Job dilemma - need advice

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JKF, May 19, 2015.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Ok so out of the blue today I was offered an incredible job opportunity. Double my current salary, health benefits and the room for rapid growth within the company. Here's my dilemma - the job is full time. My younger son is 14. I've always worked part time and have been here for him after school and during summer breaks. Sure - at this age I leave him home for a couple of hours here and there but if I take this job he would be alone for about 2.5 hours everyday after school and for 8 hours a day during the month of August when there is no school or summer camp. August is what worries me most! The job is close enough that I could come home for lunch every day in August so I could check on him but I'm worried about the whole situation in general. The job would be a god send but I just don't know how to be a full time working mom to a teenage boy. I really want to take the job and God knows it would lead to incredible opportunities that could be potentially life changing but at the same time I don't want to sacrifice the well being of my son. Any working moms out there have any advice or tips? I'd love some input. Thanks!
     
  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    How refreshing to be faced with something good :)

    Are there any summer programs that he could join? Maybe something at the YMCA? Some kind of summer camp?
    Since he's 14 he's to young to get a job but maybe there is something he could volunteer for.

    I think it would be hard to turn down a job that offers so much. Your son will only be with you a few more years. A good job is so important and can be very hard to find.

    Have you talked to your son about it? What are his thoughts about the month of August and you not being home?

    Wishing you all the best as you weigh it out.
     
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  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well, given how my kid turned out, I'm not sure I'm in any position to give advice...but, I've always worked full-time, both single and married.

    14 is old enough to be home alone, but teenage years are when they start getting into trouble, so I can see your worry. Does he have any friends who's mom's don't work? Maybe he could hang out at their houses a couple days a week? Tanya's idea of volunteering is a good one too. Even if it is only part of the day or a couple times a week, it builds character. Wish I'd have done that with mine.

    Congratulations on the job offer. That's not something that comes along every day.
     
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  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Perhaps you could find a college student to come and hang out with him. He would probably love that.
     
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    What about a day camp for August? Or if there is money for it, what about camp?

    Talk to your son and see where he as at. Maybe there is an after school sport, club, study hall, in which he can participate....Maybe he can work. An afternoon paper route...maybe? Walking dogs in the neighborhood or mowing lawns?

    Or maybe there is an after school martial arts program in the community?

    I know that some mothers have their children stay home in that hour or two before they get home...not answering the door....They kids take a nap, have snack, do homework, watch TV. An hour and a half is not much time.

    Your son is 14, not 8. And you say he has a strong personality. In my way of thinking taking the job and trusting him, and assuming he will do well, is a vote of confidence for both of you, and your relationship.

    If you don't take it because of fear for your son or worse yet, guilt...there are negative consequences there. You have permitted that your child hold you back. And your son is really not far from a man.

    From my way of thinking the better job and a happier you will translate into well-being for everybody. Talk as a family and decide together, make a plan and put it into place. And providing August is handled, I would take it in a heartbeat.
     
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    Last edited: May 19, 2015
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I always stayed home. I think parents don't really raise their kids anymore and to me fourteen is an age to start getting into trouble if nobody is there. I think eight hours alone is asking for trouble. You know your kid best. Is he responsible or not?
    But most moms work now, kids or not, so you would not be different to take a full time job. I was always more a mom than a career woman so I may not understand. But just wanted to check in with my .02 :) to me your minor children come first. There is time when they are older to get the jobs. Four years is a long growing period for a teenager. I always felt the money wasn't as important as the time u get with ur kid which goes by so fast then is gone forever. At any rate that is my old fashion opinion. I liked all the kids hanging at my house because their parents weren't home and everyone calling me mom:). Different things make different people happy.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2015
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    JKF,
    First off, congrats on the wonderful job offer; you must be worth it!

    When my son was 12, he was taking guitar lessons at a local music studio in the neighborhood that has been here since the '70's. It's run by a sole proprietor, and there are other music teachers there throughout the day. I didn't work outside of the home, but my son loved his music lessons so much, that I thought he could "volunteer" to help out at the music studio. He went there, asked the boss, and to my surprise and delight, the boss agreed. He didn't get paid, but that wasn't the point...it was where he wanted to be, it was good for him, and he learned so much. He worked regularly, started getting paid when he was a little older, and had that job throughout high school. I knew where he was, and it was a godsend while it lasted.

