Just because it's all you've ever seen...

ThreeShadows

Quid me anxia?
To all of you who are judging Anaheim fan, please remember that he is a young man doing a difficult job.

In a perfect world humans would be saints, unruffled by the horrors of the streets. My cousin (now deceased) was an EMT in NYC. Until you have had to perform CPR on a homeless person who vomits in your mouth you cannot judge. Until you try to help the same battered woman over and over again, only to have her return to the monster beating her, you cannot judge. Unless you have been called in to an apt. whose occupant is sitting, headless, covered in maggots, in a wing chair, you cannot judge. It is infuriating to watch people destroy their own lives. I was present when my husband's co-workers were trying to take x-rays of a man who had caused a vehicular accident. He was so intoxicated that the room was permeated with the smell. He was combative and punching hospital personnel. Remember that HE had hurt others when he crashed into them because HE chose to drink and drive. I know an ER doctor who was punched out by one of his drunken patients. I was present when a 3 y.o., was dropped off at the ER after her baby sitter was too busy to watch her and let her fall out the third story window. Three adults dropped her off AND LEFT HER THERE ALL ALONE. You had better believe that hospital personnel was furious and judgmental. Humans are only human and can only take so much.

Those who do this job are not supermen/women, my cousin used to love to run into burning buildings to save children. He used to say that was the best part.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I agree with your post.

On the other hand, this young man is posting on a site where many of us have drug abusing children and others in abusive relationships. Some were driven to all of this because of their earlier lives. Also, as a mom with African-American children, I immediately think "He's talking about a non-white neighborhood." I could be wrong, but that's what jumped to mind.

Perhaps the young man needs to learn what our site is about and to be careful what he says as well. Earlier he intimidated that young woman can "ask" to be raped. We are here to support each other as we raise our difficult children. I can't speak for everyone, but I don't want to see terms that are derougatory to women or insinuate that women can actually provoke a rape. I don't want to see drug addicts talked about as if they are not human beings who are unworthy of getting help. I don't want to see "low-income due to their choices." That isn't always true. We are pretty low income, and it isn't due to our "choices."

So I think people without difficult child's who post here have an obligation to be a bit sensitive. Plus I still feel that if you don't respect those you serve, you aren't helping anyone--find another profession. Rich people who do the same thing as poor people, but who have enough money not to live in squalor, are in my opinion exactly the same as those living in poor conditions. And, by the way, many of our difficult children live in those conditions.

It's about being sensitive to those who post here.

JMO.
 

Anaheimfan

Blue Collar Boy
Point taken Midwest. I apologize.

I respected those I served, and I enjoy helping people, otherwise I would've hung up my stuff after my first 3 runs.

Like any job, you have your good days and your bad days. Days where you just love working with the public, and days where you would much rather sit in the base and let the other crew handle it. Despite all that, I never once deviated from my duties. Someone called, we went out, I gave it 110% because if the roles were reversed, I know I would want the same thurough, attentive care for my loved ones.

ThreeShadows hit it pretty much on the head...It does get painful to see the battered woman running back to the sub-human who beat her, the kids just left in the ER by their parents, it's especially painful to see friends/family in the back of the Bone.

As for the insinuation about women begging to raped, I just kind of went off the handle and phrased it the wrong way, to say anything other than that would be pointless. That issue is now dead and buried.




I agree with your post.

On the other hand, this young man is posting on a site where many of us have drug abusing children and others in abusive relationships. Some were driven to all of this because of their earlier lives. Also, as a mom with African-American children, I immediately think "He's talking about a non-white neighborhood." I could be wrong, but that's what jumped to mind.

Perhaps the young man needs to learn what our site is about and to be careful what he says as well. Earlier he intimidated that young woman can "ask" to be raped. We are here to support each other as we raise our difficult children. I can't speak for everyone, but I don't want to see terms that are derougatory to women or insinuate that women can actually provoke a rape. I don't want to see drug addicts talked about as if they are not human beings who are unworthy of getting help. I don't want to see "low-income due to their choices." That isn't always true. We are pretty low income, and it isn't due to our "choices."

So I think people without difficult child's who post here have an obligation to be a bit sensitive. Plus I still feel that if you don't respect those you serve, you aren't helping anyone--find another profession. Rich people who do the same thing as poor people, but who have enough money not to live in squalor, are in my opinion exactly the same as those living in poor conditions. And, by the way, many of our difficult children live in those conditions.

It's about being sensitive to those who post here.

JMO.
 
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susiestar

Roll With It
I appreciate your post. It brought issues to life that many of us face daily. I read it and appreciate and admire the guts it takes to come into a forum like this and admit you screwed up. You are human and sometimes we make judgement calls we shouldn't. So we learn and try not to make that mistake again.

I am lower in income partly because of our choices. We CHOOSE the most expensive insurance option husband's company offers. We choose it because it has the best mental health coverage and Asperger's is considered a mental health issue by the insurance companies. I am also disabled. We have to take that into account.

