Just got back from school. Check this...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Oct 15, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ok, just got back.

    One of my requests was to have the incident reports and behavior sheets given to me monthly at a minimum. I asked for them for the month of sept on 9/30. The SpEd teacher was out that day, and the principal did try to get as many as she could (she did not have access to them with SpEd out). I told her I knew sped was out with a sick baby, I would wait til she got back. (I am still attempting to be reasonable.)

    Of course, I didn't get them. So yesterday afternoon, I emailed sped teacher and asked for them. She had them ready for me to pick up by 10am. Obviously, I didn't go get them, right then.

    SO then the incident happens at school. That's the other post. Wont retype it here. As I leave with Wee, I pick up the envelope of incident reports and come home.

    HE HAS HAD THREE INCIDENTS OF THROWING ROCKS AT STUDENTS ON THE PLAYGROUND AND ONE OF KNOCKING OTHER KIDS DOWN!!!! WHY WAS I NOT AWARE!??! ANd supposedly, principal sent another report to JO for this.

    And the report from today is not in there. So...we're playing by the rules this year, right? I marched my happy butt back to the school and asked for the incident repoort (as I dropped off a box of food for the sped teacher to give to a family that is hurting right now...I offered to help her). The secretary played CYA and in a round-about sort of way told me it wouldn't be done today. Um...no...I need that report by the end of the day...THAT was the agreement. It was clear I wouldn't be geting it.

    So I hopped in my happy car and drove to admin office. SpEd director is gone, but superintendent was there. I walked in and asked to see her. She took me in her office and I said I need the incident report from today, before the end of the day. She said it just couldn't happen, the teachers were busy, they had to sit down and write it, blah blah blah. I said yeah, we agreed, the incident report the day of the incident. None of this 5 days later, if ever koi. She asked why i needed it so badly, and I whippe out the incident report that I didn't even know about and said THAT"S WHY. She said I need to trust them that they'll do it and I said I trusted you last year, and look where it landed us. I'm not putting up with that again this year. That report needs to be in my hands by 4pm. THAT was what the district agreed to.

    And she yelled at me. She said "dammit Shari, we're trying. We've just hired a personal assistnt for him. What more do you want????"

    Yup, you read that correctly.

    I thanked her and said "THAT'S what I want....someone who can handle my child."

    Apparently, the experiment with Mr Para/Teacher was a trial to see if that would really make a difference. In the meantime, they were interviewing people. THey interviewed a man, first, but he refused their offer...not enough money. But this woman is looking to move to this area and seems to be qualified - a psychiatric degree, I think a teacher, experience in de-escalation and play therapy. Super told the board they had to do this...or they wouldn't be providing FAPE.

    I thanked her and said finally. And then said "A little communication would have gone a long ways."

    There was some further discussion. She was the source of the county committee thing. I asked her, again, what she hoped to get from it. She said they hoped to get help for the district in streamlining and ways to handle him. I said "so say that"...what I got said it was for Wee and his family.

    We got back into principal's need to blame...and how she says I always walk in pointing fingers. I said, ok...here's the deal. You have a child at the elementary that has thrown rocks at students on THREE different occassions, knocked students to the ground once, and no one has bothered to tell me. Principal tells me that is because she didn't know, and that is because SpEd Teacher didn't know, and here we are, back at a problem with a para....what the hell else am I supposed to do - walk in and say life is grand you're doing a great job? There's a problem there. A HUGE problem. AND I CAN'T FIX IT!!!! I can ignore it...but will that help???

    And super agreed she can see the frustration on both sides. I told her I do not like to be like this. I am not, by nature, an in your face person, but I can NOT sit by and let last year repeat itself, and until this very moment, being unaware of what you guys are doing behind the scenes, all I am seeing are repeat incidents...

    She assured me the 1:1 will start in 2 weeks. It is on the agenda for Monday's board meeting. They aren't even discussing it...it is on the agenda for consent. In the meantime, the super has authorized $ for a sub for the SpEd teacher for the next 2 weeks. The SpEd Teacher will be 1:1 with Wee until this new person gets here. If SpEd is out, Mr Para Teacher will be calle back in.

    Now, people...if you'd told me this 3 weeks ago...it would have saved a lot of hassle...

    And I told her in light of the new info, I am ok with not getting the report by 4pm today. I also told her if they can't communicate with me any better than that, what really can they expect to gain from 14 heads around a table??? I mean, really. She didn't have an answer.

    I told her lets get the FBA report. Lets get a BIP written. Lets get this new 1:1 in, and see what we've got. Then we'll talk about a committee.

    Finally. Finally I feel like there might be something good going on. Finally, I feel like they are paying attention, they realize they can't just shove Wee into the back closet and pretend he doesn't exist....FINALLY they have heard that I am done screwing around. And maybe they are doing something about it.
     
