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Joint custody with felon pedophile
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 129948" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I work at a home for domestically abused women and kids. Most counties have one nearby. The counselor who works with sexually abused kids takes up for the family in court against the child abusers. It really doesn't sound like SO has done much to help her children over the abuse nor allowed them to talk about it in a safe, therapeutic setting. If they did continue saying he sexually abused them, the court would take it more seriously, even if they dismissed it once. I know from first hand experience. But SO has to be willing to make the effort. I'd be terrified that this man would sexually abuse the child again. Sadly, as the counselor I work with says, these kids who are abused DO love the abusive parent--FIERCELY. The sad, sick intimacy between father/daughter/son is a sad bond and the only way some kids understand love. I don't want to sound harsh--really--but the only way to keep this child safe is to fight to help her (and the whole family) and to keep her away from this man, whether or not she loves him. A new wife, a stepchild, nothing can really stop him from abusing her if he wants to and if she's afraid he won't love her if she doesn't--or if he threatens her. Kids sometimes DO block out the sexual abuse only to have it come back in their behavior and/or in flashbacks. in my opinion the only way to protect this child is to get her into counseling and have that person, hopefully a knowledgeable advocate, validate what happened in court. This man should not be around any children. It is rare that child predators can ever be cured. This is a hot button issue for me because my kids WERE abused and there is no way I'd allow them near the abuser, no matter what court decided. I'd move across the country first. However, my kids had intensive therapy and their abuser, an older child who we adopted, was found guilty of sexual assault against a minor. But if we'd just let it go and not taken the kids for serious help, he probably would have gotten off too. That would have sent a terrible message to my younger kids, whom he abused. My two kids who suffered from him are not badly behaved kids and seem happy (ages 11 and 14 now) and their counselor thinks the proactive help is the reason why. They got to see that the good guys win and that we care enough to take their side. And trust me, it was not easy to believe that a thirteen year old can be a serious child predator, nor was it easy to believe this boy, who we loved, was actually sick and dangerous and could not live with us or see us again--ever. It's painful to go through counseling, but it's dangerous to ignore sexual abuse. My guess is that difficult child is the way she is because of that abuse. While not all kids turn into difficult child's, it's very common...and very sad. JMO</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 129948, member: 1550"] I work at a home for domestically abused women and kids. Most counties have one nearby. The counselor who works with sexually abused kids takes up for the family in court against the child abusers. It really doesn't sound like SO has done much to help her children over the abuse nor allowed them to talk about it in a safe, therapeutic setting. If they did continue saying he sexually abused them, the court would take it more seriously, even if they dismissed it once. I know from first hand experience. But SO has to be willing to make the effort. I'd be terrified that this man would sexually abuse the child again. Sadly, as the counselor I work with says, these kids who are abused DO love the abusive parent--FIERCELY. The sad, sick intimacy between father/daughter/son is a sad bond and the only way some kids understand love. I don't want to sound harsh--really--but the only way to keep this child safe is to fight to help her (and the whole family) and to keep her away from this man, whether or not she loves him. A new wife, a stepchild, nothing can really stop him from abusing her if he wants to and if she's afraid he won't love her if she doesn't--or if he threatens her. Kids sometimes DO block out the sexual abuse only to have it come back in their behavior and/or in flashbacks. in my opinion the only way to protect this child is to get her into counseling and have that person, hopefully a knowledgeable advocate, validate what happened in court. This man should not be around any children. It is rare that child predators can ever be cured. This is a hot button issue for me because my kids WERE abused and there is no way I'd allow them near the abuser, no matter what court decided. I'd move across the country first. However, my kids had intensive therapy and their abuser, an older child who we adopted, was found guilty of sexual assault against a minor. But if we'd just let it go and not taken the kids for serious help, he probably would have gotten off too. That would have sent a terrible message to my younger kids, whom he abused. My two kids who suffered from him are not badly behaved kids and seem happy (ages 11 and 14 now) and their counselor thinks the proactive help is the reason why. They got to see that the good guys win and that we care enough to take their side. And trust me, it was not easy to believe that a thirteen year old can be a serious child predator, nor was it easy to believe this boy, who we loved, was actually sick and dangerous and could not live with us or see us again--ever. It's painful to go through counseling, but it's dangerous to ignore sexual abuse. My guess is that difficult child is the way she is because of that abuse. While not all kids turn into difficult child's, it's very common...and very sad. JMO [/QUOTE]
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