Just found out tonight that I was wrong about difficult children medications and them being medication free. husband has been giving them their medications early in the AM before leaving for work so it kicks in before I deal with them by myself. Sooo...Zoloft is now on the lowest dosage for each difficult child right now. I thought it was done because their weekly pill containers were empty, but when I realized the date we started wheaning them, I asked husband. He said he didn't realize I thought they were off their medications until I said it at the new docs office yesterday. They are off their sleep medications and they are also off foclin already, so now we just have another week-week and half of Zoloft and they'll be medication free. We hope to meet the new pyschiatrist next week and maybe he can suggest something different. Right now no night time medications is whats most noticable. Really the rozerum wasn't doing anything anyways. A month of no rest for both them and us is making everyone irritable. The last two days at our house have just stunk. I keep telling husband I feel like the wicked step mom in all the Disney movies. He thinks its okay that I'm always annoyed and I feel guilty for being annoyed. What if this new doctor does think difficult children have asperghers? They have some serious disability and we're punishing them for things they can't help? Then I think, what if they get this diagnosis and use it as a crutch to behave badly? Spending time outside was wearing them out, but the neighbors are being extremely nosey about it all and I swear they think we're being abusive. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Although the difficult children are playing on it too and having meltdowns outside after 10 minutes, they cry and say they're very tired, all the while knowing a neighbor is listening. Today I just gave up on outside time and had them come in and sit with me. This constant supervision is so stressful. Between the stealing, sneaking and hitting of all 3 difficult children and my youngest difficult children most recent allergic reactions to off limit foods, I don't know what else to do. If they aren't supervised all the time, they just get in more trouble or end up swollen like a pumpkin from whatever my youngest has become allergic to. I'm going to take a break tomorrow and take my daughter to see Go Diego Go Live. Not my cup of tea, but it at least gets me out of the house for a few hours and some quality time with her. I wish I could take a week or two off. I think I'd come back so refreshed. Then I think I need to get a job, so I'm not at home. But in a year the oldest difficult child will be too old for daycare, besides daycare for 5 kids would be more than what I could make. I can't leave difficult child at home even with older easy child, because they fight like cats and dogs and difficult child would just get into more trouble. I feel stuck. I worry about DHs and my relationship because hes so stressed and I'm so stressed. I don't think we'd ever divorce, but I don't want to become his roommate or buddy and not have the connection as husband and wife. Lately though we're both too tired, too stressed or too bummed to spend any time together that doesn't include a vent session about the kids. Okay, I'm done with my book and pitty party. Thanks so anyone who made it through!