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Just for discussion: Adult sons and daughters living at home
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 538466" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Well, we must keep in mind we're all different coming from different backgrounds, first of all. Then each of our own personal dealings with our adult children (difficult child or easy child) are also going to be somewhat different so that will also play a factor. My rules are based on my own moral code (which is strict, granted) and from having grown up surrounded by difficult children both in my immediate and extended family. I had more experience dealing with difficult children by the time I was 18 than many people ever know in a lifetime. Which is probably why I'm so comfortable working in a psychiatric unit. LOL </p><p></p><p>My rules have nothing to do with sex, male or female. They're rules of respect and that require the adult child to remember they're an adult living in my home because I'm kind enough to allow it for whatever reason. Due to my experience with difficult children, that constant reminder that they're an adult and only here due to my grace is a HUGE deal unless you have plans of them never ever going anywhere. </p><p></p><p>My rule that a couple (my child and another person) staying in my house is that they be married. I don't care if you've been together 40 yrs actually. IF for extenuating circumstances the unmarried partner should need to stay in my home.........and it has come up once with Nichole's husband when he got into a rip roaring row with his mom and they tossed him out in the middle of the night (and it was that for once he was standing up for himself)..........they will find themselves in another room. If I catch them together, they'll face my wrath and it will be hades on earth. I'm not a prude in any sense of the word, I'm not even religious by normal standards. It's respect. I am not going to have even the remotest chance of hearing my kid getting in on with another person in my home......I don't choose to go there. </p><p></p><p>Like I said, this is just part of my own personal moral code. My kids all know it. They know I won't yield on it. They don't push it either. I don't owe them a reason why, it is what it is, period.</p><p></p><p>As for sleep overs elsewhere, honey if you can find another place to hang your hat even for one night, then you've no business living in my house. Simple and true. </p><p></p><p>My curfew is respect. I am not going to be awake worrying where my adult kid is, IF they're coming home or lying in a ditch somewhere. Not happening. Midnight is not unreasonable. You can't do a whole lot except get into trouble after midnight anyway, or over sleep when you need to get up to go to work or school which is also required. </p><p></p><p>My rules are simple and direct. They're made for MY benefit. It's an imposition to have an adult child to return to the home even if that child is a easy child. My rules make it less so, and there is little conflict. </p><p></p><p>If my adult kids object? They don't need a place to stay that bad, then do they? </p><p></p><p>Sometimes, it's all about how you look at something.</p><p></p><p>My grandmother, wise woman that she was, knew she had more difficult children than pcs in her kids.........soon as the last one left home she moved into a teeny one bedroom apartment and stayed there. I asked her why once. She told me so that none of her kids could return home. They were grown, she taught them what they needed to know while they were home, it was time for them to use it or know the consequences. It worked for her. Even her difficult children learned to function on a somewhat easy child level most of the time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 538466, member: 84"] Well, we must keep in mind we're all different coming from different backgrounds, first of all. Then each of our own personal dealings with our adult children (difficult child or easy child) are also going to be somewhat different so that will also play a factor. My rules are based on my own moral code (which is strict, granted) and from having grown up surrounded by difficult children both in my immediate and extended family. I had more experience dealing with difficult children by the time I was 18 than many people ever know in a lifetime. Which is probably why I'm so comfortable working in a psychiatric unit. LOL My rules have nothing to do with sex, male or female. They're rules of respect and that require the adult child to remember they're an adult living in my home because I'm kind enough to allow it for whatever reason. Due to my experience with difficult children, that constant reminder that they're an adult and only here due to my grace is a HUGE deal unless you have plans of them never ever going anywhere. My rule that a couple (my child and another person) staying in my house is that they be married. I don't care if you've been together 40 yrs actually. IF for extenuating circumstances the unmarried partner should need to stay in my home.........and it has come up once with Nichole's husband when he got into a rip roaring row with his mom and they tossed him out in the middle of the night (and it was that for once he was standing up for himself)..........they will find themselves in another room. If I catch them together, they'll face my wrath and it will be hades on earth. I'm not a prude in any sense of the word, I'm not even religious by normal standards. It's respect. I am not going to have even the remotest chance of hearing my kid getting in on with another person in my home......I don't choose to go there. Like I said, this is just part of my own personal moral code. My kids all know it. They know I won't yield on it. They don't push it either. I don't owe them a reason why, it is what it is, period. As for sleep overs elsewhere, honey if you can find another place to hang your hat even for one night, then you've no business living in my house. Simple and true. My curfew is respect. I am not going to be awake worrying where my adult kid is, IF they're coming home or lying in a ditch somewhere. Not happening. Midnight is not unreasonable. You can't do a whole lot except get into trouble after midnight anyway, or over sleep when you need to get up to go to work or school which is also required. My rules are simple and direct. They're made for MY benefit. It's an imposition to have an adult child to return to the home even if that child is a easy child. My rules make it less so, and there is little conflict. If my adult kids object? They don't need a place to stay that bad, then do they? Sometimes, it's all about how you look at something. My grandmother, wise woman that she was, knew she had more difficult children than pcs in her kids.........soon as the last one left home she moved into a teeny one bedroom apartment and stayed there. I asked her why once. She told me so that none of her kids could return home. They were grown, she taught them what they needed to know while they were home, it was time for them to use it or know the consequences. It worked for her. Even her difficult children learned to function on a somewhat easy child level most of the time. [/QUOTE]
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