Methuselah
New Member
First, let me just say thank you so much for this board. I have never contributed, but I read multiple time a day for the wonderful advice but mostly to know that our family is not alone in our very sad, frustrating situation. Thank you.
I am so upset right now. I shouldn't be, because what happened is a very common occurrence when dealing with others and our two charming difficult children. Our difficult children are two girls who are unable to feel guilt, shame, remorse and empathy for the bad things they choose to do and the affects these behaviors have on others. They both steal, con, lie, charm and manipulate in scary ways. (difficult child 1 has aggression problems but they are scarily covert. She is never aggressive directly. That would be fair. :-/) They have always behaved this way. Consequences make ZERO changes in their behavior, but it does teach them not to do the behavior that way the next time. They have been diagnosed with multiple, disposable diagnosis, but the one that is sticking is conduct disorder. They are too young to diagnosis with a personality disorder, but we have been told by psychiatrists and doctors they fit comfortably in Cluster B personality disorders. difficult child 1: Borderline and Antisocial; difficult child 2: Antisocial, Histrionic/Narcissistic. They are both very normal looking and very, very charming, which helps them get away with their bad behavior. They are exhausting, because we are trying so hard to get them on the right path, but also because we must work as their conscience since they don't seem to have one themselves.
So this is what happened today: Our difficult child 2 started high school last week. We always set up an appointment with the school to let them know the girls situation, since they have victims. We feel morally obligated to do this, because they are so good at conning and stealing. We met with the VP today and the head counselor. When we told them her situation and how truly good she is at it, the VP completely dismissed what we said. Why? Basically...she saw difficult child 2 in the office yesterday talking to me on the phone with good telephone manners. Yes, you read that right. We, the people who have lived with her for TWELVE years have no idea what we are talking about, however she, who seen difficult child 2 in the halls for 7 days and watched on the phone with me, knows ALL about her. I am so tired of this. Tired, tired, tired.
I told her we did what we believe we are obligated to do. Whether she wishes to believe difficult child 2 is who she is or not, that's her choice. But I gave her a head's up: VP, your blinders to the possibility what we are saying is true is going to give difficult child 2 the opportunity to take advantage of too many innocent students at this school. But that's your choice.
Something tells me we will get another call from CPS. :-/
It is so hard to parent kids like our girls. But what makes our brain explode with great balls of frustration is how often people believe them to be normal, good kids simply because they look normal and have good manners. We tell them they work very, very hard to make sure that is the impression everyone has of them. It lets them get away with whatever shenanigans they are up to: if they are perceived as good, they can get away with their bad, because everyone is looking at the ones who look like they would do the things they are actually doing. And when they are looked at, they pull a "who me? You know I would never do that" and the accuser moves on to someone else. Happens every time.
I'm tired and can't wait until they turn 18, and we have a choice as to whether or not we want to go through this anymore. Right now, I struggle to find the joy in motherhood. I look at my two boys who drive us crazy they way truly normal teenagers drive their parents batty--the sassing, the know-it-all-itude, etc. But their hearts are good. I want them to have as normal a home life as possible, but it is so hard to do. So hard. I worry about them and how I am failing them.
Thanks for letting me vent. No one around us understands what it is like to parent kids like this.
I am so upset right now. I shouldn't be, because what happened is a very common occurrence when dealing with others and our two charming difficult children. Our difficult children are two girls who are unable to feel guilt, shame, remorse and empathy for the bad things they choose to do and the affects these behaviors have on others. They both steal, con, lie, charm and manipulate in scary ways. (difficult child 1 has aggression problems but they are scarily covert. She is never aggressive directly. That would be fair. :-/) They have always behaved this way. Consequences make ZERO changes in their behavior, but it does teach them not to do the behavior that way the next time. They have been diagnosed with multiple, disposable diagnosis, but the one that is sticking is conduct disorder. They are too young to diagnosis with a personality disorder, but we have been told by psychiatrists and doctors they fit comfortably in Cluster B personality disorders. difficult child 1: Borderline and Antisocial; difficult child 2: Antisocial, Histrionic/Narcissistic. They are both very normal looking and very, very charming, which helps them get away with their bad behavior. They are exhausting, because we are trying so hard to get them on the right path, but also because we must work as their conscience since they don't seem to have one themselves.
So this is what happened today: Our difficult child 2 started high school last week. We always set up an appointment with the school to let them know the girls situation, since they have victims. We feel morally obligated to do this, because they are so good at conning and stealing. We met with the VP today and the head counselor. When we told them her situation and how truly good she is at it, the VP completely dismissed what we said. Why? Basically...she saw difficult child 2 in the office yesterday talking to me on the phone with good telephone manners. Yes, you read that right. We, the people who have lived with her for TWELVE years have no idea what we are talking about, however she, who seen difficult child 2 in the halls for 7 days and watched on the phone with me, knows ALL about her. I am so tired of this. Tired, tired, tired.
I told her we did what we believe we are obligated to do. Whether she wishes to believe difficult child 2 is who she is or not, that's her choice. But I gave her a head's up: VP, your blinders to the possibility what we are saying is true is going to give difficult child 2 the opportunity to take advantage of too many innocent students at this school. But that's your choice.
Something tells me we will get another call from CPS. :-/
It is so hard to parent kids like our girls. But what makes our brain explode with great balls of frustration is how often people believe them to be normal, good kids simply because they look normal and have good manners. We tell them they work very, very hard to make sure that is the impression everyone has of them. It lets them get away with whatever shenanigans they are up to: if they are perceived as good, they can get away with their bad, because everyone is looking at the ones who look like they would do the things they are actually doing. And when they are looked at, they pull a "who me? You know I would never do that" and the accuser moves on to someone else. Happens every time.
I'm tired and can't wait until they turn 18, and we have a choice as to whether or not we want to go through this anymore. Right now, I struggle to find the joy in motherhood. I look at my two boys who drive us crazy they way truly normal teenagers drive their parents batty--the sassing, the know-it-all-itude, etc. But their hearts are good. I want them to have as normal a home life as possible, but it is so hard to do. So hard. I worry about them and how I am failing them.
Thanks for letting me vent. No one around us understands what it is like to parent kids like this.
Last edited:
)
