I heard one joke and was told the other. I hope they give a chuckle to start the week off with! A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. Where have you been? his wife demanded. I cant lie to you, he replied, Im having an affair with my secretary. We were together sex all afternoon. She looked down at his shoes and said: You lying idiot! Youve been playing golf! (I did remove the censored words.) A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the exhibits was breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, This bull mated 50 times last year. The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, He mated 50 times last year. T hey walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, This bull mated 120 times last year. The wife hit her husband again and said, Thats more than twice a week! You could learn from him. They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, This bull mated 365 times last year. The wife got really excited and said, Thats once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this big fella. The husband looked at her and said, Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow. The husbands condition has been upgraded from critical to stable. Anyone else have a joke to share??