Just a vent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, May 5, 2009.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am at work. I am sooo incredibly bored. I have work to do, but no desire to do it, which I know is wrong. I should be doing it, and maybe once I get this out, I will buckle down and get to it.

    difficult child is job hunting. There is this discount store in town which is managed by a local woman who is just plain bitter. I can't figure it out but we have many mutual friends and she's been neighbor for 15 years and yet, since the time I met her when her daughter and my easy child were in 3rd grade, she's been super witchy to all of us. Even if I'm with one of our mutual friends and we run into her (town function/fair), this woman will not even glance in my direction. Anyway, 5 YEARS ago, easy child's boyfriend went out on cabbage night (he was 19 then) and spray painted a particular male body part on the street near this woman's house (not knowing it was her house-he randomly selected that spot & I sent him out the following night with black spray paint to cover it up). She erroneously reported it to the POLICE that it was easy child. This woman's younest daughter then told everyone in school that it was difficult child who did it. difficult child wasn't even out that night, but it stuck.

    So, difficult child applied to this store where this bitter woman works because it's the only danged place hiring around here. difficult child even put off going there thus far because of this woman! difficult child has plenty of retail experience but this woman called difficult child, sans an interview or any other contact, and flat out told difficult child that she couldn't hire her because she doesn't have enough retail experience. I want to tell you that the IQ of a majority of the workers at this discount store probably wouldn't add up to equal difficult child's alone and yet this woman won't hire difficult child. I KNOW, in my bones, it's because of that stupid act of easy child's boyfriend from years ago - this woman has pre-conceived notions about our family and she is using this small bit of hiring/firing power not to hire difficult child! I have wanted so badly to go down there and give this woman a piece of my mind, but I know I cannot. I am always polite and cordial to this woman (mostly because I can't figure her out). I advised difficult child to dress nicely and go see this woman in person and explain to her, in detail, all of her retail experience and try to win her over. That is where difficult child is now. I am hoping beyond hope that this woman can tap into her human side and give difficult child a shot.

    easy child is in Spain, having a wonderful time. She emailed me and said she wants to move to Spain. This is not a passing whim. Well, it sort of is...just like every other thing with easy child. I want a puppy - she gets puppy - puppy becomes my responsibility. She wants to move off campus into an apt with boyfriend. I help her do this, she turns around and breaks her lease and moves back home, foregoing the furthering of her education because said boyfriend is a jerk. She goes back with old boyfriend whom she dumped before college because he cheated on her - they are happily together in Spain staying at his sister's house. She has always wanted to be a pastry chef. She goes to culinary school, a very expensive culinary school and $60,000, a graduate, and one year later she decides she wants to be an early childhood educator. easy child has learned that in Spain, she can earn double what she earns here as a nursery school teacher. She also loves the way cars are small, apts are small, the hours Europeans keep is cool (late) and the foods they eat are superior to ours. Her only complaint, and it wasn't much of a complaint, is that it seems a tad bit more paternalistic in their society. Well, duh.

    I am all for encouraging my kids in thier dreams and I always have, as long as they are working hard to attain those dreams. But I cannot encourage this. If easy child were moving to Spain to further her education, that would be one thing. But to move there simply because everything is little and cute?? The food is good?? She likes the hours they keep?? C'mon!

    Okay, I will admit that I am on the cusp of getting my period and well, as you may recall, it's not a good time for me (hence my planned ablation). I am bloated & uncomfortable, crampy, extremely depressed and moody, tired, irritable, want to run away, hide in a hole somewhere with lots of yodels and wine. Okay, let's face it, I am a miserable human being right now. :tongue:

    I should be working, I should be focusing on me and my goals, scheduling my appointment at the community college - figuring other things out for myself...perhaps glancing at my marriage to see what the status is this week. But I am obsessing on these two things instead. I hate this time of month. I hate feeling like this and...well, that's it. I am grateful that easy child isn't here because I'd box her ears right now.

    So, okay I will give work a shot. Thanks for listening.:whiteflag:
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL....Well I think any mom would have a double shot of "you wanna do WHAT????" if their child emailed from half a world away and told them they wanna move to Spain. You dont have to be in the throws of PMS to be feeling that way.

