Just applied for a FT job to earn $ to pay for difficult child's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or where ever he goes ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jul 2, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    ... since husband still doesn't "get it" in regard to how serious this is. He often says that "Something is going to change." And then does nothing about it, in my humble opinion.

    The problem is, if difficult child is still at home, and I'm not, then what sorts of trouble will he get into, even more than what he already has? Right now, I can cart him around and do errands, just like when he was 2 or 3, to keep an eye on him.

    I applied for an artist position at the local Trader Joe's. Don't know if I'll get it but it sure would help to have something consistent. My last portrait comission was a month ago.

    I've often said that if I worked FT in the corporate world, I would have been fired by now, because of difficult child. So far, I've been lucky, in that I can mostly paint at home, and that my work at Macy's was only PT temporary just b4 the holidays, and my supervisor was unbelievably understanding and user-friendly.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I hope you are able to find something that is "do-able". You are facing the same struggle with regards to work vs supervising difficult child as I am. At least I don't have a husband to add to the stress. I just wish we had more income to do insignificant things like ...... fixing cracking walls in the house ....... paying ALL our bills every month ..... eating more than noodles, hamburger and tuna .....

    Good luck!!
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Actually, husband's ofc mgr is on the same page. :) Her daughter is bipolar and they have been to h*ll and back. She said we HAVE to get difficult child either to a psychiatric hospital or to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but to do what we are doing right now is not going to help. I told her that husband won't budge on the money. She said the money can always be made again somehow. We're young enough to continue working. I agree.
    Too bad she's not my husband. :)
  4. Terry, I am sorry to read that you and husband are not on the same page....i have not read all of your older posts so do not know if husband blames you the way my ex blamed me but, even if he doesn't, it sure doesn't make it any easier that he is not supporting all of your good efforts.

    Reading about supportive, cooperative, parents on this board really makes me envious at times. I know that they have it rough too as raising a difficult child is difficult regardless of circumstances....but it sure would be nice to be on the same team as the other parent wouldn't it?

    Wishing you good luck with the job!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, firehorsewoman.
    No, he doesn't blame me. He just expects miracles.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We were chatting with someone in the hotel lobby last week (just chit-chat) and the woman asked if I worked outside the home. Tigger told her "No, my mom had to stop working cause we needed her alot so she just works with us." So sweet that he gets it.

    Good luck with the artist job!
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    FHW... some of us (like me) really have it good right NOW, but... I spent 8 years running solo, husband didn't have a clue how bad it was (but thankfully was sharp enough as a parent to not work against what difficult child needed... just not on same page as to where it was going and why). Then, when the agricultural hit the proverbial... husband "saw the light" and jumped on board and grabbed the reins, so to speak... in real life, usually I'm the navigator and he's the driver, and he took over that role and it has made a huge diff. But... I understand what it is like to not have that.

    Some DHs get it eventually - some never do. I suspect that when both parents really get it from the beginning and stay on the same page, that we don't see too many of those families on this board!
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Terry... :hugs: I know. Without supervision, it's frightening... But without money, can't get them help... UGH!!!
  9. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Good luck with the job application! Really no harm in trying to make it work. I would suggest your husband shares the burden of having to leave work on difficult child needs one of you guys during business hours. *Maybe* he would gain a new perspective on the matter. Does he truely realize how much you are doing for you difficult child?
    If money was no issue, would husband agree to Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? Or would he still think it is not the road?
    Or maybe he does not believe Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would really change anything so why even spend the money?
    Time does not solve problems, only actions do. Does he have any suggestions? Is t possible for you to have a conversation about it without emotions running too high?
    I know, lots of questions... it is just how I need to think when I'm faced with a communication/reasonning problem with my husband. And believe me: we do have those moments!
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    What I wouldn't give to have a husband who gets it and takes the reins! I would feel so much better if I didn't feel like I was the only parent in the house.

    Good luck with the job. I hope that it works out for you.
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Some of those Residential Treatment Center (RTC) programs offer student-loan-style funding options...

    You'd need to be able to re-pay the loan, of course, but it's something to look into.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    It is really hard having to bring a 15 year old everywhere. i barely do anything except tasks he likes when he is with me. I am glad I get a few hours each week without him. I love summer, but minus some school years, I do love when he goes to school. Luckily Q has no clue about ditching school or how to go buy drugs etc. It would be really hard to go back to a different parenting stage if he already had that freedom to go off with friends, make plans, etc. Heck, just going back on supervised play time outside of our own house has been a nightmare. I think you have no choice right now, either direct supervision or do what you are doing, finding an Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    From what other parents have said here in the past, it seems like settings like boarding schools would not be an option for him at this point. He could do the same kinds of things he is doing now but be living with any bad influences he might connect with. And you would be so far away. I suppose there are any number of specialty boarding schools so it will all depend on whether or not they have a program for kids like your difficult child.

    There is an answer out there, but the amount of digging and negotiating is exhausting. I pray you get a job that falls right in line with your needs, AND that husband can see how important this is to do NOW....there is little time left where you have options because of his age. I forget, along with the new testing did you say you are going to do an assessment for FASD or is the current psychiatric including that in the protocols he is doing now? I might be forgetting ....I will try to look up the thread where you talked about that. Maybe it wasn't an issue for him. (as I type I am feeling unsure if you had even said anything about that.....I'm having a senior moment)

    Sending good juju for the job, would be great for you to have that security AND just to have another focus...one that uses your talents.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Great comment by Tigger!

    Buddy, I think the services you're getting (minus the jerks you deal with) are great and I would keep Buddy at home right now.

    Thank you all for the good ju ju. :) Keep it coming.
  14. llamafarm

    llamafarm New Member

    Having the same issues at home. Actually, difficult child is in therapeutic foster care right now, but husband is out of a job and can't find one in his field. He is working part time, (as am I) but it appears that is going to be my job to find something full time with health insurance. I cannot imagine having husband as the one who deals with difficult child day after day and crisis after crisis if I am off to work. But then again, maybe it will give him a dose of reality. Though I must admit that I am not sure husband needs a dose of reality. I don't want him to think it is any harder than it already is. But being the one at home is really hard!
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ooops, I meant Q. :)
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Actually Insane, there are quite a few of us here where both parents were on the same page from day one. It may have been that mom did more of the actual taking to psychiatrist/therapist and school stuff because they were the stay at home mom but the fathers were backing the mom up all the way. I cant tell you how many times Tony has stood up to people who tried to pull that tired argument about medicating kids for parents convenience. He shuts them down quick. Even his own family. When Cory was a teen, I was working a full time job with benefits so Tony took more time off to watch Cory. It made more sense.