Just a whole bunch of YUCKY YICK!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Instead of posting 8 million separate vents, I'm going to try and put it all into one. I'm just feeling overwhelmed, worried, hormonal, and like FREAKING OUT!!

    Let's start with H (here I go on the heels of Linda's lovely thread about not griping on our H's) - sorry Linda! I love my H, I do. We've definitely had our difficult times and some really fantastic times. We were doing counseling together and then the therapist said she didn't think H needed to go anymore [because he knew what he had to do]. He was coming to sessions and just sort of spinning his wheels (and mine) and I felt we weren't getting anywhere because the concepts discussed were not really being put into motion. I was tired of going over the same old ****. I don't know what he thinks about that, but once in a while, if we're arguing and stuck on a topic I might bring up how we discussed it in session and remind him. This sometimes works to get him back on track, sometimes not. I really really do not have time to argue over petty little stupid things and that is all we did this weekend. Also, I think because of our hectic schedules and his mid-winter blues thing, we haven't been in synch with 'other' areas and I'm about to go out of my mind. But then, when the very person you want to 'get close' with makes you see red, the last thing you want is to be intimate with them, am I wrong?

    I still have walking pneumonia, at least they think I do. I went for a chest x-ray the other day and they put me back on prednisone, 80 mgs a day! I hate that stuff - makes me edgy, full of energy and I can't sleep. On top of that, my period is a bit late so my hormones have me very much on the edge. H knows this and uses those two things (the pred and my hormones) as an excuse to blame the nit picking on ME. And he was even trying to sell this idea to easy child at the dinner table last night - she just smiled at him & I laughed, because it's so obvious he's the instigator.

    How do I know he's the instigator? Because I started my classes last week and there is A LOT Of homework and reading and writing involved....hello? Politics of Social Welfare and Intro to Human Services. Heavy duty stuff. And no matter what I thought I knew, what I don't know is a lot!!! So, my classes do not take up a whole heap of my time because I can do some of the work at school, but they are two nights a week for only 2 hours. How does H respond? Like the kid who is last to get picked up after school. As if he's being neglected somehow. He's practically pouting. Oh, to others he will say with pride, "Yeah, my wife is going to school. She's so smart, etc" but then at home he's being petty and picky and resentful in seemingly small and insignificant ways, but I notice - and I'm trying not to. You would think that he would say, "Hey since you have class on Mon/Wed, I will make dinner those nights so you can eat when you get home at 7PM" but NO. Instead he asks me, in his not so jokingly way, "Who's going to make my dinner?" As if he's Fred Flintstone and didn't live on his own for 12 years away from Mommy before marrying me. Argh. So, I continue to ignore, ignore, ignore and go about my business. But it's like he's so annoyed that I am doing this for myself - going to school.

    So, about those classes. I really think that I am politically retarded. I know where I stand on social issues (which I will not go into) and I know what I agree with and who, I know how I vote, I do plenty of research on the candidates, etc. I read the paper, skim the news (because it's so darned depressing) and keep myself mostly abreast of what is going on in my world and the world around me. I am not a politcal slacker by any means, but I am so not a political genius either. However, that said, the terminology in this class is the very terminology that turned me off to listening to the talking heads that H watches every night, the very news items I skip over - everything I hate about politics. Not the social aspect, but the labeling of specific groups of people. We had to take this online test to see where we stand politically and while I'm not surprised at my outcome, my beliefs are categorized in terms that I am not fully educated on. H said that is the purpose of this class - to educate me. But last night I had to write a short essay on my results on the test and take a guess at where my classmates would fall in their beliefs. It was so dofficult. I spent nearly 2 hours just trying to define the terminology so I could understand it enough to write about it! I want to warn my professor that I am politically retarded...Anyway, I will go to class tonight and see what's up. The other class (Human Services)I love...love...love!

    Now difficult child. She got this great job and she's doing okay I think. We went and bought her all sorts of great business casual clothing and she's been dressing the part. If she would only shower more regularly. She's always dashing out the door, doesn't eat right, sleeps at off times and skids (later I will explain what I mean by the word 'skid') home at night, crashes into bed and then wakes up 20 minutes before she has to leave in the morning. She's barely put together, hair up in a knot. She sometimes smells, she's cranky, and I can, but don't want to, predict how this will end. Yes, her boyfriend's sister got her in the door, but I am hoping she doesn't think that will keep her in the door, Know what I mean?? This is an opportunity for her to make a good lasting impression so that when a permanent position is available, she may be the one to get it! Anyway, I am practicing my detachment, but isn't there something I can say to her about this without it sounding parent-like?

