just blew up on difficult child

[Jena]

so yea its getting hairy here. i blew up so bad i scared myself.... seriously lol i slammed a door, i never do that. i broke glass in the process mirror was leaning against door glass all on my bedroom floor.

why? hmm so very many reasons.... difficult child came into my room again to "vent" this is an ongoing thing all day long about the lack of friends, not being able to go back to school yet etc.

when i told her difficult child listen you want to go back with the "tools" you need to handle it, i'm trying to keep you safe, healthy and make you capable of handling life's things. i think this new guy will help try to be patient, i'm trying too kiddo we're both in same boat different ages.

she says well you dont' get it, your zero support as usual on and on she went. it's the 3rd time today i heard it and well that was it. i'm tired and my anger got the best of me. i said how dare you i have no job, i am here for you and with you 24/7, i bring you to doctor's two hospitals and all you do is mimic me, give me a hard time, refuse to do anything i ask of you even therapy stuff. you sit here and tell me i'm nto supportive of you?

she mimicked me again and off i went jumped off bed and followed her to kitchen where she proceeded to mimick me once again and give me dirty looks and tell me off.

i simply walked away slammed my door hence glass everywhere that I gotta clean up now!

i'm like why am i doing this to myself. i told her keep pushing i'll pull up drop you off at school and say good luck if you keep pushing. she said "legally" you can't do that cps is invovled now! OMG! i needa desk and to be set up the right way you cant' just drop me. i said keep pushing kid and watch me. i've had about all i can take of you today, this week, this month.

sooo i'm beginning to think why am i doing this to myself? why not ease her back in and let her deal with-it on her own if that's what she wants. truly........

or am i just mad and venting and saying mean things? how can i survive the next 6 mos with a non compliant little brat who will bad mouth me and push me till i break and let her go back to that school she couldnt' handle even before her eating disorder??

i'm so tired and ******

 

[Steely]

I have been there done that - too much of each other - especially difficult children and parents is a bad, BAD thing. I have done things, that I personally would never have thought I was capable of until I was pushed to that degree.
Remember - this board is the GUILT FREE ZONE. It is OK.
I personally would drop her off at school and see what happens. However, I do not have the whole history here, so I can only speculate.
in my opinion, she needs to be in charge of her life and her outcomes at this point - you cannot protect her forever - or she will resent you for it.

 

[Jena]

yea part of me says that than another part screams hello your the parent you know what your doing, you hear what the doctor's saying she's just revolting because thats her. than i think the 3rd part of me yes i have sections lol says very quietly what if just what if she can pull it off and i'm holding her back?

i just dont know. here i am fighting to get tutors in and shes' fighting to return. bizarre........ her history is pre k didn't deal well with school high anxiety high paranoia. first day she goes back she'll be up night before till 5 am

 

[Andy]

You are super tired and worn down. You know deep down that satisfying her with her wish to return to school will only be a very short term "happiness" for her. She expects that as soon as she sits at the desk that ALL her problems will go away. She will be happy - friends will be falling over each other for her. You know that will not happen and after a day or so of feeling like she is getting what she wants, she will just fall apart again, find something else to complain to you about, and you will be back where you are now.

You do need to get her back to school but get her back the right way. She has to show that she can use the tools needed to be in school. She has to be stable.

We know some kids push and push and push until we become weak and give in just to create a moments peace. No sooner have we taken 1/2 a peaceful breathe, they find something else to push and push and push about.

1st step is to get control of her behavior of harrassing you. You seem to have tried everything under the sun on this one and I don't think I have anything new and fresh to offer.

I think my suggestion would be intensifying a schedule at home that focuses 24/7 on her behaviors (as if you are not doing that now! I know - you can't help but do so). She will know what to expect every minute of the day. Also set up a plan on what will happen when she stops listening/doing and starts disrespecting. Plan on committing the next few weeks just addressing her disrespect. Have rewards ready at the first step of cooperation. "As soon as you get dressed, we will have breakfast." No getting dressed/no breakfast - even if it means that breakfast comes at 4:00 in the afternoon. Once she has done this a few days in a row than, "You are handling this task so well that today you get to choose what you want for breakfast." Once the room is picked up, then we can watch a movie together (or if it is done in time we can watch that t.v. show together). I think everyday things can be rewards if that makes sense.

It will be a lot of work on your end but you already are doing so much that maybe redirecting it to something like this will help you feel that you are in control again.

But I need to back up one step. The real 1st step is for you to get caught up on sleep again. How can that happen?

 

[shellyd67]

Jena, it's OK .... You have been thru so much and you are only human. Don't beat yourself up ! I haven't been thru 1/2 of what you have dealt with and I have bean WAY meaner to my difficult child. It happens !

 

[svengandhi]

I am so sorry to hear this. Maybe she could ease in by joining an afterschool club of an activity she enjoys? Theoretically, the kids in there would also enjoy this activity and it could be a bind that might form.

 

[Jena]

tonite!!! told husband tonight i'm sleeping do not come near me. i dont' think he will after hearing how i slammed a door that bumped a mirror that was leaning on wall lol. taking a hot bath now, difficult child keeps pushing to talk i told her no babe not ready yet.

me and my book. just went to bat with my mom also. oh sheesh oh what a night........ there's a song like that right?? your right andy, thank you for talking to me inside that is tired now. had to check myself. i know i'm doing teh right thing, i know she'll be thankful in time yet hate me now. yet i'm ok with that. just gotta intensify the tutors right nwo and get her off of me more during day i can write she can study than at night we can join again or mid afternoon. it's a bit much up mom's rear right now all the time! someone said natural consequences she wants to smell let her, she wants to not do hw let her. their right that's what i'll be doing. it's time now she's 12 time to grow upa little.