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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 592563" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning IAD. Well, you've had 6 weeks of relative calm. I am not an expert in halfway houses, but I am aware that often professionals adopt the strategy recommending parents have little to no contact during the crucial initial phases of recovery. There may be some value in it for him to be able to shift his behaviors within the family structure while there is relatively no contact.</p><p></p><p>I think what is so revealing with all of us parents doing battle with the forces of our child's illness/addiction/issues, is the remarkable level of OUR WORRY and STRESS, even when we are not directly confronted with anything tangible to worry about. It becomes a normal state of mind, fear. What we often talk about in terms of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." It is relentless and unforgiving and wrecks havoc on our emotional and physical health. We are so used to trying to control their lives to keep them safe from their own bad choices, we're almost always in a state of chaos ourselves. Sigh. We are the casualties of their issues as well. </p><p></p><p>IAD, my heartfelt advice and my experience too is to tell you to take this time to focus on YOU. Take what has likely become your unrelenting focus off of your son, and put it on you and your husband and your easy child. It takes effort too, it has become a bad habit. But, you can shift that energy by making different choices whenever you go into the worry place..............become conscious of when you fall into that and make a conscious effort to shift your thinking to something positive, off of him and onto you. Do nurturing things for yourself, do fun things. I know this sounds simple, but it really is a way for you to return to a healthy lifestyle and a more joyful one too. As you learn to focus on yourself, on more positive things, after a while that will become your normal state, instead of worry and fear and anxiety about choices someone else is making that you really have no control over anyway. It's a process of change and takes time and effort on your part, but believe me, it's worth it. One step at a time, one day at a time, until your life is yours again. Sending you hugs............hang in there.............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 592563, member: 13542"] Good morning IAD. Well, you've had 6 weeks of relative calm. I am not an expert in halfway houses, but I am aware that often professionals adopt the strategy recommending parents have little to no contact during the crucial initial phases of recovery. There may be some value in it for him to be able to shift his behaviors within the family structure while there is relatively no contact. I think what is so revealing with all of us parents doing battle with the forces of our child's illness/addiction/issues, is the remarkable level of OUR WORRY and STRESS, even when we are not directly confronted with anything tangible to worry about. It becomes a normal state of mind, fear. What we often talk about in terms of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." It is relentless and unforgiving and wrecks havoc on our emotional and physical health. We are so used to trying to control their lives to keep them safe from their own bad choices, we're almost always in a state of chaos ourselves. Sigh. We are the casualties of their issues as well. IAD, my heartfelt advice and my experience too is to tell you to take this time to focus on YOU. Take what has likely become your unrelenting focus off of your son, and put it on you and your husband and your easy child. It takes effort too, it has become a bad habit. But, you can shift that energy by making different choices whenever you go into the worry place..............become conscious of when you fall into that and make a conscious effort to shift your thinking to something positive, off of him and onto you. Do nurturing things for yourself, do fun things. I know this sounds simple, but it really is a way for you to return to a healthy lifestyle and a more joyful one too. As you learn to focus on yourself, on more positive things, after a while that will become your normal state, instead of worry and fear and anxiety about choices someone else is making that you really have no control over anyway. It's a process of change and takes time and effort on your part, but believe me, it's worth it. One step at a time, one day at a time, until your life is yours again. Sending you hugs............hang in there............. [/QUOTE]
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