    The next issue with difficult child is that lately she's been coming in later and later, upsetting the dogs and the barking disrupts my sleep. I've reminded her of the 11PM rule during the week - we need our rest for work. Last night we had some freezing rain up by us and she went out to coffee with a friend at around 6PM in lieu of dinner, I might add. I reminded her it was going to be worse on the roads later and to please not be late. Well, of course, 11PM rolls around and she's not home. I text her. She says she's on her way home. I'm in bed, trying to sleep (easy child & h were both sleeping by then) and difficult child skids into the driveway. I hear the garage door open, the dogs all go nuts and startle us all awake, difficult child clomps through the house to my room and yells out, "Mom! I skidded into your car and smashed the back!" It is too late now and really, I'm just freakin exhausted by my night of homework so I tell her to park her car and we'll look at it in the morning. She clomps back out, I peek through the window and see the dent on my car - I will deal with it later. Garage goes up, dogs all bark, she comes back inside, sobbing now because I didn't go see it (really it's like a 3-ring circus at midnight at my house now). I tell her it's just a small thing, go to bed. She is still sobbing, takes a dog and goes to bed, slamming her door. Whatever. So, now I have a dent on my car, her signal light cover is smashed off. I don't have money to fix any of it and the damage is likely to be just under my auto deductible. I am going to make her help pay for it - I think this is reasonable. She likely will not since it was the ice that made her hit my car. But my feeling is that if she had paid attention to the rule of being home at a reasonable hour, and the fact that there was ice all over the place and she should have come home earlier before it got bad, this would not have happened.

    Today is Day 4 of the pred, my period is STILL not here, I have to go to class tonight, and I'm just so darned tired. Ohhh, this is longer than I realized. Sorry and thanks if you made it this far.
  2. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you have a lot to deal with. I think last week I was the one who posted the overwhelmed thread. This week is better for me; hopefully yours will get better too.

    Sometimes a lot of things pile up and it is just too much to deal with all at once. Take a deep breath, had a coffee or a tea or a margarita or whatever you like to have, and let everybody else work out their own problems for an hour or two while you have a bubble bath, a read, a nap, or whatever might make you feel better.

    Sending hugs your way.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    It sounds like you need a VACATION.

    As for husband...? You are being too nice. PMS....ehhh? Sounds like you oughta use that to your advantage. As in, that's right, honey--I have PMS. Therefore, if you know what's good for you, YOU will have dinner ready and waiting on the table for ME.

    Your politics class sounds hard--but maybe it doesn't have to be...? As I understand it, political commentary is all about who can spin the largest pile of BS. Maybe that's how you need to apporach it, too?

    As in: here's what I believe--but instead of just stating my position simply, I am going to add all kinds of useless statistics and extraneous information so that by the time you reach the end of my paper...you can't remember what my original answer was and really, my opinion could be construed either way at a later date in case I need to deny or publicly apologize for my remarks.

    Car damage? O yes, she can ABSOLUTELY pay for the damage. After all, she was out so late because she was relaxing and unwinding after work--right? Work...as in a paying job? And if she had skidded on the ice and bumped into a stranger's car, you bet she'd be responsible for it. Why should Mom be treated with any less respect than a total stranger?

    Plus--now that I remember--Mom has PMS. So if she knows what's good for her...she will fix that car and/or leave cash on the table so that Mom can pay the body shop herself. Thank you very much.

    And if husband starts giving you a hard time about anything--you tell him that whatever it is lies outside of the scope of your jurisdiction. To prove it, give him a lot of useless statistics and extraneous information and be sure to use some really large vocabulary words, too.

    By the time you are finished with that conversation (if husband knows what's good for him) HE will be apologizing to YOU for whatever it was that was his problem in the first place.

    He can then serve you your drink and massage your feet before returning to the kitchen to finish your dinner.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I love DF's ideas! She is seriously right on...lol.

    That politics class is probably going to be one that you have to baffle them with BS class. Have taken a few of those. If you talk in circles you can pretty much get by with saying nothing. In other words, become a politician!
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you have such a huge pile to deal with all at once. Your husband's P/A thing would drive me nuts, too...Miss KT's father would pull that stuff all the time.

    You're doing an awesome thing by going back to school. It's so difficult to go back, and even if the classes are confusing, no knowledge is ever wasted. Many hugs and have fun!
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Things should get better when you all adjust to the new routine and hit your stride. Husbands seem to be the least adaptble when the wife is doing something for herself. been there done that just stick to your guns and go into another room to study and lock the door. Eventually they get that you have set up a new system of priorities. Good luck! -RM
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    with one minor adjustment----I think I'd wait till difficult child was asleep and let her car slide into my car -----again. :surprise: THAT should just about fix your deductible. OH SHE WOULD NOT.....sheesh.

    seriously-----one little snowstorm parking break.....

    OH OKAY NEVER MIND THEN.......goshhhhhhhh...
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Yucky Yick! is correct. Wow! I hope you feel better now that you got some of this down in writing. I am a writing type of person. If I see something on paper, than I can start to tackle it.

