Just a little vent about self centered adult kids

[hearts and roses]

Urgh! So, this weekend, I did the Black Friday morning thing with easy child so she could get the comforter she wanted for her dorm ($30). I also drove her 1.5 hours away on Sat to catch a ferry so she could visit her dad without using up her gas and then back home ($10) plus gave her the fare money ($15). Then I drove with H to drop off HER car at our mechanic's house about 15 miles away ($5). Then yesterday morning, H and I drove back to the mechanic's house and paid nearly $600 in repairs so that she would have a winter safe car to take back to school. Then last evening, at 6PM, I drove back to the ferry 1.5 hours away and picked her up again ($10). Well, after I picked her up she mentioned something about wanting to get her dad a coffee maker at Walmart, so I offered to stop on the way home and we did. She didn't have any money, so I offered to cover it for her and did ($20). While at Walmart she mentioned that she saw a cute little bed set that she would rather have than the one we bought on Friday and showed it to me. I bought that for her ($38) and will likely keep the original one I bought on Friday at 6AM for difficult child's room - no biggie.

I just called her (easy child) and asked her if she was going out to do her errands and she is. So, I asked her if she could please bring me (I am at work) the leftover turkey soup in the fridge for my lunch...it is already 1:30 here...I was late getting out this morning and forgot it. And she says, are you ready?

"God MOM! I have no idea when I'm going to be leaving work....why can't you just get something out? Jeesh! <insert lots of sighs and groans>"

Well, my apologies Dear Queen! I had no idea that asking this one little favor was going to put you out so much. My word, my office is only 10 minutes from our home, and 3 minutes from where she will be. You'd think that she would have gladly brought her mother some freakin soup, you know?

And to think I was starting to miss her already (she leaves for school on Friday)!!

 

[flutterbee]

Oh, yeah. I bet you just can't wait to do more running around for her.

 

[hearts and roses]

Seriously Heather.

 

[TerryJ2]

Ooooh. I'd be doing a slow burn.
So sorry.

 

[busywend]

I think you should print this out and let her read it. Not that I think she will get it right away. But, in time this will be brought back in from the recesses of her memory and she will send you a nice ecard telling you how much she appreciates you.
(Am I the optimist or what?!)

Sorry she is still a self centered child - when does that change again?

 

[I'm going crazy!!!]

I think I'd buy her a card and list everything you did here
and then end it with Merry Christmas Honey I hope you enjoy all of that love ya Mom just an idea LOL
and that would be here Christmas gift

 

[Star*]

I would have said -

JEEZE KID (same way she said it to you) - I cant get myself any lunch as I have no money after covering YOUR ferry ride, YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR DADDY (coffee pot) , YOUR gas, YOUR WINTERIZATION car repair, YOUR bedspread TWICE, not to mention the three friggin hours out of my life to get you to and from the ferry, AND the dinner that I paid for yesterday so YOU could ALSO have Thanksgiving at HOME - so be a luv and fetch your mom some soup FREAKING NOW YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT.

And would have also said -
Oh and because I have manners - THANK YOU!

UGH

Checking the list twice - her name shows up NAUGHTY :santa:

 

[hearts and roses]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: I'm going crazy!!!</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I think I'd buy her a card and list everything you did here and then end it with Merry Christmas Honey I hope you enjoy all of that love ya Mom just an idea LOL
and that would be here Christmas gift </div></div>

:rofl: Bwaahaaahaaaa...she actually made out a Christmas list for us the other day and after she and I went shopping on [stupid] Black Friday, she amended it when we got home! :slap: I bought her 2 pairs of tiny ballet shoes, a set of luggage, two sweaters, 3 paris of socks and a pair of earrings. None of it was super expensive, but that's not the point. I told her at the time that those were her Christmas presents and not to expect anything further except stocking stuffers. My God, isn't that enough?? :smile: Well, she handed me her amended list anyway and smiled cutely and said, "Okay, we'll see!" and pranced away! She doesn't list anything outlandish or over the top, but still! To expect MORE. :xgift:

Meanwhile, I've been hounding difficult child to list out a few things for me - she's always the most difficult to stop for - and she hasn't told me anything yet. I did buy her a few items, but not much really.

 

[hearts and roses]

OMG - difficult child just drove from her work to my work to bum $5 because everyone at her work ordered Chinese. :shocked:

I'm laughing because if I didn't, I'd cry. :rolleyes:

I have to go home and change out of these clothes! They must have "Doormat" written all over them. :wink:

I told difficult child to enjoy her lunch, because I didn't have any today. She smiled and said, "That's because easy child is a B!tch!!" omg - lol. :smile:

 

[busywend]

Jo, your easy child has you WRAPPED!!!!!! I bet she is so cute when she smiles at you, all innocent looking. Pretty smart!!

 

[I'm going crazy!!!]

do you think maybe she thinks she deserves these things because she's the "good" one so to speak or has she always taken the difficult child situation in stride just curious

 

[I'm going crazy!!!]

not meaning to vent in you vent post but this week my aunt who's husband just left her for someone else called and asked if I'd go to the store for her I had 132 dollars in savings and she's family so I said sure when I get there her 17 yo daughter is going to the movies and I'm wondering why the heck couldn't she have bought some groceries then she gets in a wreck leaving the movies and her mom has to pay 250 deductible i'd tell my daughter if she wants to drive the car again for anything other than work and school she'd better get some more hours and start saving her money anyway just another example of a selfish brat oh did i say that out loud no offense meant

 

[hearts and roses]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: I'm going crazy!!!</div><div class="ubbcode-body">do you think maybe she thinks she deserves these things because she's the "good" one so to speak or has she always taken the difficult child situation in stride just curious </div></div>

No, not necessarily.

