just diagnosed with leukemia

[pepperidge]

Hi folks,

went to the doctor on monday with a little fever and here I am with leukemia. what a total shock. Would love and all board juju.

I am doing really well right now, I actually feel good, so hard to reconcile with being seriously sick. I try not to think about my poor husband raising difficult children by himself. Mostly I stay in pretty good spirits. They are still doing a lot of tests which will help customize treatments but I have started on first round of chemo with good results so far.

Our oldest seems to have taken it pretty well and we have been emphasizing that is very treatable but I will be away from home in a hospital about three hours away for several months --though I probably get to go home for
a couple weeks which will be good so I can get organizd. I'm parlaying the cleaning the house angle.

only this crowd will appreciate this. the doctor was telling me about the side effects of steriod I'm on and mentioned that one of rare ones is a psychotic break. But don't worry he says, there are anti-psychotics out there. I rattled off the three or four I know and looked kind of surprised. Explained about all the drug research that goes into raising two difficult children!

since my kids think i have one or two psychotic breaks a day anyway probably, I figure they won't even know the difference.

Welcome your advice on how to deal with difficult children and all this and anything else. Thanks for being part of my circle of well wishers.

 

[klmno]

Wow. I have no advice but wanted you to know that you have all my support and well-wishes possible. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this and hope you remember that this board is here for support anytime. I can't imagine what you must be going thru and how much strength you must be pulling on within yourself. ((HUGS))

 

[recoveringenabler]

That is quite a surprise! I am so sorry you have to deal with this along with your difficult child's! I don't have any health advice, but I am sending prayers for healing and comfort. Big board ju ju and warm and caring hugs coming your way..............

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh wow Pepperidge. Im so sorry to hear this. You do sound in remarkably good spirits. I hope the treatment works fast and it isnt too awful. I am sure this is a shock to your family. I hope the kids hang in there well. Hopefully they pull together for you. Sometimes it takes something like this to really snap things into focus.

I will be praying for you.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Oh, Lord, pepperidge! You have all my effort at well wishes and prayers. Please keep on posting and get all the support we can provide. God bless!

 

[Hound dog]

((((hugs))))

Wow! That had to be like a slap across the face. I can't imagine going in for a fever and then to get such news......omg But I am very glad you went in for that fever! I hope treatment goes smoothly and you respond very well to it.

How to handle a long bout of Mom in hospital?

Delegate delegate delegate. Perhaps husband can sit the kids down and tell them that this is one of those times the whole family pulls together, which means works together to get through. They're plenty old enough to help Dad around the house. Maybe ask a family member or friends if they could drop by every so often to see how they're holding up cooking and household chore wise.......and if they're getting swamped. maybe they could help get them back on track. That way you don't have to worry that the house is going to heck, kids aren't eating or going to school in wrinkled clothes (at best) and can keep your mind focused on getting well. Not to mention you don't want to come home from a long hospital stay to an utter disaster area.

Sending good thoughts, positive juju, and saying prayers.

(((hugs)))

 

[Marcie Mac]

Sorry to hear this Pepperidge. Will be sending positive healing vibes and good juju to you

Marcie

 

[pepperidge]

hoI guess one of my fears is whether this will send one or more difficult children off in a tailspin got some good advice from the social worker. I think in many ways it might be better that I am in hospital (or within spitting distance of it) which means being away from home. I'd like to think that all the difficult child nastiness will disappear but maybe it willl get worse. My poor husband. Driving to see me a couple times a week, dealing with difficult children, and trying to keep himself healthy. Really i am the last priority because I am getting great loving care.

Janet I think I am slightly hypomanic from all the prednisone I am on.
there are so many factors that could determine the outcome that i am trying just to focus on the day to day and since I feel great right now it is not so hard. I mean, here i am in the hospital, someone cleans my room cooks my meals no one is making demands on me it is kind of like a mini vacation. They have already done the basic tests (bone marrow etc) so I have a lot of free time. Just trying not to focus on the ultimate prognosis though hopefully I will meet with the expert doctor on that next week.

