Jokes I Heard

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Aug 10, 2008.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I heard one joke and was told the other. I hope they give a chuckle to start the week off with!

    A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
    One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
    Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
    The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
    He put on his shoes and drove home.
    ‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.
    ‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We were together sex all afternoon.’
    She looked down at his shoes and said:
    ‘You lying idiot! You’ve been playing golf!’

    (I did remove the censored words.)

    A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the exhibits was breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, “This bull mated 50 times last year.”

    The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”
    hey walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, “This bull mated 120 times last year.”

    The wife hit her husband again and said, “That’s more than twice a week! You could learn from him.”

    They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, “This bull mated 365 times last year.”

    The wife got really excited and said, “That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this big fella.”

    The husband looked at her and said, “Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow.”

    The husband’s condition has been upgraded from critical to stable.

    Anyone else have a joke to share??:laugh:

  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    OMG susie - ROFLMBO:tongue:
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
    A. Ruthless.

    Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
    A. German Shepherds.

    Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
    A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

    Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
    A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

    Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
    A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. (although we still believe God must ride a HD)

    Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
    A. Samson. He brought the house down.

    Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
    A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

    Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
    A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

    Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
    A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

    Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
    A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

    Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
    A Joshua, son of Nun.

    Q Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
    A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan...)

    P.S. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
    Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "He-brews"
  4. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I just slapped my head like 10 times.

  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    These are all great! Thanks for sharing:)