I can't work. It isn't a choice. I can't even pick up the house for 15 minutes without spending a day or two in agonizing pain. My house DOES have trash on the floor. When I can I sit on the floor with a garbage bag and pick up what I can. The kids do what they can. Even in pain Jessie tries to clean up. And her medical bills have been outrageous because of the hit and run. And our health insurance is balking at paying, saying the driver's insurance should pay. Yes, they should. But it was a hit and run, we don't know teh driver so we can't get him to pay. Since it didn't involve our car, our auto insurance won't pay. So it is filed with the health insurance.

We CHOOSE to homeschool our daughter rather than have her attend the local school. She would have to walk to the bus at 6:50 AM while it is still pitch black. This is how she got hit by a car. The school will NOT send a bus down our road. The electric co will NOT put up street lights. I cannot afford to put up lights up and down our road. And the neighbors would have a cow if I did because each house would have to pay the cost of the electricity.

We CHOOSE to live out in the country. We like it here. NO homeowner's association with rules about when to put the trash out. One house we looked at said you could only put the garbage out after 6 am and had to get the cans in by 10 am. If not it was a $30 fine. They even had rules about the color you could paint the house.

I CHOOSE not to deal with that. I CHOOSE to spend more on the kids' education than on fancy landscaping or expensive clothes or even having a maid. My kids devour books by the dozen. We buy them used, new, anywhere we find an interesting one. My kids had 4 times the "expected" vocabulary at every age. thank you is taking the accelerated reader tests on books like the Harry Potter and Narnia series. He just finished third grade. They are eighth grade books. Next year they are bringing the high school AR books into the school because he is ready for them. No one else in the school is using them yet. Not even any 5th graders.

We make choices to not have expensive cars. My car doesn't even start right now. I chose to fix the toilet plumbing rather than buy a new battery. It is in next months budget, but not this one.

Not everyone can choose the fancy lifestyle. When I had my seizure the EMTs had to come in and get me. I was unconscious and my family was worried more about me than about the house. I am glad the EMT's gave 110% and while they saw the house they still treated me respectfully. The doctor didn't, but she is a horrible person and a worse doctor. She refused to let the staff call my regular doctor because they had clashed about a patient before and she knew my doctor would be angry with her.

Thank you for realizing you made judgements, and that they were wrong. Thank you for ADMITTING it. It is HARD to come to a group and admit you were wrong. Esp to a group like this who has had many times where we were judged unfairly.

So Thank you! Keep on realizing what you are doing and making changes when you realize you make a mistake!
 

Lothlorien

Active Member
The lesson that should also be learned, AHF, is that when you come here and post something like this, perhaps realize who is reading this on this forum. For some of us, it's salt in a wound. For others, the original content was offensive. Though we are certainly glad you learned a good lesson about not judging a book by its cover, don't assume that we need the lesson as well. Had you worded your post a little differently, perhaps this would have gone over a little differently. Remember, we are battered parents that are not only dealing with difficult children and all of the challenges that come along with it, but also the ridicule of others who haven't ever walked in our shoes.

I'm still not sure what the reason is that you frequent this forum, but since you do come here and hopefully read or lurk, rather than just post the occasional trouble-stirring thread, perhaps you should have gotten this lesson from the parents here, already.
 

Anaheimfan

Blue Collar Boy
I never intend to stir trouble, it just kinda happens with my occaisional malice of forethought.

I'm just here to offer advice in my field should someone request it. That's why I'll just lurk around until I'm needed.

The lesson that should also be learned, AHF, is that when you come here and post something like this, perhaps realize who is reading this on this forum. For some of us, it's salt in a wound. For others, the original content was offensive. Though we are certainly glad you learned a good lesson about not judging a book by its cover, don't assume that we need the lesson as well. Had you worded your post a little differently, perhaps this would have gone over a little differently. Remember, we are battered parents that are not only dealing with difficult children and all of the challenges that come along with it, but also the ridicule of others who haven't ever walked in our shoes.

I'm still not sure what the reason is that you frequent this forum, but since you do come here and hopefully read or lurk, rather than just post the occasional trouble-stirring thread, perhaps you should have gotten this lesson from the parents here, already.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
No offense, but perhaps I'm only speaking for myself when I say that since I'm way older than you and have already learned everything you've tried to teach me, why do you think you'd need to teach us anything? I learned ages ago that things aren't always as they appear. I'm sure most of us have. We learned from life's long journey.

I think that when you post here, if you do, you need to maybe write your post out in advance to avoid offensive words. Even though you are young, I think you know which ones I mean. It would be best to avoid terms which imply sexism, possible racism or malice towards those who have mental health or substance abuse issues. And sooooooooo many of us are struggling financially, often due to our children, that I personally think it would be best not to bring that up either. We have many bright people here from all walks of life. Perhaps we are the ones who can do the teaching.

Just a thought.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
That is great advice, MWM. I have always wondered why AnaheimFan is here. While occasionally we deal with a kid playing with fire, that is probably the extent of our need for a fireman and EMT who is not a parent to advise us.

You probably can learn a lot and help people in your real life if you just read here. I can learn something from almost every thread, and I have lived a LOT more life than you have.

I try not to take offense to most anything, but here we have a soft, safe place to learn, vent, get ideas, support each other, etc.... We are PRIMARILY about supporting each other and helping each other through the hideous maze of mental illness that we navigate daily.

Maybe you should keep that in mind when writing a post.
 
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