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Jumper will never have a get together at ouro house...I'm angry and hurt
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<blockquote data-quote="svengandhi" data-source="post: 540744" data-attributes="member: 3493"><p>I commented early on but it appears that the discussion has morphed and unfolded into new areas.</p><p></p><p>MWM -</p><p></p><p>I am guilty of this and I don't know if you are but I want to share my thoughts in case they might be on point. My sister was a total difficult child as a child and as an adult, has borderline PD and I have no contact with her. My sister in law is a substance abuser and my father in law died of alcoholism related issues. It seems clear that my H's side of the family possesses the addiction gene, though it seems not to have expressed itself in H. </p><p></p><p>Whenever one of my kids, especially difficult child, does certain things, I get panic stricken that bad family traits, in his case, specifically my sister and her Borderline (BPD), are manifesting themselves and I get crazed. I want and need to do anything I can to prevent him from being anything like her and I know I can't. Many times, my attempted interventions and panics make things worse.</p><p></p><p>Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think that your situation with your older daughter is influencing your point of view with Jumper. Your older D was already doing drugs and whatever by the time she was the age Jumper is now. You have no reason to believe that Jumper is doing or planning on doing those things. I think that encouraging her to entertain at home is a good idea because it will alleviate some of your concerns. However, if she is reluctant to, it doesn't sound like it's because she wants to sneak off and do drugs. It's just that she's one of those kids who doesn't want to entertain at home. </p><p></p><p>When my D was in 8th grade, one of the moms invited all of her D's friends and parents over for a mid-summer BBQ. We got to know each other and share our thoughts. From then on, I was fine with whoever D told me she was with. That might be something you might want to do and perhaps that would make you more comfortable. </p><p></p><p>After they graduated HS, the kids hung out all summer. One night, daughter told me the other kids were planning a drinking and make out party. She said that she and one other friend were not attending but that they had told their friends they'd be available to drive them home. I was pleased with her good judgment. My guess is that Jumper would be more like my D and not her friends in a similar scenario. </p><p></p><p>I know this was rambling but the bottom line is, it sounds like Jumper has a good head on her shoulders and she has earned your trust. It's hard to let them go but we have to let them make choices and decisions, good and bad, so that they can continue to do so when we're not around to guide them.</p><p></p><p>I hope the party goes well tomorrow.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="svengandhi, post: 540744, member: 3493"] I commented early on but it appears that the discussion has morphed and unfolded into new areas. MWM - I am guilty of this and I don't know if you are but I want to share my thoughts in case they might be on point. My sister was a total difficult child as a child and as an adult, has borderline PD and I have no contact with her. My sister in law is a substance abuser and my father in law died of alcoholism related issues. It seems clear that my H's side of the family possesses the addiction gene, though it seems not to have expressed itself in H. Whenever one of my kids, especially difficult child, does certain things, I get panic stricken that bad family traits, in his case, specifically my sister and her Borderline (BPD), are manifesting themselves and I get crazed. I want and need to do anything I can to prevent him from being anything like her and I know I can't. Many times, my attempted interventions and panics make things worse. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think that your situation with your older daughter is influencing your point of view with Jumper. Your older D was already doing drugs and whatever by the time she was the age Jumper is now. You have no reason to believe that Jumper is doing or planning on doing those things. I think that encouraging her to entertain at home is a good idea because it will alleviate some of your concerns. However, if she is reluctant to, it doesn't sound like it's because she wants to sneak off and do drugs. It's just that she's one of those kids who doesn't want to entertain at home. When my D was in 8th grade, one of the moms invited all of her D's friends and parents over for a mid-summer BBQ. We got to know each other and share our thoughts. From then on, I was fine with whoever D told me she was with. That might be something you might want to do and perhaps that would make you more comfortable. After they graduated HS, the kids hung out all summer. One night, daughter told me the other kids were planning a drinking and make out party. She said that she and one other friend were not attending but that they had told their friends they'd be available to drive them home. I was pleased with her good judgment. My guess is that Jumper would be more like my D and not her friends in a similar scenario. I know this was rambling but the bottom line is, it sounds like Jumper has a good head on her shoulders and she has earned your trust. It's hard to let them go but we have to let them make choices and decisions, good and bad, so that they can continue to do so when we're not around to guide them. I hope the party goes well tomorrow. [/QUOTE]
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Jumper will never have a get together at ouro house...I'm angry and hurt
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