    I can just imagine my reaction if one of mine went on vacation and decided to move to a foreign country. LOL...I would probably have them checked for a brain tumor. If I did it they would have me committed.
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Janet, I just can't trust myself or my reactions anymore when it comes to having pms anymore. I'm so not myself. I walk around on the verge of tears and on a dime want to rip out someone's heart and feed it to them. I'm totally and completed whacked. So, I question myself a lot these days. Aside from the physical complaints, there is a lot of mental/emotional stuff going on that really throws me for a loop!!! Totally bites.

    Thanks for the reassurance that it's not only the PMS though~;)
  4. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    I've wanted to move to every foreign country I've ever visited! ;) But I hear ya, from her background, sounds like a horrible idea, doesn't it? Sometimes, though, people need to move away, REALLY far from parental rescue, before they'll finally grow up. As long as you're not paying for any of it, maybe it'd be good for her?

    She's 20. If she can find a way to live in Spain, more power to her. If she can pay back her school loans, support herself, get the required visas, etc, then why not? Sounds like she's staying an irresponsible kid here in the US, might be good for her to either spread her wings or crash and burn.....as long as she's doing it standing on her own two feet.

    Did I mix too many metaphors there? I think I did. You get the picture, though, hopefully! ;)
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    You know, eeky, the way you describe it, she's sounding more like a difficult child than a easy child. Hahahaha. I think we all have a bit of difficult child in us, but she has proven herself to be mostly easy child. If she has a job, she's diligent about going in every day and doing her best. She can save money, pay all her bills. i.e., car loan and insurance and student school loans, etc. She's responsible in that way. I have no worries about her making it and being able to support herself. It's just the tugging of the heart for ME. I hate the idea of her moving so far away and then changing her mind. It hurts and pulls on MY heartstrings more than I can handle right now. on the other hand, maybe you're right. Maybe it would be best for her to be away, far away for now. But my hope is that when and if she and boyfriend ever get married or, Heaven forbid, start a family, they will move back 'home' close to me. I would hate to have grandkids so far away. Look at me....obsession again on things that I A) have no control over, and B) aren't even a possibility yet!! haha. I need a valium or something. LOL>

    Her problem is that she is fickle. She thinks she wants something and then when she has it, she doesn't want it so much. I used to be right there beside her cheering her along, EVEN when she changed her mind or became fickle about a choice she had made. I don't do that anymore. I've learned to clam up and keep my mouth shut. But it still drives me bonkers on the inside, you know?

    I have to change my profile. She turned 21 last November!!! Hahaha.
  6. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    re: ^
    My mom tries to keep me young forever, too!! (haha) She says she's not old enough for me to be almost 28. :tongue:

    Aww, sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders, just not sure what she wants to do in life yet - the bright side here is that she's out DOING stuff while she figures it out, not slacking around your house like MOST 20-somethings without a path!!! Living overseas is an amazing experience, but most people who do it want to come home eventually. And, like everything else in her life so far (ha!), this too may pass.

    But---for now? Obsess away! I think it's just our lot in life. Sis is 14, has a "boyfriend" who seems very nice. She's already started to fuss at me for "tell me stories of you when you were my age and your boyfriends and stuff". Aghgh.

    Talk about something that will now occupy every inch of my un-used brain for the next, oh, DECADE. Sis as a dating, teenage girl. OH DEAR GOD NO.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Only thing worse is NOT getting a period for a few months and you're going...hmmm...my tubes are tied. I should be good. Then I do research on that and it's only really effective for about 10 years. I'm a good 18 years in.:dont_know:

  8. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    JOG---your easy child sounds a lot like my Jana. She is the most head-strong independent young woman I know---until she needs her mommy!!! And often when she makes a decision, in the end, she needs her mommy. She is easy child, too----but that little touch of difficult child in her makes me crazier than dealing with the whole difficult child at times. From him, I expect for him to "need" me occasionally. With her, it's hardly ever and then it's an immediate, right now, can't wait need. She would be one to decided to move to a foreign country and 2 months later ask to borrow airfare home.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL....yes...I would go stark raving crazy thinking that my kids were that far from me because while I dont want them right up under me...I dont want them all that far from me either.

    What if they...god forbid...need their Mommy?!?!? (This is when the men in little white coats should come rushing in to inject us!)