    Is there a situation like that with your son that you could envision in your town? These days, kids are encouraged to do community service hours. There might be something he enjoys that would serve both purposes. My nephew started as a custodian at his town pool when he was 14. He later became a lifeguard, then an assistant manager, and now he's the pool club director during the summer and he's a teacher during the school year.
     
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  8. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all of your advice! Summer camp runs through the end of July (he's a counselor in training this year) and then I'm going to look into the YMCA or volunteering programs for him for August. He's very active in Boy Scouts so I think volunteering would be great for him to do anyway. The school year itself will be no problem because my son will get home at 2:30, my husband most days will be home by 4 and I'll get home at 5. It's just the month of August that's the biggest challenge but this potential employer has made it clear that they are willing to work with me.

    I was never necessarily a "career woman" SWOT but I always worked part time while the kids were in school. I agree with the fact that kids need to be supervised which is my main concern about accepting this job. I would need to know my son is doing something safe and productive and not left to his own devices especially for one full month. The weekdays after school we can deal with. This opportunity has the potential to change all of our lives for the better. It's not just so I personally can have extra money to throw around and get a new car, or my nails done weekly (I don't do that anyway). It's so we can pay bills we are behind on and save money for our son to further his education. And perhaps there will even be a little extra leftover for all of the activities my son does. That way I won't have to scrape up every last dime and wonder where I'm going to get it from next time. And you're right when you say different things make different people happy. Financial security and preparing better for my son's future would make me a VERY happy woman! :)

    Thanks again everyone for all of the advice!!
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2015
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I have worked with other mothers to have them watch my daughter during the summers when other options aren't available. I return the favor by picking up and dropping off their kids during the school year or keeping their kids over the weekend so they can have a few nights alone. It actually works out pretty well.
     
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  10. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm obviously wrong person to answer considering I come from the country where we leave our 7 year-olds home to sleep at the morning when we leave for work, ring later to make sure they are up, have had their breakfast and are ready to leave for school (usually either walk alone or take a regular public transportation bus) and where kids from 8 years on spend 4 or 5 hours alone at home during afternoons. But really, our kids are not much worse to wear than yours when they grow up.

    My Ache was so immature that I felt ready to let him handle walking/riding bicycle to school (about a mile) and being home alone during afternoons when he was 9, but Joy had no trouble when 7. My kids have friends who moved to different cities because of the sports when they were 14 or 15 and while some lived in billet families, many were housed to partly supervised solutions (usually few kids to same flat and someone checking the flat once a week. Of course those kids were counted every morning at practises and at school, so if someone was late or missing, some adult would go and investigate.) Most did just fine, I think I know one who moved back home and one that was placed to billet family. One who moved back home was homesick and another one needed more supervision for school work and general lifestyle. Though of course parents were less likely to give their more immature kids permission to go.

    At fourteen your son may be little young to get a summer job for August, but you can come up projects and chores for him to occupy his time (and if you pay for them, he may not resent them too much.) And I'm sure he will enjoy having the house for himself for those days.
     
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "Good kid with a STRONG personality!"

    From your description of your son, I think he would be fine staying by himself during the day for a few weeks. Many of my students babysit during the summer and take care of other people's children at that age. I don't see why your son couldn't take care of himself. As long as he is not a Difficult Child, I actually think it might be good for him.

    Do you have a neighbor that you are close to? That might relieve your anxiety if you knew he would have someone to go to in case of an emergency.

    Don't forget that he will be gone in four short years and you and your husband have years of retirement ahead. Paying off bills and saving up for your retirement should be a priority for you.

    By the way . . . congratulations on the job offer!

    ~Kathy
     
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  12. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Well I took the job! I start Wednesday which also happens to be husband's 40th birthday. I keep joking and telling him that's his present lol Anyway - I'm excited. It's exactly what I was looking for. I'll be doing marketing and graphic design. The pay is amazing and the health and retirement benefits are great too. Younger son is basically covered all summer activity wise. He has school until the 18th and then begins day camp the following week. That goes until July 31. Then from August 1-8 he'll be going away to sleep away camp. He's really excited about that. Once he gets home we'll only have about 3 weeks to worry about. I have a friend who owns a tree business who wants to hire son a few days a week to help stack wood. Between that and the volunteering program I signed him up for he will be mostly covered all summer. Whew!!!

    Anyway - thanks for all the advice and well wishes! I'm excited to start a new chapter in my life!
     
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  13. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the new job. I'm sure you'll do great and it sounds like your son has many great things planned for this summer.
     
  14. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    All the best, JKF - I'm so happy for you! The job seems tailor made to your strengths. Continued success!
     
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