Jokes for Herbert the Hen

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KTMom91, Jun 13, 2008.

  1. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Why did the chicken cross the road??

    BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

    JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

    HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day One! – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

    GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

    DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

    COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken..
    What is your definition of chicken?

    AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

    JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

    AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

    DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

    OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

    ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

    PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

    MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

    DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

    JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

    GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

    ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

    BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C%..........reboot.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
     
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    OMG. That is so hysterical!! I have to pass this on to my dad.

    Abbey
     
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :rofl: :rofl: BWAH-CAAAAW!!! :rofl: :rofl:
     
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    These were really cute.
     
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK, while we're talking politics - and you probably won't get this, since it's Australian and relates to news conferences in Japan from a couple of days ago:

    Kevin Rudd (new Prime Minister of Australia): "We feel there is always room for diplomacy with the chicken to ask it to stop crossing the road in future, we are going to discuss road crossing at the table together. Only if talks fail will we take the chicken to court for crossing the road into our territory and killing worms in the Southern Worm Sanctuary."

    John Howard (former PM of Australia): "While we're not exactly thrilled that the chicken keeps crossing the road into the Southern Worm Sanctuary to hunt for worms, we feel the appropriate forum is the International Worming Commission. The chicken says he's killing worms for scientific research and not primarily to eat them. I got one of my people to telephone one of the chicken's people to let them know I wasn't very happy. But hey, they're only worms. Trade with the chicken is far more important and complex; I'm not surprised that ordinary people like Kevin Rudd don't understand this. You need a leader like me who can grasp the complexities and make these important decisions."

    Russell Crowe: Pass me that phone. Hey, I only want to telephone the chicken's people too!

    Steve Irwin: Did you get a load of that chicken! Crikey, what a beauty!

    Paul Hogan (alternatively, "Alf" [Ray Meagher] from "Home and Away"): Flamin' chicken...

    Marg
     
  6. change

    change New Member

    :bigsmile::bigsmile::bigsmile:very cute!!!
     
  7. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Thanks for the laugh!
     
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    OMG!!! Thanks for the belly laugh!!!!
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Star: There really was NO chicken. It was all a conspiracy theory and a ploy to make you watch an area of the road designated for anticipation of a chicken cross, and in the mean time your difficult child got into your purse, took your ATM card, got the code from your not so secret anymore hiding place, grabbed your spare keys, took off in your NEW Hummer, joy rided with 12 of his best new friends, ate lunch at a restaurant they could not even pronounce but because it was expensive they used your card, and then went to have icecream at Ben and Jerrys, came back 3 days later with someone's 1978 GEO and put the keys and bank card back ten told YOU he needed a ride to work. All the while WE were watching for that chicken to cross the road.
     
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