I do think she knows that we realize how incredibly hard she's worked this past year and that we're very proud of her acomplisments...but that is not related to difficult child stuff, Know what I mean??

I think she's just being a brat, manipulative, and maybe taking advantage of me because she knows how much we've missed her this past year. Plus, for my girls, Christmas has always been a big payoff since they have 3 families that give them gifts! And the list isn't just for me, it's also in case anyone asks what she wants...but the gall of just assuming that she's going to get more out of me!

 

[flutterbee]

My easy child always turns it around into 'you never do anything for me'. So, I've decided to let him see just what that feels like.

He has already gotten his Christmas present from Nana. It was Guitar Hero III for Playstation 3 and he got it the night it came out (meaning we were at the store at midnight for the release). Then, when we were ordering difficult child's Christmas presents for difficult child - because what she wanted was only available on Target.com and not in the stores, AND was on sale PLUS had free shipping - easy child says that he doesn't think we should get their presents early because it spoils them. :hammer:

I mutter under my breath. A lot. People probably think I'm crazy. -er.

Since your easy child has revised her list, I would ask her what she would like returned in order to get the things on her new list. I bet you get that deer in the headlights look. :surprise: :rofl:

 

[I'm going crazy!!!]

I'm begining to think our kids are right we are mean :devil:

but i am sooo enjoying the idea of how you can deal with her in the most sarcastic way possible LOL

 

[meowbunny]

Well, at least this is making me feel somewhat better about my post in PE. There really is something about this generation that feels so dang entitled. We are supposed to give and give and when we stop, we're the bad guys. Okay, that's my vent.

I think I'd be so mad at your easy child that she'd be doing a lot of walking for a long, long time -- at least until she started getting the picture. I loved easy child being called a brat by her sister. Gather she got to hear the comments about it being too much effort to bring you lunch.

Hope your daughter has a lightbulb moment soon. Heck, I hope my daughter has a lightbulb moment soon. At least dreams are free!

 

[Marguerite]

I agree with most of what has been written, but please, do NOT put this in a Christmas card. Do not connect this with Christmas in any way, it will backfire badly on you.

Someone I know (I used to call her 'friend', it's slid away from that because of how she treats people, me included) got a card like that from her mother. Whether or not my friend did anything to deserve a card like that, it was not received as the mother intended. All it did was give the girl something else to feel justified in whingeing about. "See? I told you my mother is a selfish, heartless, cold-hearted woman with not an ounce of fellow-feeling in her."
I had been hearing horror stories about this mother for some time. I'm sure this woman genuinely believes her mother IS a mean, nasty person. And she could be right - I will never know. But reading between the lines, I'm now certain there is at least fault on both sides, and whatever it is - it certainly was not helped by sending the daughter a chiding greeting card. Nothing positive was achieved, no lessons were learnt and even bigger barriers to resolution were set up.

The best way to handle it - stop being available, stop being helpful. And when she asks why, tell her you're too poor from the over-spending, you're too tired from all the extra work, you're too faint from hunger and constant malnutrition (lack of soup). Maybe when you're back on y our feet you can help a bit more. Of if she can help you, you will be back on your feet sooner.

But it's quid pro quo. And call in your loans. All of them. AND start charging board for when she IS home.

The sudden change will make her wake up and smell the coffee, faster and more positively than any greeting card.

Marg

 

[hearts and roses]

easy child and I spoke last night about it. She asked me something about dinner and I said some snappy remark about fending for herself...I was having my soup! She was in the other room and came whipping around the bend and said, "What did you say? Did you say something about your soup?" laughing a little.

With a very grave face and turned to her and asked if she was aware of all that we've been doing for her, not just this past weekend, but her whole life, especially this past year. How we've supported her emotionally as well as financially....

I told her that:

"this is not a case of you owe me, but about recognition, appreciation and give and take. We do what we do out of love, hope, the desire to help you reach your dreams and because we want to. We don't expect monumental returns. But we do expect equal treatment and thoughtfulness on your (and difficult child's) part. My miniscule favor of asking you to drop off my soup while out running your errands was not so great and yet you made it out to be this huge inconvenience - you hurt my feelings and I felt taken advantage of."

She responded by saying:

I know you did a lot for me. But you should remember to bring your soup in the morning before you leave."

That was the end of conversation pretty much.

I wouldn't ruin Christmas to make this point. She's always been appreciative in the past and has written us thank you's that make you cry they are so touching. I know that she's a wreck about moving back to college this weekend and that is coming out in this way as well as others. Her head is killing her with psorriasis - it happens when she's feeling incredibly stressed. She's thinking about all sorts of things and I get that. It will be okay. I'm not going to make a mountain out of mohill, besides I gave her my piece - she knows how I feel.

Thanks for the support!

 

[I'm going crazy!!!]

Marg
I was just kidding about the Christmas card you know a joke

Jo
I'm glad you got to say your peace atleast she knows how you feel even if she doesn't realize how important that is. Maybe soon she'll realize she only has one mother and just how precious you are. I hope this is just a case of nerves.

 

[meowbunny]

Sorry, nerves or no, her remark that you should have remembered is over the top. A simple apology would have meant so much.

I don't recommend spoiling Christmas because, if you're like me, the joy really is in the giving. I would, however, quit doing a lot of the other things for her.

Sorry, but that remark literally had me gritting my teeth!