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    WOO HOO!
    A psychiatric major with-experience in de-escalation techniques is fantastic.
    Boy, you two were brutally honest with-one another.
    But you both made progress.
    Sheesh.
    Just hang on until the new teacher/para gets there.
     
  3. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Some good news finally shari ! Have a great weekend ! Wee is lucky to have a mommy who is always in his corner !
     
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    And there was just a knock on my door.

    It was principal. Hand delivering that report!
     
  5. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    When the full-time para starts, ask that you get a daily, written communication log (in addition to any incident reports). The school can and should provide you with an account of Wee's ups and downs each day.

    A good communication log should cover any academic problems during the day, any behavioral issues, and also tell you the good things that happen each day. difficult child's para fills out most of the communication log, but the sp ed teacher often contributes some comments, too.
     
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    They hope to get help from another pool of money to pay for that 1:1.
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You are AWESOME!!!!! in my opinion you handled things excellently!!!!! Principal wants you to be meek and mild and accept that her way is the best and she is handling things perfectly. Which is ****, of course. I still think that you need to see her certification verifying she has been trained in therapeutic holds. If she cannot product this she needs to keep her grubby mitts off our boy!!!!! There is NO excuse for her restraining him if she has not been trained in therapeutic holds - it is assault. Period. End of discussion because it can cause harm that cannot be fixed. It also places HER in harms way, and you can bet the farm that if Ms Principal gets hurt by Wee while she is doing a restraint, she WILL file assault charges against him. IF this happens, she may doctor up a fake certificate because she will learn that with-o it SHE is the one who shoudl be charged. So get the Superintendent to produce the certification NOW so that if it isn't something Ms. Princess has then MAYBE she will either keep her paws off Wee or go and actually get the training.

    You are an awesome Warrior Mom and are doing an awesome job!!! The schools tend to react angrily to parents who demand what their children have a right to if the school is not doing it or following their agreements. Schools don't like to be held accountable, and you are doing a great job of making them be accountable anyway.
     
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'm so happy to see them responding more properly, I really hope it goes as planned and helps Wee. :)
     
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Eleven minutes late, I might add. ;) (Don't trust that one!)

    As for you, Ms. Warrior Mom... Way To Go! :warrior:
     
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't think principal is going to stop calling police either. I don't think there's any chance wee is going to get thrown in juvie, I tend to think it's to get court involved to force certain things.

    Shari, maybe you could just move to the same area as Wiped Out and put Wee in that school district! :smug:;)
     
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shari,

    you handled that great! It appears, and I don't want to jinx this first really positive step in the right direction (in my opinion it is the first concrete positive thing in a couple years), but it sounds like personal contact with the super is key - Wee has become a child in need rather than just a student she has heard about from several exhausted and fed up sources! Given that the salary of a new para is a consent agenda item, it's a given. I wonder if they are approving the funds or the person? I would imagine it is better for everyone if they approve the funding.

    Here's just a thought and consideration. Ultimately, if they are approving someone to be Wee's para with the background the super spoke about, that has got to be a lot more funding dollars needed than them paying transportation and "tuition" for Wee to attend the alternative school. Do you believe that, with the help of a para, Wee can truly get what he needs in regards to special education for academics and his behavior issues? Are the Special Education folks at this school truly able to break through and provide what Wee needs? I ask this because I've seen both sides of the fence - absolutely fabulous Special Education teachers who understand the individual needs of the students and how to go about relaying the same academic information in a different way than the mainstream kids. I've also seen Special Education teachers that are an absolute waste of space and can actually harm the academic progress of a student.

    If this para only last 3 months and then moves on to a higher paying position in a field more appropriate for his educational background, what then? Just thinking out loud if you feel this school district, this school, are truly in Wee's best interest for the future? I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that the alternative school is part of the public education system in your state and not a private institute.

    Shari, the bottom line here is that you did a great job of advocating for Wee yesterday! I think it's great that they are willing to approve funding for a new and experienced para, especially given the funding limitations in school districts right now.

    Sharon
     
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, principal was at your door!
    Super got on his/her case, I bet.
    Well, this is a major battle. Onward and upward.
     
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You go warrior mom!!
     
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sharon, I share your concerns, and I'm afraid this will be a one day at a time situation. The sped teacher in that building right now is awesome. I have no concerns about her ability to educate Wee. If she were handling Wee on a daily basis, I have no doubts in her ability to handle him, either.

