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J's difficulty with friendships
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 607834" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>In posting this, may I ask just one thing? May I ask for you not to tell me that J is on the autism spectrum? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I live with him and know him, and I and others that have known or met him, am sure that he is not. But he still has lots of difficulties!</p><p>Most of the stuff I have read about ADHD talks about the difficulty these children have with friendships and their frequent social isolation. Because J is very sociable and friendly, this is not always apparent but it is becoming more and more so. </p><p>Shortly after we moved here (to the flat we used to live in, in a neighbourhood of Marrakesh that is overwhelmingly residential, leafy, pleasant and fairly wealthy), J hooked up with a 10 year old who lives just down the road. We've been out together a few times when I've taken them to the swimming pool and he's spent quite a lot of time at our house and J at his. At least when he is with me, this kid is really nice and I like him - very easy-going, laid-back, cheerful and helpful, strikingly similar to the 9 year old J was friendly with in the village in France. He seems to laugh off a lot of J's eccentriticies and difficultness - just yesterday I was thinking I was glad J has got a friend here, even if it isn't one of his own age.</p><p>And then... predictably, probably... by the evening yesterday this kid is declaring he's not friends with J any more, won't come to the house any more, etc. It's not the first time he's said this but now it seems more serious. It all happened when they were outside playing with other kids in the square. As far as I can piece it together, J got angry over something (and there seems to be a prevailing issue over J's scooter which he is probably not sharing freely enough) and said some rude and impulsive things to this boy, who then unsurprisingly got upset. It ended with J coming crying to me at home asking me to come and speak to the friend. I did so, reluctantly (feeling he should probably be managing his friendships himself) and the boy unwillingly shook hands and went on playing with J. But it all blew up again after I left them... and this pattern is presumably just going to repeat with other kids. </p><p>Obviously this kind of thing happens with children. But it happens a lot more frequently with J, I think. He desperately needs to learn how to manage his feelings without spilling out into anger and self-destructive behaviour (that obviously also hurts the people his anger spills onto), both with children and adults. </p><p>Ideas... thoughts?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 607834, member: 11227"] In posting this, may I ask just one thing? May I ask for you not to tell me that J is on the autism spectrum? :) I live with him and know him, and I and others that have known or met him, am sure that he is not. But he still has lots of difficulties! Most of the stuff I have read about ADHD talks about the difficulty these children have with friendships and their frequent social isolation. Because J is very sociable and friendly, this is not always apparent but it is becoming more and more so. Shortly after we moved here (to the flat we used to live in, in a neighbourhood of Marrakesh that is overwhelmingly residential, leafy, pleasant and fairly wealthy), J hooked up with a 10 year old who lives just down the road. We've been out together a few times when I've taken them to the swimming pool and he's spent quite a lot of time at our house and J at his. At least when he is with me, this kid is really nice and I like him - very easy-going, laid-back, cheerful and helpful, strikingly similar to the 9 year old J was friendly with in the village in France. He seems to laugh off a lot of J's eccentriticies and difficultness - just yesterday I was thinking I was glad J has got a friend here, even if it isn't one of his own age. And then... predictably, probably... by the evening yesterday this kid is declaring he's not friends with J any more, won't come to the house any more, etc. It's not the first time he's said this but now it seems more serious. It all happened when they were outside playing with other kids in the square. As far as I can piece it together, J got angry over something (and there seems to be a prevailing issue over J's scooter which he is probably not sharing freely enough) and said some rude and impulsive things to this boy, who then unsurprisingly got upset. It ended with J coming crying to me at home asking me to come and speak to the friend. I did so, reluctantly (feeling he should probably be managing his friendships himself) and the boy unwillingly shook hands and went on playing with J. But it all blew up again after I left them... and this pattern is presumably just going to repeat with other kids. Obviously this kind of thing happens with children. But it happens a lot more frequently with J, I think. He desperately needs to learn how to manage his feelings without spilling out into anger and self-destructive behaviour (that obviously also hurts the people his anger spills onto), both with children and adults. Ideas... thoughts? [/QUOTE]
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