    Your frustration with husband makes a lot of sense. I wonder if you wrote up a schedule for the week and handed it to him. Put down on each day the hours you will be home and the times you will be home but unavailable for anything because of "study time". On those days you are home at 7:00, ask him if he can make supper those nights or if he is unable to, give him the menu for the eveningl. Fried hamburgers, a canned vegetable, and a canned fruit. Those are very fast.

    You know, even after over 20 years of marriage, I still can't remember what time of the night husband will be walking into the house after work. It use to be better when I watched the 5:00 news because he ALWAYS walked in at the local news time interrupting the part of the show I really wanted to hear! UGH! And, when he says he will be late, it may mean only 10 minutes. It does vary now a lot depending on the day of the week. Maybe your husband is just having a hard time grasping the schedule?

    Do you have consequences for when she is home late? Sounds like it is time to revisit this rule with her (once again!) sigh!

    Anyway, these may not be helpful ideas for you but I hope you get the idea of looking over what you just wrote and taking the next step of brainstorming to come up with ideas to get through.

    Maybe your family just needs you to put the structure of the new schedule into their hands. It is hard for some of our kids and husband's to catch on to new schedules and what they mean to everyone.

    Good luck! :)
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    With that attitude, on school nights I'd come home, make a sandwich for myself, sit down and start studying/working. They're all adults in your house, they can fend for themselves. And just let the other stuff - the petty comments - roll right off your back. It *really* annoys them when they're trying to get your goat and you don't respond.

    difficult child absolutely should pay for ALL of the damage. It was her fault. End of discussion. Break the curfew rule, you have 30 days to be out. Good luck.

    Jo - it's time to take care of you. You've raised your kids. It's your time now.

    80mgs of prednisone and I'd be homicidal.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks ladies~

    First difficult child: I spoke with her a bit today - she called me from work - and I said what needed to be said. Not sure if she rolled her eyes at me or not but at least I said it and feel better on my end. Hahah. I touched on the curfew thing and will elaborate more later with her. I will see her before I go to class at 5. And I once I have the estimate for damages to my car, difficult child and I will work out a payment plan.

    As for H: Thanks for the tips..I will take all of them under advisement and figure out a plan. I do think a large part of this has to do with finding our groove with the new schedule. I have already suggested to H that if I leave something to be prepared and he prepares it, we all get to eat. His response was, "Why can't your daughters make dinner? They're adults"...ugh, just shoot me. On Mondays it would have to be dinner for 4, on Wednesdays it would be dinner for 3, as easy child goes to boyfriend's after school. And it's true, they are adults, but please. H is the one who is demanding dinner, no one else. Heck, I am happy with a bowl of cereal if there is nothing to eat. I've decided to rethink my menu planning and make a crock pot dish on Mondays. It will make my life easier in the long run and then I can be happy knowing that at least there is a meal planned for that evening - if they eat it great, if not oh well. No skin off my nose, I will eat it the leftovers for lunch. And by the time Mondays come around, there are usually leftovers to graze through or just throw some burritos together.

    As for study time, most of my homework and on line studies are done at work. However, there is reading to be done and that takes place at home. Earplugs. Or, the library. I think this first week and all that extra work I wasn't expecting just threw me for a loop. And also H's P/A behavior. Turd. When I've taken classes in the past, I went to the library a lot for reading and studying. I just cannot concentrate with tv's going in the background. Especially after the dinner hour - it is difficult to focus that late.

    Thanks, I really needed to just get that out and be heard!~
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    (Do you live at my house?)

    Men. Pfft. That's all I have to say on that topic. Although I like DF's idea about having husband make your dinner.

    Definitely, difficult child has to pay for the car damage. (When I got to that part, I just went, OMG!).

    So sorry about your class. I agree about the B S part. So sorry.

    On prednisone, with-PMS, my family would be lucky to come out of it alive. Your family has no idea how good they have it!

  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    H's idea of making dinner is to either order out or not eat. I've been too good for him...he used to make dinner all the time when he lived on his own. Who is this man and what have I done?!?! :surprise:
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Microwave popcorn is a quick and easy dinner. ;)
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jo...your cookbook saved my life! I dont make a ton of them but what I do, I have done. I have a boatload of stew beef and some stuffed shells in the freezer for when I just cant think of anything else to eat. Once we grind all the deer meat I am gonna make meatballs.
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    H came home shortly after I returned from class with a bag of groceries. He made us pizza. It was delish. I was/am so happy. He told me I was early - he wanted to surprise me. Let me pull my foot out of my mouth now...hahaha.

    He is still being P/A and he is still argumentative, but this is a good first step.

    Janet, I am so glad you were able to use that book. My sister in PA uses it and it really saves her time.