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J's difficulty with friendships
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<blockquote data-quote="svengandhi" data-source="post: 607854" data-attributes="member: 3493"><p>Maybe J's scooter should stay at home for the time being and be used only when he is out with you. We used to leave toys that our kids had difficulty sharing, and it wasn't all of them, just a few special ones, at home when we went to the park or put them in my room when friends visited. It eliminated a lot of issues. 10 year olds are generally ok with sharing and turn taking in ways that even non-ADHD 6 year olds aren't but because they're kids, they don't cut slack. If J doesn't want to share his scooter, but is fine using their toys, kids are going to get annoyed. </p><p></p><p>I am concerned that J doesn't have friends his own age. I know that it can be difficult for very bright kids to find age peers but they do exist. My oldest son, whose original diagnosis was ADHD, had basically one friend - the other kid who at age 7 also knew a baby swan was a cygnet and not a duckling. difficult child, who is super bright and ODD with perfectionism/anxiety issues, usually had one friend at a time up until HS. J sounds as if he is more social that my 2 older boys so it might be easier to find one good friend for him. </p><p></p><p>Are there any social skills groups where you are? Can you do the method where you act out and try to predict scenarios for practice? I know this method is often used for kids with autism, but it works for all kids. My daughter has no diagnosis'es (the boys have enough to include her and then some) but when she was younger, we used to practice things like how to order when a friend's family takes you for dinner, what to do when you're the first one to arrive at a party and the like. Even now, as she turns 22 and gets ready to head out into working life, we use this method. She wanted to student teach at a specific school so we practiced having her approach the person who does the placements and put forth her reasons. I used it with oldest boy when he first started working as a delivery driver. I practiced making eye contact, saying thank you politely even if the tip was small and the like. You and J can brainstorm some situations, like sharing the scooter, that give him trouble, and have him practice different responses. Since he's so young, maybe cutting out pictures from magazines might help, like those showing kids sharing and playing together.</p><p></p><p>Another thing might be that J has moved around so much that he doesn't really feel (subconsciously) that he has to invest so much into these kids because there will be new kids soon anyway, like an "army brat." Please note that I'm not faulting you for moving, your last situation in France sounded so horrible that it made me feel like I would never want to visit that country and it's good that you removed J from that place. </p><p></p><p>Maybe the principal at his new school can help you. When my daughter was in elementary school, they had a "circle of friends" to help kids develop friendship skills. The children who were chosen to be the friends all had issues of their own. One had serious anxiety, another was a bully, another was on the spectrum, etc. My daughter cried because she wasn't chosen but the teacher told me she wasn't the type of child they were trying to reach. The program was successful because the kids learned to accept other kids who were different and to be accepted. While the kids didn't necessarily stay friends with each other afterwards, they all developed better friendship and coping skills. One of the school counselors led the group.</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="svengandhi, post: 607854, member: 3493"] Maybe J's scooter should stay at home for the time being and be used only when he is out with you. We used to leave toys that our kids had difficulty sharing, and it wasn't all of them, just a few special ones, at home when we went to the park or put them in my room when friends visited. It eliminated a lot of issues. 10 year olds are generally ok with sharing and turn taking in ways that even non-ADHD 6 year olds aren't but because they're kids, they don't cut slack. If J doesn't want to share his scooter, but is fine using their toys, kids are going to get annoyed. I am concerned that J doesn't have friends his own age. I know that it can be difficult for very bright kids to find age peers but they do exist. My oldest son, whose original diagnosis was ADHD, had basically one friend - the other kid who at age 7 also knew a baby swan was a cygnet and not a duckling. difficult child, who is super bright and ODD with perfectionism/anxiety issues, usually had one friend at a time up until HS. J sounds as if he is more social that my 2 older boys so it might be easier to find one good friend for him. Are there any social skills groups where you are? Can you do the method where you act out and try to predict scenarios for practice? I know this method is often used for kids with autism, but it works for all kids. My daughter has no diagnosis'es (the boys have enough to include her and then some) but when she was younger, we used to practice things like how to order when a friend's family takes you for dinner, what to do when you're the first one to arrive at a party and the like. Even now, as she turns 22 and gets ready to head out into working life, we use this method. She wanted to student teach at a specific school so we practiced having her approach the person who does the placements and put forth her reasons. I used it with oldest boy when he first started working as a delivery driver. I practiced making eye contact, saying thank you politely even if the tip was small and the like. You and J can brainstorm some situations, like sharing the scooter, that give him trouble, and have him practice different responses. Since he's so young, maybe cutting out pictures from magazines might help, like those showing kids sharing and playing together. Another thing might be that J has moved around so much that he doesn't really feel (subconsciously) that he has to invest so much into these kids because there will be new kids soon anyway, like an "army brat." Please note that I'm not faulting you for moving, your last situation in France sounded so horrible that it made me feel like I would never want to visit that country and it's good that you removed J from that place. Maybe the principal at his new school can help you. When my daughter was in elementary school, they had a "circle of friends" to help kids develop friendship skills. The children who were chosen to be the friends all had issues of their own. One had serious anxiety, another was a bully, another was on the spectrum, etc. My daughter cried because she wasn't chosen but the teacher told me she wasn't the type of child they were trying to reach. The program was successful because the kids learned to accept other kids who were different and to be accepted. While the kids didn't necessarily stay friends with each other afterwards, they all developed better friendship and coping skills. One of the school counselors led the group. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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