Mostly there is so much to learn about the disease, treatment etc that its keeping be busy.

The journey selects us, we don't select the journey as we know well with our difficult children. About all I can do at this point is take each day as it comes and make the best of it. I cried for awhile last night thinking about not being there for my difficult children. But right now I can keep those thoughs at bay most of the days. I don't think it will help my kids to see me crying about dying. I am probably still in shock about the whole thing.
I'm not looking for medical advice unless someone has some experience. Mostly just hugs and thotughts on how to deal emotionally with difficult children. We have pretty good supports in place for them but gosh I hope they don't go off the rails when i am in the hospital. It woul be nice to think they might rise to the ocassion but after all they are kids and difficult children at that.

 

[KTMom91]

I'm so sorry, pepperidge. Sending hugs and prayers.

 

[Malika]

Sorry to hear this news, pepperidge. You write with wisdom and acceptance. I do hope that treatment will be effective and that you will be back among your family and friends as soon as can be. Hugs.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

since my kids think i have one or two psychotic breaks a day anyway probably, I figure they won't even know the difference.

You have a positive attitude and have also maintained your sense of humor -- it will carry you far!!! Life is a state of mind. Doctors are amazed everyday by the miracles they witness from people who stay strong and positive. Here in the western world, we have barely tapped the body/mind connection.

As far as the difficult children go, you might be pleasantly surprised - they could kick it up and be supportive of their dad. In my opinion, the most important thing is to be honest and open with them about your diagnosis, treatment course, and how you are feeling. Very often it's when we try to shelter our kids from reality that they act out because of fear and doubt they can't express any other way.

Stay strong and positive --- you will be in my daily prayers.

Sharon

 

[hearts and roses]

Pepperidge, I'm so sorry to hear this news. I do like your attitude and will continue to send prayers and healing juju your way.

Worrying over how the kids will respond is a waste of your precious energy as there is not much you can do about it right now. H is in the drivers seat and he can handle it.

Hugs and love.

 

[tiredmommy]

Sending big (((hugs))), positive thoughts and healing prayers your way (and few special ones for your husband and the difficult children!). I have a good feeling that you can beat this.... many will, you may as well be among them! Talk to the staff/social worker about things to keep you busy while you feel well, maybe scrapbooking, journaling, reading, etc. I imagine that now being constantly focused on your diagnosis and treatment will not be good for your emotional state. Also, Skype can help you stay in touch with family and friends since there's some distance between you.

 

[BusynMember]

I'm so sorry and wish you a complete recovery. Sending prayers and good wishes, hoping your journey is smoother than you expect!

 

[busywend]

I am so sorry to hear this news, but love your spirit! Keep your focus there! Hugs!

 

[ctmom05]

Good morning Pepperidge,

Facing any type of cancer is demanding, sometimes physically and often emotionally .. .. ..

Do you mind sharing more about when you will be going to the hospital? Will you be able to take a laptop along?

I'm guessing you've run into a great deal of folks here who have shared their wisdom and experiences with their tough kids. It's breeds kinship, that's for sure. Support ~ if only we could bottle it.

I'm wishing you the best - I hope you will continue to do a lot of sharing here.

 

[buddy]

Sending more hugs and holding your hand as you face the challenges ahead. A little off topic....I was watching the news about the Colorado wild fires and it is something else isn't it???? Such serious things go on and our minds go to the difficult child 's. I sat there thinking ...wow any family there is suffering but if they have a difficult child it puts a whole different spin on things. Even DDD's posts were much about her difficult child. Using your words ....that is our journey. So for you I add many extra prayers for support and peace in your family. Your positive spirit will make a huge difference. XXOO, Dee

 

[Wiped Out]

Pepperidge-Sending many prayers your way for complete healing. Love your positive attitude and sense of humor. It will go far in helping with your treatment.

 

[Signorina]

I am so so sorry you are ill. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

 

[DDD]

Sending understand and caring hugs of support. I'm very glad to read that you have quality medical people guiding your way and teaching you what you need to know. That is really valuable. DDD