certain that after a day or so, she will provide him some feedback and he will pass it along to me so I know what her perceptions are.
On another note, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who finds mother in law intolerable and rude. brother in law AND H both were venting to me on separate occasions about her....comments, behavior, perceptions, rudeness, etc. She calls black people negroes. Wtf is that? And she made comments about the large Jewish community surrounding brother in law's place...and still, she is elephant burping CONSTANTLY! I though brother in law was going to deck her if she told him one more time how dirty his house was (it's not at all) and she went on an on to me about his filthy blinds (not) and dirty floors (not considering there were four of us and a big dog traipsing in and out). She commented on his cooking, everything. She made comments to h about his driving, his hair, his progress on the upstairs, etc. I can only imagine what she says about me! To me, it's my parenting skills in a back handed remark, which is how she always does it with me.
We all kept taking breaks by going for a walk, taking a nap, etc. It was the only way to survive her. Lol!