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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 692154" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Apple, there were guidelines on clothing colors but the guidelines were from when the prison was a women's reception center and now it is a men's mainline. In other words the wrong guidelines. </p><p></p><p>And then there is the issue that the color I wore (apple green pants) was not the banned color (fluorescent lime green)/ All of the officers are in green, too, but it is olive drab, like military. Green, itself, is not banned.</p><p></p><p>The thing is I do not have an issue with their right to turn me away. I understand and accept that it is subjective. That is their job. I accept that when I decide to work in a prison that it is like the military in that--custody decisions and interests override everything.</p><p></p><p>My issue is me. The thing that had me concerned about returning to work at all. Whether the death of my mother (and my reaction), the problems with my son--all of it--getting older, and more vulnerable, rendered me not as good a match as I once was. I mean, I was never the greatest match but I was very, very effective. And I seemed to be able to do it.</p><p></p><p>So my concerns are me, emotionally--whether I have the stamina anymore. Whether I am just too vulnerable, that I have become too vulnerable in these 3.5 years away. Or put another way--now that I do not have to do it (I have social security and a pension and more assets than I once did)whether I want to do it. Whether I want to pay the price, or need to pay the price. That is the question.</p><p></p><p>Because anybody who reads my posts can see I am not the toughest cookie in the world. And now that I am on the down side of this mountain with limited time and energy left to live--do I want to live it this way? </p><p></p><p>I had decided that I wanted to earn enough money to replace the money I used while I was off--after my mother died. But part of me is feeling that that is self-punishing. </p><p></p><p>Thank you Apple !! and Jabber !! and SWOT !! *and Lil and everybody. You guys are such a source of support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 692154, member: 18958"] Apple, there were guidelines on clothing colors but the guidelines were from when the prison was a women's reception center and now it is a men's mainline. In other words the wrong guidelines. And then there is the issue that the color I wore (apple green pants) was not the banned color (fluorescent lime green)/ All of the officers are in green, too, but it is olive drab, like military. Green, itself, is not banned. The thing is I do not have an issue with their right to turn me away. I understand and accept that it is subjective. That is their job. I accept that when I decide to work in a prison that it is like the military in that--custody decisions and interests override everything. My issue is me. The thing that had me concerned about returning to work at all. Whether the death of my mother (and my reaction), the problems with my son--all of it--getting older, and more vulnerable, rendered me not as good a match as I once was. I mean, I was never the greatest match but I was very, very effective. And I seemed to be able to do it. So my concerns are me, emotionally--whether I have the stamina anymore. Whether I am just too vulnerable, that I have become too vulnerable in these 3.5 years away. Or put another way--now that I do not have to do it (I have social security and a pension and more assets than I once did)whether I want to do it. Whether I want to pay the price, or need to pay the price. That is the question. Because anybody who reads my posts can see I am not the toughest cookie in the world. And now that I am on the down side of this mountain with limited time and energy left to live--do I want to live it this way? I had decided that I wanted to earn enough money to replace the money I used while I was off--after my mother died. But part of me is feeling that that is self-punishing. Thank you Apple !! and Jabber !! and SWOT !! *and Lil and everybody. You guys are such a source of support. [/QUOTE]
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