    Didnt we just go through major pain and upheaval to get these creatures out of our houses and into the real world? Sigh...but now we still want that lil tie to keep them close. We want them to still need us on occassion. I mean dont we still need our parents for the most part? Most of us? I may have an over romantasized view of family life because my mom was such a bummer but my relationship with my boys seems to be pretty darned good for their ages. Or maybe I am just too enmeshed...lol. It would kill me to lose my kids and grandkids so I couldnt see them but once or twice a year.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hmmmm... (hands a bar of chocolate to Jo) try this! Always seems to work for me :D

    easy child is gonna do what she's gonna do. She's a big girl now, and while you don't have to encourage her whims, I think you have to realize that part of her growing up involves making these life choices and seeing them through on her own. I think I'd make it clear, though, that once you move out, you're out! I'm not big on adult children moving back home unless it's some kind of emergency. But that's just me.

    Seriously, though. Have some chocolate, Jo. You'll feel better!
  11. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    It is God-awful painful to have an ocean separate you from your loved one, this I know.

    Be that as it may, there are plenty of US citizens who think it is romantic to live in Europe. Many of them get it out of their system and come on home with a new appreciation of this country.

    Big hugs for you in this uncertainty.
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Income may be higher but what about expenses? Usually higher income means higher expenses. Hope she does her homework in the budgeting area.

    How did difficult child's adventure go today?

    Yep, hard to concentrate at work with your kids' hopes and dreams. However, work is a time to turn those off for a while - can't do anything about them at the moment so bury yourself in your job duties.

    My job takes me so far away from home life that it really is like a mini vacation everyday. Though I also have days when I can't keep the kids' challenges off my mind.

    So, were you able to focus on work after the vent?
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Andy, yes, being able to laugh at myself and my worries always makes me feel better, especially when I'm venting to others who understand, thanks!

    difficult child was not hired by that woman. When she went to see that woman (the meanie) the woman simply told her that she could not add any references to her application and so that nullifies her retail experience. That is baffling to me because on her app and resume, she has listed 3 different positions in which she has retail experience (one for a 1.5 years and another for 6 months). difficult child pointed that out to her and the woman just said, "Nope, sorry, I can't consider you for this position" and turned away. difficult child was dumbfounded, which isn't easy to do to her! I was/am fuming about it. But it's not like I can go to the woman. Besides, after that, what would be the point? Just so difficult child would have to work under her and be treated like a leper? You know she'd be on difficult child like white on rice every single working hour. But it is infuriating!

    3Shadows/GVC - I was thinking that IF easy child moved, it would give me an excuse to visit Spain myself, something I've always wanted to do. And as long as she doesn't settle there and have babies so far from thier Mima, I have to let it go. Really, I have to get over myself. Hahah.

    Janet, like you I didn't have the most warm and fuzzy upbringing. On the surface it appears that we were all close, warm and fuzzy, but really there was a lot of dysfunction and by the time I hit 14, I was never home - always at one of my friend's homes where the family life was 'normal'. I've been fortunate for the most part that my easy child has always loved being home and bringing friends home. Even difficult child for the most part enjoys family stuff. She prefers to be out, and with the exception of the past few years, she enjoyed bringing her friends around too. I really love that and when easy child was at college, I missed the hubbub of activity in our home.

    EW - Oh, you are so right. easy child is Ms. Independent, except when she wants me. H says she can't pour herself a glass of water without first asking which cup is best suited. But that's not true. She is an individual thinker and makes her own final decisions, but she does use me to bounce ideas off of, which I think is nice. I wish she had a close girlyfriend, however, because sometimes I don't want to be her confidante, Know what I mean?? lol. I'm sure there will be lots of talk and research after she returns tomorrow. I'm going to practice deep breathing. Haha

    Thanks everyone. Being able to vent here and get such great feedback helped prevent a mini panic attack.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    (waits for an opportune moment - and then takes chocolate candy bar being offered by GCV mom.....'cause JO - you wuz too busy talking so I hepped you out.) ;)

    ps. Your chocolate was very good. :redface:

    Hang in there:D - (hands wrapper to GCV Mom ) :laugh:
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Star, thanks for heppin me out!

    Last night I had difficult child drive me to the store after dinner so could buy enough 'feminine hygiene' supplies to suit a dorm full of teenagers and a box of yodels (for the creamy delicious center surrounded by layers of chocolate cake). I feel much better today!