    Now...what remains to be seen is how this new person works with Wee and what they plan to do with his schedule when she gets here. If they intend to dump him back in mainstream, we're in trouble. If this new person doesn't work with Wee, we're in trouble (and FWIW, super keeps putting emphasis on "she knows how to deal with hiim, but she won't just tolerate bad behavior, either; she wil be firm" (ie they think we just let him run rampant...)) and we'll have to do something else. So by no means is my guard down or do I think this is over.

    I agree this person is probably more money than transport and tuition, but bottom line is, alternative school won't take Wee. Period. They aren't taking outside kids. I have confirmed with an outside source that this district has indeed tried and that school won't take him.

    On that note, tho, super is forming a consortium of sorts of smaller districts in the area and approaching the alternative school to try to work out a deal to set up a program readily accessible to outside districts. So who knows what wil happen with that.

    But we WILL be disucssing communication at our next meeting, cause this is ridiculous.
     
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sharon, I share your concerns, and I'm afraid this will be a one day at a time situation. The sped teacher in that building right now is awesome. I have no concerns about her ability to educate Wee. If she were handling Wee on a daily basis, I have no doubts in her ability to handle him, either.

    Now...what remains to be seen is how this new person works with Wee and what they plan to do with his schedule when she gets here. If they intend to dump him back in mainstream, we're in trouble. If this new person doesn't work with Wee, we're in trouble (and FWIW, super keeps putting emphasis on "she knows how to deal with hiim, but she won't just tolerate bad behavior, either; she wil be firm" (ie they think we just let him run rampant...)) and we'll have to do something else. So by no means is my guard down or do I think this is over.

    I agree this person is probably more money than transport and tuition, but bottom line is, alternative school won't take Wee. Period. They aren't taking outside kids. I have confirmed with an outside source that this district has indeed tried and that school won't take him.

    On that note, tho, super is forming a consortium of sorts of smaller districts in the area and approaching the alternative school to try to work out a deal to set up a program readily accessible to outside districts. So who knows what wil happen with that.

    But we WILL be disucssing communication at our next meeting, 'cause this is ridiculous.
     
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    ANd yes, K, principal remains a big thorn in the side of even the best possible plans. We will have to come to some sort of agreement with that.

    As it is, I will have DFS at my house soon. I know that and am not happy about it.

    So this is far from over.
     
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Why do you think that? I can't believe DFS would take it serious if a school district called and said "the mom is a PITA because we don't know how to control her child". I mean really- what can they possibly accuse you of that would warrant a CPS investigation? If Wee had any injury, I think it would be obvious that someone at school who had no business trying to restrain him caused it. I think I'd tell a DSS worker that, too.

    But don't listen to me- county people don't like me too much and you see where my son is.....

    My son's issues started in elementary school too. They were ridiculous "complaints" about him at that point. The school district escalated things at a very bad time- when my son needed support, not humiliation and ridicule. I wish to God I had never fought it. I fought it because I believed I had a legal right to and that they wwere in the wrong. I still feel that way. But given that the harm to the child is the same either way...now I wish I had just moved- long before difficult child convinced himself that everything those teachers told him must be true. At the time I thought I couldn't afford to move- but I now have lost everything financially, am emotionally drained, and mentally barely moving forward. If I had it to do over again, I would have taken my son and gotten the heck out of there. The battle isn't worth the losing the bigger war of raising a difficult child who is also our offspring.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2010
  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I am certain they wil be calling because of the local cops being involved this last time. I don't think anything will come of it, but I think they have to at least make contact.

    K, I would move. If I knew where to go that wouldn't just be more of the same. Going to another district means starting over in the school system. Wee will have to fail at all of the new district's "great fixes" before they, too, will see that he needs more (every time we get a new person in this district, they have "the perfect teacher" or "the perfect classroom" or the "perfect" this or that...oh, and there's always "and he's matured, we'll make it a great year, you'll see..." um...waiting...). I can't really afford to move...but I would put that aside and make it happen in a heartbeat if I knew where to go that would get it right. And the only place I know that would get it right is some place private...and that, I can't afford.

    So, do I start this battle in the next district...see where I get with them, or work with what I've got, which is finally people who realize they need more than they've got to educate Wee. I don't know. I don't know what the right answer is. I wish I did. As I see it, tho, pretty much any way you go, its russian roulette with your kid's future...
     
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    well I understand that 100% even though our kids are in very different positions. I know it's discouraging. Try to hang in there and keep doing the best you can and making the best decisions you can. You have my support. I moved, as I'm sure most know, but after too many years simply because I was afaraid. I don't know that we might end up with more of the same- all I know is that what difficult child was getting wasn't working. It is the biggest heartache I could possibly live thru. I wish you and wee well, Shari- I really do. just because the federal law says something doesn't mean you can get local jurisdictions to comply in a decent amount of time. You cann battle it, but the child is growing up in the meantime.
     
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