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Just cant understand the reasoning, our difficult child is spinning out of control.
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<blockquote data-quote="cw_mi" data-source="post: 575603" data-attributes="member: 15803"><p><span style="color: #222222"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Thanks everyone. Writing about it does help. First I have to say my wife has got to be the strongest person I know. She is pushing thru this very well, sure she has her moments (like thru the holidays) but for the most part is doing very well at detaching. One of the items that was stolen was a rosary that was my wifes mothers. She passed away 8 years ago. So on the anniversary of her passing (Jan. 2) my wife went to get the rosary and found that it was gone. In its place in the little felt bag was some change, to make it feel like it was still in there. My wife handled that very well, I would have been a wreck for sure. To me that is an unforgivable thing, I cant believe J would do this, well actually from what has happened I guess I can see it. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"> Her and I talked with a friend that is a therapist, he wasnt our therapist put that is what he did for a living. So we got a lot of help from talking with him and it has helped some. I find that our emotions kind of change as time progresses. For my wife she was hurt, then angry now she is worried about Js future. After all it is her daughter so the detachment part is going to be tough for her. For myself, I was really bummed out at first. I missed having J around , I missed the conversations we had (although she wasnt the best conversationalist , LOL ) , missed that fact that M and I are now childless. Being a parent was something I really had grown to love. Then my emotion went to anger, I despised J for how she had made my wife feel. Now I guess Im just trying to understand it all. Im more of a logical type of thinker and I just cant get my head around this. How can someone turn against everyone that has shown her love, encouraged her to be her own person and go towards the one that controls and just fills her head with useless talk. And why the constant lies ? I just dont get it. We didnt spoil her but she really had pretty much everything she could have wanted, her college would have been paid for, etc. Her Dad on the other hand gives her nothing and B is doing nothing but pulling her down with him. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"> M and I both feel like we did everything we could but sometimes feel cheated. We see some families that are pure train wrecks and they end up with good loving children. We did everything we could and end up with a train wreck for a child. I put a huge blame on her biological father, I dont think J would have ended up like this if it wasnt for his influence. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #222222"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Dstc_99,</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"> J turned 18 at the end of Dec. which was a month after moving in with her dad. In the past we had tried several times to talk with my wifes FOC caseworker and they basically could do nothing unless there was signs of physical abuse. So that was a dead end. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #222222"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Personally I dont think J will change. She doesnt have it in her. She was always negative, blamed others for everything and would choose the path of least resistance. Sadly I think she will end up like her father, an angry bitter individual. Both my wife and I sent her messages on her new FB account congratulating her on her engagment (the one she had insisted wasnt true) and the we hope she is happy with the path she has chosen. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">We have heard she is still lying to everyone, tells people we are the ones that hate her and the relationship with her and her dad is not going so well. She has called the police on him twice, B has gotten in his face what a mess ! B is 17 at the moment, failing his senior year so he can be around J and is about 6 tall and 140lbs, and talks like he can take out Seal Team 6. Clueless , just clueless. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="cw_mi, post: 575603, member: 15803"] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana]Thanks everyone. Writing about it does help. First I have to say my wife has got to be the strongest person I know. She is pushing thru this very well, sure she has her moments (like thru the holidays) but for the most part is doing very well at detaching. One of the items that was stolen was a rosary that was my wifes mothers. She passed away 8 years ago. So on the anniversary of her passing (Jan. 2) my wife went to get the rosary and found that it was gone. In its place in the little felt bag was some change, to make it feel like it was still in there. My wife handled that very well, I would have been a wreck for sure. To me that is an unforgivable thing, I cant believe J would do this, well actually from what has happened I guess I can see it. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana] Her and I talked with a friend that is a therapist, he wasnt our therapist put that is what he did for a living. So we got a lot of help from talking with him and it has helped some. I find that our emotions kind of change as time progresses. For my wife she was hurt, then angry now she is worried about Js future. After all it is her daughter so the detachment part is going to be tough for her. For myself, I was really bummed out at first. I missed having J around , I missed the conversations we had (although she wasnt the best conversationalist , LOL ) , missed that fact that M and I are now childless. Being a parent was something I really had grown to love. Then my emotion went to anger, I despised J for how she had made my wife feel. Now I guess Im just trying to understand it all. Im more of a logical type of thinker and I just cant get my head around this. How can someone turn against everyone that has shown her love, encouraged her to be her own person and go towards the one that controls and just fills her head with useless talk. And why the constant lies ? I just dont get it. We didnt spoil her but she really had pretty much everything she could have wanted, her college would have been paid for, etc. Her Dad on the other hand gives her nothing and B is doing nothing but pulling her down with him. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana] M and I both feel like we did everything we could but sometimes feel cheated. We see some families that are pure train wrecks and they end up with good loving children. We did everything we could and end up with a train wreck for a child. I put a huge blame on her biological father, I dont think J would have ended up like this if it wasnt for his influence. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana]Dstc_99,[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana] J turned 18 at the end of Dec. which was a month after moving in with her dad. In the past we had tried several times to talk with my wifes FOC caseworker and they basically could do nothing unless there was signs of physical abuse. So that was a dead end. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana]Personally I dont think J will change. She doesnt have it in her. She was always negative, blamed others for everything and would choose the path of least resistance. Sadly I think she will end up like her father, an angry bitter individual. Both my wife and I sent her messages on her new FB account congratulating her on her engagment (the one she had insisted wasnt true) and the we hope she is happy with the path she has chosen. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana]We have heard she is still lying to everyone, tells people we are the ones that hate her and the relationship with her and her dad is not going so well. She has called the police on him twice, B has gotten in his face what a mess ! B is 17 at the moment, failing his senior year so he can be around J and is about 6 tall and 140lbs, and talks like he can take out Seal Team 6. Clueless , just clueless. [/FONT][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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Just cant understand the reasoning, our difficult child is spinning out of control.
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