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The Watercooler
Jumper will never have a get together at ouro house...I'm angry and hurt
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 540743"><p>Amen MWM</p><p></p><p>And -at the risk of getting flamed...not checking up on them EVER out of fear of damaging your relationship is unwise. We trust our kids - they know that - but we do verify. Trust but verify. Not always and not often - but often enough. And yes, I ended up with a difficult child anyway. Maybe our verification turned him into a difficult child. Maybe I was a helicopter mom. Maybe I broke the sacred trust. I don't know. Or maybe our verification kept him from becoming a difficult child while in hs and delayed it long enough for him to have a healthy HS experience and thrive while there. And at least he got that. I will never know. And I will ALWAYS wonder and be harder on myself than anyone else. So flame away if you must.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I am old school - but if the fear of getting caught is the very least reason that they stay "good" - so be it; I'll take it. I know that PC18 stopped hanging out with certain friends & stopped going to parties because they were drinking parties. And his girlfriend's dad is a HS coach, so he keeps his daughter on a short leash PLUS easy child won a prestigious HS sports award that he would LOSE if he had a single code violation while still in HS. I know his motives (in staying away from parties) weren't pure "just say no" moral based convictions - but he DID stay away and that's enough for me. Sometimes kids need an excuse like "my mom will kill me and she DOES check up on me" to deal with peer pressure. Worked for me when I was a teen.</p><p></p><p>I think most kids understand that parents check up because THEY CARE. And it's reassuring.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 540743"] Amen MWM And -at the risk of getting flamed...not checking up on them EVER out of fear of damaging your relationship is unwise. We trust our kids - they know that - but we do verify. Trust but verify. Not always and not often - but often enough. And yes, I ended up with a difficult child anyway. Maybe our verification turned him into a difficult child. Maybe I was a helicopter mom. Maybe I broke the sacred trust. I don't know. Or maybe our verification kept him from becoming a difficult child while in hs and delayed it long enough for him to have a healthy HS experience and thrive while there. And at least he got that. I will never know. And I will ALWAYS wonder and be harder on myself than anyone else. So flame away if you must. Maybe I am old school - but if the fear of getting caught is the very least reason that they stay "good" - so be it; I'll take it. I know that PC18 stopped hanging out with certain friends & stopped going to parties because they were drinking parties. And his girlfriend's dad is a HS coach, so he keeps his daughter on a short leash PLUS easy child won a prestigious HS sports award that he would LOSE if he had a single code violation while still in HS. I know his motives (in staying away from parties) weren't pure "just say no" moral based convictions - but he DID stay away and that's enough for me. Sometimes kids need an excuse like "my mom will kill me and she DOES check up on me" to deal with peer pressure. Worked for me when I was a teen. I think most kids understand that parents check up because THEY CARE. And it's reassuring. [/QUOTE]
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Jumper will never have a get together at ouro house...I'm angry and hurt
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